Understanding Your Daily Focus
It’s easy to talk about letting go of resentment and moving
on, but it’s a lot more difficult to do it. Jealousy is a natural and deeply
rooted emotion, it lets us know that we believe we are deserving of the things
we want and need, so the feeling itself can be useful when observed without
intense emotion. However, the way we act when we feel jealous or resentful is
often at odds with building healthy relationships and getting us closer to the
things we desire. It’s important to take stock of where this feeling is coming
from, if it’s truly connected to the situation at hand, or perhaps arising from
something deeper, and how to consciously let it go and work on moving forward. In
this week’s Daily Focus, I want to look at the many dimensions and facets of
these feelings, how we can maybe get something good out of them, and then
hopefully let them go.
Saturday, January 15
“Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.”
–H.G. Wells
If you’re unsure of where to begin with confronting your own jealousy, it’s a good idea to look at what makes you feel morally superior, hold onto resentment, or be stuck in stark, black-and-white thinking. Sometimes, when we peel the layers back, we often find that jealousy lives just on the other side. Take the time to ask yourself where your anger comes from, and whether someone else’s shortcomings are simply them being further along their path than you.
Sunday, January 16
“Anger, resentment, and jealousy don’t change the
hearts of others– they only change yours. –Shannon Alder
The sad truth is that while these emotions may feel
productive, they are only destructive. Take this time to look at where you’re
feeling closed off and ask yourself what you’re gaining by holding out. I know
it’s easier said than done, but take the time today to at least self-reflect,
if not make any further changes. This is something that everyone can benefit
from.
Monday, January 17
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for
the other person to die.” –Carrie Fisher
The longer we allow ourselves to wallow in these negative feelings, the more we will suffer. The troubling thing is that anger, when it is deserved, is a powerful tool. It allows us to set boundaries, communicate hard feelings, and walk away from people who are causing us harm. Resentment feels a lot like anger, except the only person it’s harming, is you. There may well be real reasons for your feelings, but holding onto them, fostering and feeding them, doesn’t solve any problems in a practical sense.
Tuesday, January 18
“Often those that criticize others reveal what he
himself lacks.” –Shannon Alder
Resentment and jealousy can be sneaky. As I mentioned
before, looking into where they may be hiding under other emotions is key. Why
do we feel so strongly about someone else’s actions? Is it perhaps because we
see ourselves in them, and have fought hard to do things differently?
Sometimes, seeing someone take what we perceive as the easy way out can cause
resentment, because we had to do it the hard way. But what’s done is done, and
it’s possible that you could even learn something about your own, deeper
feelings.
Wednesday, January 19
“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.” –William
Shakespeare
What Shakespeare means here is that often, resentment is food, it’s fuel. There are people who need to cause harm in order to elevate themselves and to be fair, we have all done this at some point. But making it a habit is dangerous. It’s time to really examine our own intentions and how we enact them.
Thursday, January 20
“A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t
have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.”
–Lionel Shriver
Sometimes we can feel resentment because someone has something we don’t, or more likely, something we have no way of getting for ourselves. The fact that we can’t have it makes it all the more desirable. But sometimes, as stories have long tried to tell us when we get the thing we were chasing, we often realize it wasn’t what we were after. If you can step back and look at the situation as a whole before it gets to that point, we can redirect ourselves toward what we need and truly desire.
Friday, January 21
“So full of artless jealousy is guilt,
It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.” –William
Shakespeare
Sometimes the things we fear about ourselves are the things
we criticize the most in others. Sometimes focusing only on what we want blinds
us to the gifts that are along the way. This week, and whenever you can, it’s
important to let go of preconceived notions about happiness and find it where
it’s hiding.
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