Red Responds: He’s Cheated Ever Since They Met

Dear Red,

I was in a 10 year relationship — he has cheated on me
every year since we met. I didn’t learn my lesson ’til this year, when
in June, once again, he was seeing someone else. He wants to be in my life
again, and thinks I will be here waiting. He wrote me a letter and told
me about her and said that that she was not what he wanted.

I don’t trust him, I feel that if I were blind enough to take
him back, that he would still see her off and on. I have absolutely no trust
in him. I do have feelings for him, but have been betrayed for the
last time. I can’t live with being deceived and lied to. I deserve better!
I have not written him or called him as he requested, I feel that this
is the least I can do. I am taking some time to heal, have fun, and do
what ever I want without judgement or guilt. I really am anxious about
meeting someone new to help me move into a new life beginning. I expect to
get over this, but believe I have to go through it first. I would like some
kind of timeline as to when this will happen so I can prepare my heart and
mind.

Thanks so very much,
Laraine in Litchfield

Dear Laraine,

You are very wise to learn that
your ex-lover is not going to change his ways. I don’t think he’s capable of it. As for communicating further with him,
there’s really no point. If you
honestly feel that you must, for reasons of closure and healing, I strongly
suggest you avoid the phone call.
He is still able to trigger an emotional response in you — avoid the
torment. As for a letter, keep it
as simplistic as possible. My
suggestion is, “Bye-Bye!”

You’ve been through a lot in the
course of that relationship, and it is going to take some time for your healing
process. I hope you heed my words
and proceed with caution… for there is someone who will be entering your life
late next month. Please don’t rush
into relationship mode. You still
need time just to get reacquainted with who you are.

As for the man entering your
realm, he seems like a pretty decent guy.
So while I’m not seeing any reason to deter you from getting to know him
better, you are still screamingly vulnerable. Because of this, it is going to be
difficult for you to continue on the healing path that you are currently
on. You give your heart too
easily.

Take your time, take it slow, and
keep your guard up. Not because I
see this man as one who will hurt you, but because I see that you can lose
yourself in the relationship. So
date him, have fun, but do it with balance rather than blindly rushing in. A broken heart, much like a broken bone,
needs time to heal and strengthen.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226