Red Responds: He Fell Off the Face of the Earth

Dear Red,

My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years when he suddenly fell off the face of the earth. He is in the Navy and we mostly have a long distance relationship (a few hours apart). I figured that he was just tired and decided he was through. We did not speak for four months. Then, this past June, he popped back into my life. I was hurt and stand-offish at his return, waiting for an apolgy or even an explanation.

Over time we talked. I grew comfortable and starting to have feelings for him again. He has made his feelings much clearer to me as well. But I am worried about starting up with him again even though my love for him is overpowering me. He recently told me that the Navy is transferring him to another state. I have been thinking about our future and if there even is one. What will happen to us? Do you know if he is thinking about keeping our “relationship” going? Do you see any type of future for us?

Jasmine in Fort Myers

Dear Jasmine,

I see that you and your boyfriend have endured more than a few ups and downs over the course of your relationship, but always manage to come together in the end. There is a lot of strong emotion on both sides.

Relationships are challenging, and long-distance relationships can add to the challenges. Sometimes love isn’t enough, but sometimes it is. Your boyfriend really wants things to work between the two of you, he really wants another chance. If you decide that you want the same, you are going to have to take a leap of faith and a pretty big risk to keep this relationship on a positive path.

The distance looks like it will eventually become problematic to this relationship; so that is an issue you need to think about. He will be relocating. Are you prepared to follow? I’m not suggesting that you pack your bags right now or anything, but it is something the two of you will have to consider in roughly a year, if you want this relationship to continue to grow. Until that time, you have the opportunity to change some ground rules and reconstruct this relationship, rather than just letting it resume. While the emotional plane is strong, there is some real work that needs to be done between the two of you in order to define and rebalance this relationship.

So, do I see a future for the two of you? Yes. Yes, I do. Now here is the element of surpirse — even though I do see a future for you guys, the length of the future “togetherness” is in your hands. If the two of you don’t put the effort and energy into nurturing the relationship you have and the one you think about building, there’s this new guy out there lurking in the shadows who will sweep you off your feet. You may not be looking for him and you certainly won’t be ready for him, but if the opening presents, he will take it.

The best thing you can do for the here-and-now, is simply take things a day at a time with your boyfriend. Let your man know what you want and what you need, and give him the opportunity to pass or fail. He will be doing the same with you. This really is a “make it or break it” point in the romance arena for you guys. This is not a good time for you to draw any irrevocable conclusions or predetermined outcomes. It is a time to let things unfold, with direction instead of sacrifice. Think of it as if the two of you are writing that last chapter of a book, in which you have complete creative control. Take as many pages as you need to determine if they live happily ever after or embark on separate journeys and adventures, because this time around, the words “The End” will be final.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226