Understanding Your Daily Focus
The holiday season is upon us. This is a time rich with a combination of memory-making, home-cooked food, friends, feelings, and connection. For a lot of us, heading back home, seeing people we haven’t seen in a long time, and dealing with complicated relationships can make this season a mixture of joy and anxiety. Perhaps it’s stressful parents, political differences, petty games of favoritism, or sibling rivalry—there is something about the human ego that is dashed on the shores of the childhood home. We are reduced to our base self around the people who know that version of us.
In this week’s Daily Focus, I want to look at ways we can remind ourselves of our own boundaries, power, and potential as we navigate what could be some rocky shores. There is so much to be gained from these times of shared comfort and community, that being able to ride out the more difficult aspects and reap all the rewards is a blessing in itself.
Saturday, November 20
“Families are like branches on a tree. We grow in
different directions, yet our roots remain as one.” –Unknown
I am a strong advocate for setting boundaries and, if
necessary, removing people from your life when they no longer serve you. I do
not believe you “owe” your family anything, but I do think that there are a lot
of situations where, once we let go of the need to bring someone over to our
side, we can meet in a place of agreement. Sometimes the best we can do is just
be present, and understand agreement is not the most important thing.
Sunday, November 21
“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety
percent how you respond to it.” –Dorothy M. Neddermeyer
If you’re going to be in situations that you know have caused you stress in the past, it’s a good idea to put together an emotional toolkit. You can’t control how people are going to act, but you can control what you’re going to engage with. If someone broaches a topic you know causes an emotional reaction, try setting a boundary by telling them that you’d rather not talk about it, and changing the subject. It doesn’t have to be done with any anger, it can simply be choosing to take a different route, one with fewer road bumps.
Monday, November 22
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy
family is unhappy in its own way.” –Leo Tolstoy
From the outside, it may seem like other people have it easier. Their families are better off, or more friendly, or put together—but the thing is that even happy families have their own unhappiness tucked out of sight. Don’t hold yourself to someone else’s standard. You don’t have to engage with people who make you feel bad. You don’t need to feel guilty for choosing yourself, and your own happiness.
Tuesday, November 23
“Do not learn how to react. Learn how to respond.”
–Buddha
Setting boundaries can feel mean, but in reality, it’s kindness. By knowing where you’re most likely to react emotionally and taking care to avoid that, you’re responding, not reacting. You’re aware of the fact that this makes you sensitive, vulnerable, and emotional. Those are not bad things to be, but they do change how we respond and can cloud our judgment at the moment. Knowing is half the battle.
Wednesday, November 24
“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that
grows flowers, not thunder.” –Rumi
There is nothing wrong with standing by what you believe in,
but putting others down, telling them how to behave, or what to believe, is
ultimately often destructive in relationships of any kind. It’s okay to ask not
to discuss things, or to answer honestly when asked about something, but
approaching a situation with the intent to inform, not antagonize, is always
the better choice.
Thursday, November 25
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old
way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
–Deepak Chopra
Returning to situations that create stress and anxiety can cause us to revert to some old, less mature behaviors. When you feel tempted, try taking deep breaths and visualizing the peace and calm you’re seeking. Remember that you are choosing a new path, one without anger and stress and that you can choose to leave those things behind at the moment and return to deal with those feelings later.
Friday, November 26,
“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner
peace.” –Dalai Lama
Maintaining your inner peace during times of stress is not
easy. There are things you can do to help you, however. Allow yourself small
rewards during these times. Reach for an extra cookie, take a break, ignore
that email for a little longer, it’s okay. You need that bandwidth for
something more important. Whatever peacekeeping rituals you have when you’re
alone, a long bath, coffee alone in the morning—can set you up for an easier
time once you’re interacting socially again.
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