Red Responds: Does Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

Dear Red,

I recently returned to California after living in the East Coast for 12 years. I left behind some good friends and some not so good. I also left behind a male friend, who I was seeing for 9 months. I realized now how much I care for him.

But I have not heard from him since I left.

I have text messaged him and even called him once to no avail. He called once but I could not hear him clearly and were unable to speak. Is he okay and will I ever hear from him? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? I thought time and distance would ease him from my memory but he is in my heart. Please help.

Thank You,

Jeannette in Woodland Hills

Dear Jeanette,

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder, and sometimes absence and distance create challenges that not everyone can deal with, as is the case with your friend.

Your friend comes through as doing pretty well, and he does think of you often. But the truth is, he views you in the past tense, rather than the present or future. He is not one who is very good at maintaining long-distance relationships at a level of great depth.

You will hear from him again, as there is true fondness and a solid foundation of friendship between the two of you. But the communication you share presents as more as holidays and infrequent touching base. The nature of the relationship has changed.

Jeanette, the best thing you can do for yourself regarding this man is look at him as the one who got away. Your feelings for him are on a different level than his for you. While distance doesn’t seem to help or hinder your side of the scenario, time and a change of perspective are what is required to ease him from your thoughts.

Take your focus off of what you left behind, and put your energy into the new life you are creating. While the transition may be a bit tough, the future will definitely outshine the past.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226