I was working with a lovely client recently who was having a love conundrum… sort of. She and her friend have had an ongoing friendship for a very long time. At this point, it has been nothing other than a nice friendship as they both live on opposite sides of the country. The friendship, however, is a very good one. One of her questions was “when will we finally be together as a couple?” The good news was my guides were showing me that there is a strong chance for romance between the two of them.
Now the problem as my guides were showing me, is that the romance between the two was still a few years off and that they would both be having other relationships in between. That did not sit well with her and this of course is where the assumption comes in. On her end, she’s thinking that their friendship is leading to a love match. On his end, he’s got lots of respect for her, likes her very much and enjoys the friendship they have going… But, he’s not particularly relationship minded about things. At least not at this time.
It is an important thing to note here. Unless a man states he is very relationship minded about you, odds are, he probably isn’t. Let’s not forget that neither is he a mind reader. He’s thinking, nice comfortable friendship and you’re thinking nice love relationship, leaving you both on two different pages. Love and the sexes is very complicated, being on two different planets and all.
She asked me why there would be other relationships for the two of them and I explained that my guides were showing me that there was no exclusive commitment between them. She then confirmed what I had been shown. But she had a hard time accepting that he’s a free agent and therefore free to date as he chooses, whether she was dating or not. “Well wouldn’t he be angry if he found out I was sleeping with somebody?!” she asked. While I am standing inside his head I ask his guides that question and was told “her personal life is absolutely none of his business, and vice versa.” She is also a free agent and can date whom she chooses.
Unless the bond you feel with a particular individual is at the very least two sided, it’s really simple. A friendship does not a love relationship make and to assume so, well…we all know what assumptions make.
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7 thoughts on “The Problem with Assumptions”
I’m glad this topic was brought up as I have lately had several clients dealing with the similar issues – wanting a romantic relationship with someone who considers him / her a friend.
I can tell you that it isn’t just a Mars / Venus ordeal either. I have many clients from the LGBT community and they often face the same issues.
No matter the orientation of the person in this situation, I am often asked, “Am I just wasting my time with this woman (or man)?”
Anyone asking that question has made a huge assumption. He or she has assumed that the only reason for human interaction is to obtain a romantic commitment. The client often assumes that she or he will never be happy unless there is a romantic commitment – and soon!
The result of this assumption can be very unhealthy. If you live with the assumption nothing but a quick romantic commitment will do, you may not develop a normal, healthy social network. You may find yourself isolated from family and friends. You may find that even people you work with and see on a daily basis keep their distance from you.
If you find yourself in the above predicament, it may be time to challenge some assumptions that you might not have even realized you held. It may be that by operating from this assumption you have accidentally put pressure on your special someone that is keeping him / her from making the commitment that you are seeking.
Building a social network is never a waste of time, but throwing a good friend or potential love away because there hasn’t yet been a commitment, well that certainly is a waste of time.
Hello Morgan,
Another good post ….something for the ladies to ponder. Most often when dealing with men they tend to leave women to assume and when that happens the breakdown is most often negative. Work on leaving assumptions out until you have cold hard facts or you could cast aside something that only needed time and patience to work out.After all they are from Mars and we from Venus…
Blessings, Love & Light
Abigail
Hi Kathy,
Good question. Like I said there are times when it’s not easy… but as Morgan pointed out, when they were available I wasn’t and vice versa and I was open and honest about it. Also when they were involved, I just wouldn’t go there.
It might be easier for me because I grew up with a brother and there were always guys around the house, and when I was in school I always had a lot of guy friends. The point is to make them feel special as a friend, and really enjoy their company. And just like any female friend you have things in common that you like to do or talk about. You can’t force a friendship… I think that good friendships male or female have a life of their own.
It is interesting for you to mention that having a male friend can be very rewarding. I am not emotionally available for a “relationship” right now because my heart belongs to another. I have met several men that are “nice”, that seems to be my standard response. My girlfriend tells me to just be friends with them. I have never been successful in having a simply platonic friendship with a man. They always seem to push for the physical. I guess my approach has been off because this is not a one time thing, it has been a life long situation.
I would love to have a man as a friend. Let’s face it, they can give some insight into the male mind. That’s something I have never been able to understand – LOL! Mercury/Mars for sure!
Great article Morgan, thanks!
Sometimes there is nothing better than having close male “friend’s only” relationships. Yes there are times when I’ve wondered what it might be like to have paired off with one of them serioiusly, or ruining the whole thing with sex… but two of my dearest friends in the world are men I didn’t date because I was married – though not happily. Even after I divorced, I found it so wonderfully soothing and comforting to be able to get a male point of view on life and to hang out with my guy friends, rather than chance it and possibly lose this wonderful connection. These two men have now known me longer than many of my female friends and just like any best friends, even though I don’t see them often, our reunions are filled with memories and great conversation.
The man in my life now, sees the fondness and connectivity between us and understands why I’m crazy about these two men. They are both with partners now, but there is always a little overt flirting between us. People often ask why I didn’t end up with one of them, and my answer is always.. the friendship was just too valuable.
Dear Morgan,
That was so beautifully put. It’s sometimes so difficult to explain how two people could be in such a different psychological place, at the same time. I especially loved the last paragraph 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing this with us all.
Much love,
joyce
(Thanks Jen, for all your hard work here with this amazing blog project…it’s so cool!)
Hi Morgan,
This is true….
…Also another thing I’ve noticed over the past 43 years of readings I’ve done….women fall in love much quicker than men.
It is a FACT (!) that women are ” genetically hard-wired ” to fall in love quicker….it goes all the way back to ” cave man ” days. That is part of why the human race survived and multiplied for centuries.
Women act much quicker, than men do, on an emotional impulse and are more in touch with their emotions because of our child-bearing abilities.
Many times women are 10 steps ahead of men
at the beginning of the dating ritual.
There are exceptions to everything though….and no reading should ever be based upon facts.
Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500