Is Your Toxic Relationship Consuming You?
It’s that feeling of uncertainty. You have it when you need to make those tough life decisions that aren’t so cut and dry. And one of the hardest decisions to make in life is the decision to walk away from toxic people, especially when those toxic people are friends and loved ones. It’s a decision that will hurt someone. It’s a decision that means never seeing that person again. But, it’s also a decision you have to make for your own well-being. Essentially, you have to hurt someone else to make yourself better.
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I’m not talking about breaking up with your hairdresser, switching dentists or ending things with someone you’ve been seeing for a few months. I’m talking about letting go of someone who has played a significant, yet negative, role in your life, like a spouse, parent, sibling or best friend. If your relationship is bad, you absolutely need to walk away from toxic people.
A Toxic Relationship Defined
A toxic relationship is one that brings you down. It’s abusive, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. A toxic relationship makes you feel worthless. It makes you cry—like all the time. Have you ever said any of these five statements to yourself when dealing with a toxic friend or family member?
1. I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, chances are you’ve made multiple efforts to improve things between you and the other person. But for every step forward you take in progress, you also take multiple steps backward. You can’t catch a break, because it’s one thing after another and there is no end in sight. Stop fighting. Just walk away from these toxic people.
2. I’m doing it out of obligation, not love.
This statement is especially true when it comes to family. A child may feel obligated to spend time with an abusive parent or sibling because there is a blood bond. But if you do it and you don’t enjoy it (In fact, you dread it.), that’s a sign that it’s time to walk away from toxic people. Obligation and love feel different. Don’t do things for people because you feel like you have to. Just let them go.
3. I don’t feel like I’m valued.
You’re the giver and they’re the taker. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it’s always going to be unless you do something about it. If you’re in a toxic relationship, you feel like the other person doesn’t value you. Your opinions, feelings, and desires aren’t taken into consideration—ever. It’s one-sided and unhealthy. Just let them go.
4. I feel like I’m compromising myself and my happiness.
Why should you have to compromise who you are and what you want in order to have a relationship with someone? If being near them doesn’t make you happy or if they expect you to do things that differ from what makes you happy, then why do you have a relationship with them? Your life is yours to lead, so live it the way you want to and don’t compromise your happiness for anyone. Walk away from toxic people.
5. I’m only staying out of fear and/or guilt.
Fear and guilt are powerful feelings. The fear comes from not knowing what your life will be like without that toxic person. Sure, it could be better, but you’re afraid it could be much, much worse. And the guilt comes from feeling like you’re abandoning someone, or at least that’s how the toxic person will see it. But who cares how they see it? You’re “abandoning” an adult who can fend for themselves; you’re not throwing an infant to the wolves! Just let them go.
Deep down, you know when it’s time to let go. And if you’re feeling that way it’s because you know you deserve better too. So go after better. It’s out there waiting for you. You just have to walk away from toxic people who have been holding you back first!
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41 thoughts on “5 Signs It’s Time to Walk Away From Toxic People”
Wow, this is a real good article ,I have been going through for 11years of marriage. I thought he just had some issues from his previous marriage , so I tried to understand,space, etc. ,this is our forth separation . The time apart of each separation, I thought he was working through his problems . Each time we got back together with hope in mind, it was the same pattern. He is so unhappy with himself ,that he really don’t know what’s he blessed with. So in the processs he doesn’t know me, my feeling, time, money love, respect, etc ..i got to accept that he was damage when we got together . Every word in his article ,I can relate . And it also define my thoughts. Now I can also accept that he was toxin.
I feel your pain. I had to walk away from a toxic person that I love very much. It hurts but I just couldn’t do it anymore. He was an energy vampire and drained all my life out of me.
Yes I got out of toxic relationships but only just realized I had more toxic relationships than I knew but as I get older I now know an wlk awy thank God for giving me the courage to do it. The last breakup hurts the most as I love this person very much and pray everyday for us to be together again. Your doing a great job and seem myself in a few of the comments. Keep up the good work Chastity
I KNOW what a toxic relationship is. Just got out of one and I feel thousands of pounds lighter. I stayed in it much longer than I should have but the icing on the cake was when I was asked to do some things that I really didn’t want to do. When I “compromised” by saying I would do 1 of those things, I knew, at that point, tha it was time to let it go. I did and I’m so happy that I did. Try it – you might like it.
