Red Responds: Only Involved With Alcoholics

Dear Red,

Will I ever find the right relationship for me? The only men I ever get involved with are alcoholics. I am now married to a man who has almost drunk himself to death. He is diabetic and is suffering from liver failure and a lot of other illnesses due to drinking. Do you see me with anyone else in the future? Will I ever break the cycle of meeting bad men? I feel like I need to change things about myself but I don’t know where to start. Can you help me?

– Patricia in Boring

Dear Patricia,

The mere fact that you are recognizing a pattern in your choices is the key to breaking the cycle. It’s going to take some willpower on your part not to fall back into old patterns of choosing dependant men. I’m not using the term “dependant” lightly, either. It seems that not only do you attract and are attracted to alcoholics, but also emotionally and sometimes chemically dependant men.

Seeing the best in people and having compassion for them seems to keep you from aligning yourself with a partner who is an equal. Throw in your own self-esteem issues, and viola! It’s a recipe for suffocating relationships.

The men you’ve been with, your husband included, aren’t all “bad” men, but they have been men who in some capacity “needed” you. It is your need to be needed that sucked you into these unbalanced and less than wonderful, co-dependant, situations.

I know you are depressed, suppressed, and feel pretty beaten up in general. I also see that even though you claim that “you don’t know where to start”, you have been making strides towards self-improvement and self-empowerment. You’ve got the smarts and the strength to become the person you want to be. You are on the right track. Periodic consultations with us psychics or a trained counselor will help you on this quest. You are doing the hard work, you just seem to need a little support and direction at times.

As far as love in the future, yes – you will have it. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that some wonderful guy comes in to handle all your problems and helps you become the woman you want to be. It’s quite the reverse; when you are at a place where you truly love yourself for the person you are and appreciate the struggle that it took to bring you to that level – you’re not going to settle for an emotional cripple or an alcoholic. As a matter of fact, fewer and fewer of them will be approaching you, because you will be noticeably out of their league.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226