When There’s Something More to Give

Finished shopping? Whether you’re bringing home the latest electronic gift or opting to keep the holidays sentimental and simple, don’t forget the presents that won’t fit in any stocking. They’re completely unique! There’s no need for ribbons or wrapping, but these priceless gifts are some of the best investments in your relationship you can make.

Compliment (the real deal)
It’s not exactly free – a heartfelt compliment can cost time and effort, and maybe a little embarrassment – but the gift you’re giving your partner makes it a clear bargain. If they’re thoughtful and specific, your words gift your mate with more than sincerity, courage and admiration. You’ll leave the one you love with an affirming infusion to his or her self image – probably for some time to come.

Let your partner in on the details: the way they handled X last weekend reminded you of why you love Y about them. Their perspective on A is amazing because B. If it’s hard for you to deliver that kind of information (or if you’re partner will have difficulty accepting it), try putting it on paper. However you handle it, your compliment will be remembered long after other gifts are shelved and forgotten.

The gift of time
The most important gift you can offer your loved ones is your time. If you both have the luxury or the vacation time, take a day off together and dedicate it to each other. The day you “create” can belong to the two of you in a way that a weekday afternoon or weekend filled with chores and other agendas can’t. If time off is not an option, or if you already have more time available for your relationship than your partner, dedicate your time in another way. Plan an evening that you will have together and load the agenda with thoughtful touches, or get a hold of a few of your mate’s friends to let them in on what he or she really wants this year. You might even pool together on that otherwise unattainable purchase. However you assign your time, try to surrender expectation and make every moment count.

Make your past your future
Drag them out of the corners and into the light. If you’ve been together for some time, make time to reminisce with your partner about all you’ve been through together. Tell your partner about what you love to remember, or share your favorite kiss/date/moments. You might commemorate those memories by revisiting a place that has meaning for you or recreating a momentous meal.

Photographs are powerfully evocative; make a date of sorting them as you piece together an album. Displaying photographs – old or new – will remind you both that this holiday is something you will always share. Include them in your holiday decorations – framed, as Christmas tree ornaments or on holiday cards – and you’ll affirm that you are a part of each other’s rituals and history. And of course, take new pictures so the memories you make today will always be yours.

the gift that says everything
Bring an old tradition back into style. Take those unspoken feelings and, as specifically as possible, put them into words. If you feel a little awkward, you’re in good company. It’s hard to vocalize what we feel and even harder to let it be heard – but that’s a big part of what makes love letters so meaningful. After all, what gift says what you want to say better than one that actually says it?

Of course, love letters come in many forms. If words don’t come easily for you, employ your language of choice. Compose a song (or sing one) create a painting or sketch a portrait. And careful presentation is a nice touch that relays to your loved one that this is no casual attempt at romance. If you can, wrap your letter and leave it somewhere conspicuous, like on a pillow or hanging on the tree.

The gift of giving
Not only is it free, but giving your time to a cause is a gift to your relationship and to others who need you. There are so many ways to give of yourself; choose one that suits the two of you – maybe a concern you share or an experience you know will broaden your perspectives. It may sound a bit hokey, but helping the less fortunate can never be a waste of time. Soup kitchens, homeless shelters, toy drives and holiday events at retirement homes need volunteers in almost every community, but there are hundreds of other causes as well. With little research, you should be able to find something that is charitable, meaningful and enjoyable. It won’t be something you’ll soon forget, and you’ll learn a lot about each other and yourselves.