15 Ideas to Build Your Self-Esteem

Learning to Love Yourself

The idea that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else is more punitive and pressurized than helpful. However, there may be a central kernel to that concept that is useful: When you love and feel good about yourself, you will likely find that you have a significantly easier time accepting and giving love. This ease will seep out into all aspects of your life and lend a sense of calm and contentment, overall. So, while loving yourself is not a prerequisite to being loved by or loving someone else, it is certainly helpful in that arena (and infinite others).

There are two key parts to loving and feeling good about yourself. First, there is self-worth, a deeply rooted understanding that you are inherently valuable. The second part is self-esteem, simple confidence in yourself. Self-worth is sometimes regarded as more important and more difficult to cultivate than self-esteem. Self-esteem, in turn, is sometimes perceived as a more fleeting and superficial feeling than self-worth. However, instead of viewing them in contrast, it can be helpful to recognize how the two can work in tandem to nourish one another. As you work to build your self-worth, you may notice an increase in your day-to-day sense of self-esteem. And as you cultivate self-esteem, you may feel your overall feeling of self-worth growing.

How to Strengthen Your Self-Worth

Below is a list of ways to increase your self-esteem. As you engage with these suggestions, consider how that feeling of confidence in yourself can extend to a foundational sense that you are valuable just because you are you.

1. Turn to music. Find a song (or make a playlist) that makes you feel good, confident, and like you can do it! Hint: these types of songs often make you feel like dancing along. Consider (re)turning to a song from your youth. Revisiting a nostalgic song, from adolescence especially, can remind us of a time when things were new and exciting, and we felt fewer limitations.
2. Dance! Now that you’ve got a song or two that makes you feel good, move your body to them! Dancing often has the effect of increasing energy and decreasing tension which is both great for increasing self-esteem.
3. Become the Confidence Fairy. Text, call, write a letter, email, or facetime a few people that you think are amazing, and let them know how you feel. It might feel cheesy to you, but odds are that they will feel flattered. One way to feel more confident in yourself is to spread confidence to those around you.
4. Revisit photos of happy memories. Scroll through the photos on your phone and spend time looking at and reminiscing over the ones that bring you joy. It can sometimes be hard to remember that you are special to others but taking the time to look at photographic evidence can be a helpful reminder. Consider setting them as your screensaver or phone background or putting them up somewhere you will see them repeatedly.
5. Make a To-Learn list. Taking the time to consider and write down some of the things you’d like to learn reminds you of your passions, your capabilities, and makes it more likely that you will seek out and start learning some of those things.
6. Tailor your social media. If you haven’t already, get intentional about your social media. Seek out and follow accounts that make you feel inspired, calm, or like you are learning. Unfollow accounts that make you feel needlessly negative about your self-image.
7. Seek joy. Take note of the little things that bring a smile to your face or make you feel like dancing. Try to engage with those things more often. It is much easier to feel good about yourself from a joyful place. Experiencing and noticing joy in our lives is important and underrated.
8. Clean out your closet. If you are able to, get rid of everything you don’t like anymore (and be honest with yourself about what you don’t like). The difference in how we feel about ourselves when we like what we are wearing is larger than you might think.
9. Embody your boundaries. Do (or continue) the hard work of getting honest with yourself and then with others about your limits. If you don’t like something or don’t want to do it, and you have the option, don’t do it! Communication is key here. Once you know your boundaries, clearly communicate them. You’ll find yourself with more time, energy, and transparency.
10. Change your environment. When you’re struggling to feel confident in yourself and your abilities, take a walk or move to a different room. Changing your setting can do wonders for changing your mood and perspective.
11. Pay attention to your crowd. Seek to spend more time with people who see your whole self and who you don’t have to put on a mask for. If possible, try to spend less time with people around whom you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself.
12. Tune into your emotions. The more you understand what you are feeling the easier it will be to navigate those feelings for yourself and communicate with others about them. This can lend itself to an increase in confidence and ease, over time.
13. Make a list of things you like about yourself. This could include your talents, traits that make you unique, ways that you help others, and anything else that sparks joy or pride in yourself.
14. Consider the Generous Reading. If you are a harsh critic of others, you are likely a harsh critic of yourself. Try offering yourself and others a perspective of generosity. See if you notice a shift in your thought patterns.
15. Lose the standard of perfection. No one is perfect; not you, not your pet, not your best friend, and certainly not your favorite celebrity. When you make a mistake, acknowledge that it is a part of the human experience and then move forward in the direction that you deem most appropriate. Trying to never make a mistake is already a failed endeavor. Holding onto mistakes you have made in the past won’t change them. Stop measuring yourself (and everyone else) against a standard of perfection.

Small Steps, Great Rewards

Engaging in small acts that raise your self-esteem will increase your momentary happiness and confidence and, with consistency over time, your deep-seated sense of self-worth. With increased self-esteem and self-worth, you are more likely to be able to handle adverse situations that arise as well as generally experiencing life from a more balanced, enjoyable, and fulfilling baseline. Neither of these goals are easy or quick to achieve, but they are possible and worth the effort.

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