What to Expect When Getting Back Together with Your Ex

Should You Do It?

No matter what advice you receive on whether or not to get back together with an ex, you are most likely going to want to find that answer out for yourself. Which means, of course, getting back together with your ex (or two), at least once in your lifetime. And if you’ve never experienced this before, here are a few tips on what you can expect.

Everything is New, But Old Problems May Resurface

To restart an old relationship right, you’ll want to begin as if you’re getting to know each other for the first time. You truly need to come from a place of allowing for a fresh start. The good news is, perhaps there were things you missed the first time around that you can now become open to. Just keep in mind that anyone can change for a couple weeks, or even months, but more likely than not, either you or your ex are going to return to the same old habits that lead to the breakup in the first place. This is especially true if the breakup wasn’t exactly clean. The key is to be prepared for this reality and have an idea in place on how to make it work, whether it will require a perspective shift in order to experience the situation in a new and different way, or an improved way of communicating your issues with your partner.

Don’t Expect a Second Chance to Find Forgiveness

Unlike what your heart may be telling you, you don’t give a second chance in order to find forgiveness. It is actually the other way around. You need to have already found forgiveness for a lover before you can properly give them this second chance.

Expect Some Moans (That Might Be Worth a Listen)

If you told your friends and family your ex was the devil, they will not be there to welcome them back with eager arms. In addition, keep in mind that your friends and family can sometimes “see” your relationship clearer than you can. This is why you will want to heed the comments from those Negative Nellies, but just don’t let them ruin your fresh new start. And while it will not be easy to get an ex back into their good graces, your happiness will be the first step. Just keep in mind, these Nellies care about your happiness and are worried for you based on the history of the relationship they’ve come to know. But they will be there if you need them. It’s easy to separate yourself from the people who seem to be against your second-chance relationship, but that’s the worst thing you can do. If this relationship does turn out to be toxic once again, losing your support system will only increase your chances of ending up back on this rollercoaster romance.

Accept the Clammy Handshakes, But Strive to Prove Them Wrong

The moans are coming from both camps, so while you’re busy tending the fires from your own side, your ex will have their own share of negative feedback. As said before, your best defense against defeating this negative criticism is to prove your rekindling is bringing you both happiness in a healthy way.

Social Media — To Announce or Not to Announce

It’s difficult enough to tell your closest friends and family that you’re getting back together with your ex, but that feeling can be compounded when you’re announcing to the whole (social media) world that you’re back on again. In some cases, you may want to consider that you are in many ways literally starting anew, which means not announcing any exclusive attachment. Just keep it on the dating level for now and see where it goes one day at a time.

Golden Rule — Two Strikes and They’re Out

There may be a lot of good reasons for getting back together with your ex. Perhaps a lot of things have changed in your lives since the first time around and it will actually feel somewhat easy to create a fresh start. If too much time hasn’t passed and/or the second try is already working its way around to a third, you may be feeling ready to open your heart again, but please do so with eyes wide open. It can become all too comfortable riding this rollercoaster with a toxic partner who is simply never going to work with you. Break-ups can become a tactic of “control” some partners use to get what they want. If your partner truly loves you, they would not risk losing you in a manipulative effort to get what they want. And if they do “truly” love you and this is their highest capacity of showing it, you wouldn’t want that kind of love, anyway.