4 Things That End a Relationship Before It Even Starts

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4 Surprising Traits That Are On His Checklist

1. Fishing for Compliments

On the face of it this sounds like a fairly innocent crime. So can it really end a relationship?

More than you would believe.

First of all, let me explain what I mean by fishing for a compliment. It might be a statement, like saying to your partner “Oh, it’s not fair. Everyone in this place is so skinny and good-looking” in a way that suggests you don’t find yourself attractive. Often when women in relationships make these statements, they’re said with the hope that their man will reassure them and say “But you’re beautiful/skinny/attractive too!”

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This kind of reassurance can become extremely tedious for a man.

Fishing for compliments is a symptom of neediness, which is one of the biggest sexual turn offs for men. Needy behavior involves things like asking your partner to reassure you that you’re not fat, or worrying that you’re not as good looking as everyone else in the room, or that you’re not clever enough, the list goes on.

It’s the complete opposite of sexual confidence, and what’s more, it’s emotionally draining to be with someone who needs a constant self-esteem boost.

2. Jealousy

Whilst harmless playful jealousy can be fun, as soon as it strays into interrogations about where he was every moment of last night, who he was talking to, who he’s texting, or asking him whether he fancies his attractive co-worker, you know you’re in danger territory.

Jealousy is dangerous because it makes a man resentful towards his partner. He’ll feel more inclined to hide things because he feels like he’s being tracked. He will also start to resent being in a relationship, because he’ll associate it with being trapped instead of it being something he’s proud to have. Feeling trapped is perhaps the number one reason men have an instinctive fear of being in a relationship.

3. Unwillingness to Compromise

It’s become a cliché to say it, but a relationship is doomed from the beginning without compromise.

I need to qualify this though, because often people associate the word ‘compromise’ with giving up on the things that are important to you. We have been taught in recent years that it pays to be uncompromising in our lives, because this allows us to stay true to what we believe in, and ultimately to achieve success.

But it only pays to be uncompromising with a few very core values. When we talk about being compromising in a relationship, all we mean is that you allow yourself to be (a) open to criticism, (b) willing to change if necessary.

As soon as you shun criticism, it’s like you are putting your hands over your ears and blocking out everyone else’s voice but your own. People who will never compromise are stubborn.

Think about it. In order to maintain our relationships with our parents we sometimes have to compromise, and the same is true of our best friends. If we never compromised, it would just be two people shouting at each other, refusing to bend unless they get their own way.

Compromise is essential if a relationship is going to survive, and it begins with empathy. We need to understand where our partner is coming from, and make our needs clear to them.

4. Hoping That He’ll Change

Men don’t magically change once they are in a relationship. As Hanna Arendt said:

“Please don’t fool yourself: nobody was ever cured of anything, trait or habit, by a woman, though this is precisely what all girls think they can do.”

If you’re hoping that he’ll become less of a party animal, or more serious about his career, or stop flirting with other women, let me save you the time and heartbreak. He won’t change.

We’ve all made the mistake of falling in love with someone’s potential, instead of falling in love with who they are. Make sure you know the difference.

If your relationship is spent trying to change someone’s habits, it will end with either your frustration or their resentment. Bottom line: It’s not worth the effort.

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