In the new post Why People Habitually Cheat, Psychic Tansy ext. 5289 reveals why people are unfaithful… and our readers weighed in with serious opinions on both sides of the issue.
Our reader Coral writes:
I’m one of the cheaters that you’re talking about. I’ve been married for almost 30 years to a very mean and abusive husband. He always has to be in total control of me and our three kids (who are grown). He took away my friends first, had me quit my job to be at home and take care of him, sold our house because my male neighbor talked to me… and now we live in a wooded area with no close neighbors! I’ve tried to leave but he stalks me. I was fooling around one night about a year ago on a website for singles. I got a few hits, and talked to one guy that was really nice for a while. A few weeks later we met… things just happened from there. He treated me like a human being! He didn’t put me down – he just let me be me. I have been seeing him for a year, and he is what makes me happy. I told my husband recently that I’m extremely unhappy and that I cry all the time. He gave me “permission” to go and see a shrink. I know it’s wrong to cheat on him. Maybe seeing a therapist will help. I need to start doing what’s best for me…
One of our readers, Donna writes:
I’m a victim of a cheater. We had been married for 20 years when I learned about it. I was so trusting during our marriage, I never dreamed he would cheat…While we were going through the divorce, I found out he had cheated on me more than once. What I cannot figure out, really, is why. He had someone who really loved him. We had a nice little home and a beautiful daughter… it’s hard to reason the motive. My hunch is that he didn’t feel worthy of me. I thought he was fine… some are foolish and fall for the tricks the mind plays. Here’s hoping others will never have to experience the pain and betrayal that I have felt. Maybe just one person who has cheated on their spouse will read this and stop their behavior. Then all I’ve been through won’t be in vain.
(On a side note, according to our recent poll, 54% of people admitted they have cheated vs. 46% who say that they haven’t.)
7 thoughts on “Understanding the Results of Cheating”
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i dont understand why people cheat i feel my husband cheating and i never cheated the 16 yreas we been together
I think cheating has become a regular phenomenon that people have learned to accept. The idea of faithfulness and ethics has left our society for the most part. I have met many people in my different work places that have met married or committed men and had no reservations when it came to romantically dating them. The commitment was considered an INCONVENIENCE but not a hurdle or deterrent.
Since you can argue that we are products of our upbringing, this can be directly linked to a lack of responsible parenting.
Also, for the most part, I think cheaters give you notice. I believe that most people ignore red flags in a relationship. If everything were perfect, men wouldn’t stray.
PS…..Not only is Coral cheating as an act of rebeliion against her abusive husband ( the only way she has found to vent her anger and ” hurt ” him back ),…….
…… but another part of Coral is looking for a knight on a white horse to rescue her.
The only real and lasting rescue for Coral is to gain back her power and self confidence ( and freedom)….thru therapy and support groups…..as I suggested in my posting above, and rescue herself.
By the way, Coral if you are reading this……there are federal and state laws against stalking. Please be safe and well Coral……take care of YOU.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hi,
Coral is a classic victim of domestic violence, a CLASSIC case !!!!!!!!!! , by the way. Abuse and control maifest in several forms……but this particular case is classic.
The Psychiatrists, Psychologists, and Therapists I read for send me domestic violence victims, such as this, to me to work with…….
Coral needs to stay in therapy and I would recommend she join a support group for victims of domestic violence as well.
She will, hopefully in time, gain the self-confidence she needs to break away from her abusive husband and start a life og her own.
***** Coral is cheating as a form of rebellion against her abusive husband, because she is intimitated by him and afraid to confront him directly. ( not the answer to her problem).
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Justine,
Very sensitive subject to write on. You almost have a split here ….I know I have brought this out before but its so true which will you feed? Change is hard it takes work but you will be amazed how much quicker you get there if you go through it instead of holding on to something that does not work prolonging the suffering. When cheating happens there’s a need of some kind that is not being met. Looking elsewhere instead of finding a solution makes your journey more painful. Relationships are work period just like a garden if its not watered,tended to, loved & nurtured it dies and so do realtionships. Some will state that they have no idea why they cheated and that their spouse was always good to them. When this happens it’s a form of self doubt, love and insecurity. Again something is wrong that needs attention. Just like if you hear a noise in your car do you choose to get it looked at or ignore it. Paying as much attention to ourselves as much as we do “things” helps us grow and learn when we get the warning signs.
Two Wolves
An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
“One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
“This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Many Blessings
~Abigail~