Leave Your Ex in Your Past
The temptation to reconnect with an ex, even if only through social media, may seem innocent. But the research on reconnection is pretty undeniable: When you stay connected to an ex, you only end up prolonging your heartache, your confusion, and the healing process. It’s best to avoid any contact with your ex, but that doesn’t mean some of us won’t make excuses for reaching out. Here are the top four.
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1. You Want Them Back
If you think you can make it work and are willing to give it another try, hopefully it is because you both have learned from your mistakes and are better people now. But the truth is the odds are not in your favor. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t just stumble across their social media profile either. How long have you been out of contact with them anyway? Why make the same mistake over again? It’s better to move on.
2. You’re Over Them, But You’re Curious
Let’s say you’ve gotten over the breakup and moved on with you life. It’s still okay to be curious, right? So what if you want to stalk, I mean, look up your ex on social media? Your curiosity is going to take you back to the relationship. You may view it through rose-colored glasses now, especially if you are single and feeling lonely. And sure, maybe your ex got fat, went bald and lost all his money, but what if he is now happily married with a family? Do you want to risk seeing that?
3. You Feel Like You Could Be Good Friends
Are you sure you don’t have an ulterior motive? Like maybe you’ll start out as friends and then fall in love again? It’s really hard to just be friends with someone who used to be a lover. You have to create new boundaries that you never had before. And also, consider how they treated you while you were romantically attached? If they weren’t a great partner, what makes you sure they would be a good friend?
4. They Reached Out to You
Let’s say your ex reaches out to you on social media. Let’s say they apologize for hurting you and want to get back together or just be friends. It seems innocent enough, right? You probably won’t be able to make it work this time either. And, how do you know they don’t have an ulterior motive? Maybe they hope friendship will turn into friends with benefits. Maybe they have a new partner they’d like to throw in your face. Just because an ex comes calling, it doesn’t mean you have to answer that call.
Soul Growth
In order to achieve soul growth, we need to learn from our mistakes, shed old habits and move on. You aren’t moving on if you’re attached to old relationships and feelings that don’t serve your higher self. Your ex is a reminder of who you used to be. Sometimes it’s just better to leave them in your past—where they belong.
11 thoughts on “4 Excuses for Reconnecting With an Ex”
Could be true for most cases but but every situation and person is different. So it cannot be generalized. If people are meant to come back around they will. Some people remarry years later etc. It all depends really.
Your 4 excuses for reconnecting with an ex really hit home with me. I recently let someone go who was in my life for the last 10 years. It wasn’t very good lately and when I read these it really made me think. Thank You…
I stayed friends with the majority of my exes so it isn’t that hard, though I must admit it was a learning experience as in my teens and twenties I was very immature and naive and expected people to put up with things I myself would not have done- and when we have talked about the past I was almost embarrassed at my own behaviour and lack of consideration of others feelings I know I’d had a sheltered upbringing and didn’t know much of the ways of the world however thinking of it now -how I never listened even to advice that was in the long run in my own interests- I wonder why anyone would have put up with me for long, fortunately I’ve learned as well and hopefully now am a much better person for it
Excellent article! It talks about things that are so UNBELIEVABLY obvious and so UNDENIABLY true; we (well, most of us) know them too well and yet keep making the same mistake over and over again. Whoever claims they’ve never “been there & done that” is either a hypocrite or an incredibly lucky person to know their own worth… And social media aren’t helping either! LOL At least, back in the day when there was no Facebook, LinkedIn, and suchlike, one’s stalking/ reconnecting options were limited to good old phone calls, emails, and incidentally bumping into your ex in a public place. Now we are swarmed with all those e-temptations that do seem so innocent (“I’ll just see his most recent pics” or “I’ll just check out whom he’s recently added to “friends”), yet do so much harm to our egos and the healing process. So, thank you very much for excellent advice! 🙂
When I decided to leave my ex–I had waited almost two years for him to sign the divorse papers but the did not–he faked another heart attack but after an exam from a heart specials he lied to me and said he really did have the attack but he also said that the test opened another door that we could then go on a vacation or buy a new car etc. I answered with–Yes, it opens another door–I AM LEAVING IN THE MORNING AND I GOT UP THAT MORNING AND LEFT–TWO SPOONS, FORKS, GLASSES ETC. CAME TO Denver AND BEEN HERE EVER SINCE–YEA FOR ME–GOT IN THE CAR SHOUTED ALL THE WAY TO Denver–I’M FREE–IM–FREE–IM FREE!!! 20 YEARS LATER I AM STILL HERE AND HE LEFT PERMANTLY–
I would like to add to last post that not only were we both Aries,but we both had the same birthday!
All that you say is NOT true!I broke up with an ex about 10 years ago,since then she has remarried,had another child,and has gone on with her life.That does not mean that we can not still be friends,does it?We check in with each other every once in a while,to see if we can help each other in any way,after all we were lovers at one time.We lived together for about 8 years,with her children that have grown up now,one spent 2 terms in Afganastan,and they have grown to be responsible adults in spite of our differences!
now they are bigger than me!They are not my kids,but I treated them as such!Now we talk about politics and who we should vote for and the state of the economy.There mother and I are still very good friends and comunicate when time permits.We have our boundries of course, but we still care for each other.She was a para-leagal and helps me with my legal matters.
What we had together back then was real!We just figured out that we could not live together without killing each other,so we decided to move on and stay in touch with each other.
We still love each other,but in a different way.She went her way and I went my way…
I wish my fiancée’s ex would read this, for some unknown reason she constantly tries to sabotage our relationship even by contacting his other ex’s, I think she is trying to get him back but all she is dong is making him despise her, silly woman I feel sorry that she can’t move on, but we have and are loving life! thanks for a good little article Gez
My ex, the love of my life, reached out to me 8 years ago, 3 weeks after I asked my then spouse for a divorce. we wrote, then got together 3 months later. we both married people we didn’t love…I’m the only one for him and vice versa.
turns out our original break up was because he saw how men react to me and din’t have the self confidence.
we got married 5 months ago after living together for 7 years and it is SO right.
I had everything in the world one could possibly want except for him…there have been a few glitches but so worth it.
Since we got back together, have heard similar stories over and over.
You might be right for some people, but you are totally wrong for us.
I did reach out to him a couple of months ago because he lost his mother, but won’t answer the phone, and I felt the hurt all over again. Now, I stay my distance.
My ex-husband left me for another woman in 2011, we have not talked since. I prayed and stilling healing from how ugly a man can get. Therefore, I feel I am afraid to meet another man because of how he left me with nothing, hurt and abandonment. I have not met anyone because I am afraid to ….