Psychic Q&A: She’s Not His Ex-Wife

She’s Only His Ex-Wife in His Head

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Dear Cameron,

Three years ago I met a guy online. He says he’s no longer married, we talk a while and eventually begin a long-distance relationship. Then one day, his ex-wife gets onto his computer and finds our conversations. She even replies to them, telling me that she isn’t his ex-wife because they are still married. In fact, they still live together. When she tells me that, I break up with him and block him from all of my accounts. After a month or so, I find the emails he sent to an account I forgot to block him from. He asks me for forgiveness and a second chance. I believe he’s sorry, so I  give him a second chance.

When we meet in person he tells me he has a problematic love life, and he calls his wife his ex-wife again. I didn’t have the guts to tell him that if she’s really his ex-wife, there would be a divorce. It’s confusing. I want to know if they’re still together now. I am getting older and I don’t want to waste my time. He and I were communicating all day and night, almost every day, and I think that means there’s something valuable between us. What do you think?

Ara

Psychic Cameron ext. 5412 responds:

Ara,

Thank you so much for your question. I know this is a very challenging situation for you—one that may be causing you some pain and confusion. However, I believe my cards and my guides can provide some much-needed insight at this time.

I am being shown by The Lovers in the tarot’s major arcana, that the man you are dealing with is at an important crossroads in his life. He has a serious decision to make about his future. I don’t believe he is a liar—exactly. The issue has more to do with what is happening in his life and what he feels in his heart.

I am able to tell from the Queen of Swords upside down and the number of swords in this reading that he is unhappy and his wife can be very controlling and perhaps even cruel. You appear in my reading as the Queen of Coins, a woman who has been a stabilizing, supportive influence in many ways. I believe he cares for you and wants you in his life.

What is happening here is that your friend feels as though this woman is his ex-wife, but it’s not true. I don’t think that he was lying, emotionally, when he said that they are separated. In many ways (in the ways that count) this marriage is pretty much over. There is almost no trust, he is very unhappy, they argue all the time (the Knight of Swords), and he feels trapped.

He is desperately unhappy and he wants a change in his life. The problem is that whatever is happening in his heart, there is also the reality of what is happening in his world. The Four of Cups reveals to me that he finds it very hard to face his frustration and despair and so he sometimes engages in fantasy. He’s telling you what he hopes one day to be true.

The term, “ex-wife” is a legal term, regardless of how he feels. Under the law, she is either his wife or she is not. I actually don’t believe this man is a liar, or a player, or someone who enjoys breaking hearts. I believe his feelings are genuine. However, he has to face reality or everyone will be hurt.

I’ve had many clients over the years in your position, and my advice is this: Separation is more than just moving your belongings out of an apartment. It is also psychological. The fact that she was able to go to his computer and read his correspondence tells me that she has too much access to his personal life. And that she would write to you directly and not just confront him, also suggests that there are serious boundary problems in their relationship. She feels aggressive, confrontation, and unbalanced.

While I believe this man has great affection for you and would like to see where the relationship between the two of you goes, he has some work to do first in his own life. Before he includes you at all, he needs to separate from his ex-wife and eventually divorce—legally and spirituality. This hasn’t happened yet and until it does, you will energetically feel that you are dating them both.

Put yourself first in this situation. I believe that you might have a loving relationship with him one day, but not until he cleans up his life and takes care of some serious business first. Don’t be afraid to ask some hard questions: Does separation to him mean that he has his own apartment and he’s going to file divorce proceedings at some point, or does it mean that they aren’t speaking over breakfast and he’s sleeping in the den?

You deserve someone with clear intentions and you aren’t here just to provide relief for an intolerable marriage. You can tell him, “I’m very fond of you, and I’d like to see where this might go one day, but at this point, I need you to handle your situation. Then call me.”

My cards show me that ultimately you will have a loving relationship in your life, with someone who is available to love you back fully and without obstacles. Your instincts were right when you blocked him. You are teaching him how to set boundaries in a relationship by setting them with him. Let’s hope he learns the lesson.

My best to you,

Cameron

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