Dear Red,
I have a boyfriend, one whom I love with all my heart. I can’t imagine my life without him. He asked me about my ex-boyfriends and when I told him, he said it was too much for him and I’m disgusting and he doesn’t want me. I sense that he has feelings for me but his past relationships made him very suspicious and he is jealous if any man tries to touch me with a finger or gets closer than one meter. I quarrel with everybody to keep to his rules, try to avoid anyone coming close, stay at home when I’m not with him, buy him food, stay close to him when he is ill, cook for him, mend his trousers, etc., and yet he is away now. Will he come back to me? Do we have a chance to stay together? I love him very much and get crazy when he is away. I’m desperate like never before.
Videlina in Plovdiv
Dear Videlina,
When you say you love him with your whole heart, you surely are not lying! You are so in love with him that you are blind to who he really is.
You are right with your suspicions; this man does have feelings for you, but not quite the way you think. He knows that you will do anything for him, and finds that very attractive. It makes him feel powerful.
Yes, I do see this man coming back into your life. Before you get all excited, I have to tell you the other side of the story. His feelings for you are nowhere near the depth of your feelings for him. He has some serious emotional issues that keep him from being capable of truly loving anyone or anything. He also has a very selfish perspective when it comes to relationships; and it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, it will never be enough. Though you may have moments of joy, I don’t see a happy ending.
I know how much you love him. I can see it; I can feel it. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt, but I also see that nothing I can tell you is going to save you from experiencing the pain first hand. The best I can hope for is that when you are ready, you will see how unhealthy this man is, and how toxic this relationship is to you.
Videlina, I could sit here and give you at least twenty reasons why you should RUN from this guy and not allow him in your life. I’m not going to do that, because others before me have tried and failed. So, I’m just going to leave it at this: When you are ready to start healing and open to loving yourself once again, I am here, and I will gladly help you. Until then, just be careful of how much of yourself you sacrifice and whom all you push away for the sake of a man who never deserved you to begin with.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
(Ext. 9226)
