How to Go From Lovers to Friends

Just Friends

Do you feel like the people you’re intimate with and the people you’re friends with fall into two different categories? What about the people you’ve been intimate with, but realize they’d be better friends? It’s not unheard of—there are many ways to be intimate with someone. Sometimes, it’s sexual. Other times it’s emotional.

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Of course, taking a relationship that’s built on that kind of intimacy and turning it into a “just friends” situation can be rife with complications. Here’s how to do it without hurting anyone’s feelings, or getting your own heart broken in the process.

1. Agree to Keep Things Platonic
If you’re going to be friends, not friends with benefits, be sure that you’re both on the same page. You both must want the relationship to transform into one that’s decidedly not physical in order for a friendship to truly work.

2. Set Boundaries
Even though you two are friends now, you may not want to hear about each other’s romantic dalliances—at least not yet. Talk about what conversation topics are off-limits, for the time being and indefinitely, so no one’s feelings get hurt. While it may feel awkward at first to create these limits, doing so will ensure a stronger friendship and less drama down the road.

3. Choose Friendly Activities
When you’ve been physically intimate with another person, it can be hard not to fall back into old patterns (back into bed, specifically). But if being just friends is truly what you want, set yourselves up for success: Meet in public places, not at each other’s homes, and choose things to do together that are decidedly not sexy. Go out for coffee, visit a museum or take your dogs to the park. Avoid dance lessons (too much physical contact) and steamy movies (too much carnal inspiration). Even going out for a nice dinner can be tricky because it can feel a bit too romantic. A casual lunch al fresco may be a better option.

4. Be Honest About New Lovers
As friends, it’s important to be candid with each other when new romances come into each of your lives. While you don’t want to hear all the gritty details of hookups and so on, as mentioned above, you shouldn’t hide the fact that you’re seeing someone or if you’re falling in love. Friendships are built on trust so lying is never the right choice.

5. Reevaluate as Needed
Matters of the heart can get complicated. In fact, even if you’ve agreed to be friends, one of you may end up still having feelings for the other person. Whether these are lust- or love-filled emotions, it doesn’t really matter. Either way, these feelings will make having a true friendship pretty difficult. If this occurs, you may need to spend some time apart or decide that a friendship just isn’t in the cards for you two right now.