The statements in the article are very true. I agreed totally but the fact that it’s so difficult to walk away especially if they are family members even though they are narcissist. I am married to a man for six years and he is completely selfish, manipulative and controlling with bad addictions of tobacco, alcohol and sex fantisizing or having motives with new women. he has so many past relationships already but still not enough for him. just used me to fill his emptiness and he lied to me about his age when we met until I realized but too late and too bad because I already have a child with him and worse the child is so young that is not easy to leave.I though to leave but the child will have no father . I still have faith for the better future and perhaps one day I am able to leave this hell of a life… I am still praying for the better for myself and my child.
I have read all the comments above and realize what most people are lacking is courage which would be stronger if they had faith in God or a higher power. Anytime you decide to stay with someone who is toxic you are deciding you do not want God’s best for your life. I am an open minded Christian woman who believes that we each need to live with courage and have faith that God has a divine plan for our lives and it is good. You can never have God’s best as long as you stay with someone who is not God’s best. God’s best is always peaceful, good and wholesome. If you do not have peace in your relationships then chances are it is a toxic relationship. Think and pray long and hard before you get involved with anyone. It is a lot easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one! And whatever you do make sure you don’t reproduce with someone who is toxic or you will be stuck with them for at least 18 more years. I dated a guy for two years who claimed to be a born again Christian, but he had a porn addiction and wanted a traditional wife he could dominate and control. Needless to say that was not me. I am very independent and self sufficient and at age 48 and being divorced for over 12 years I was not about to allow a man to control me. I got a divine message at church that said “you have to let him go now because he doesn’t know what he wants…he might come back to you, but if he doesn’t I’ll have someone else for you. I walked right out of church and broke up with him after two years of serious dating and being in love with him. He married another woman 10 months after our break up. She looked like the type of woman who catered to his insecurities and fantasies. I ended up marrying an old boyfriend a year and a half later who was a much better fit for me. Had I not had the courage to break up with the first guy I would not currently be enjoying the blissful marriage I now have four years after that painful break up with a man I would say was toxic. Live with faith and courage and watch how your life changes for the better!
I’ve lost the moon by counting the stars several times. The last being a Libra born 10/07/45 that was the daughter of a preacher, her first husband was a preacher and this hopeless romantic Pisces felt sorry for this down and out blonde headed blue eyed user, manipulator of men till she finally moved on her own volition and guilt after 22 yrs., but only after culling another one out of the congregation twenty years her senior and high-tailed it Rochester, NY. Her whole family was probably modeled after the movie ‘Elmer Gantry’. Her father, ex, brother & herself were all defrocked and excommunicated from any and all churches for life….Imagine that..? God is alive and well and still makes corrections and adjustments in our lives sooner or later. But in closing…..’Lana’……Thank God and Greyhound…..Your Gone. Amen..!
To everyone out there! We all need to learn to love ourselves more! I have been through 2 toxic relationships and have had enough courage to leave both of them… I consider myself a very smart and successful woman and I will stay single the rest of my life then go through hell again…
what a relive, my wife suddenly became a monster after 4 years of our marriage 10 years after, i lost everything including my business and she wld say aint seing anything yet. From friends advice i finally moved out 2years ago but i was not sure of my dicission bcos of my children but now, i believe i was right tohave moved. Thanks dear friends.
Excellently written piece, Dania .. With very sound advice !
I wish someone would give me the advice, courage, and the means to get me outta this toxic relationship from hell!!!
I have had to take meds to keep calm….just so my blood pressure wont make me spontaneously combust …. I take every other wknd to spend time with me….to just get away from the tension…only to return to more tension….more attitude….more snide remarks….more sarcastic bs……all becoz he refuses to get off the couch……..turn off the tv….complain about everything..and has to call his mommy every nite at the same time…and at 3 times on the wknd.
I like the outdoors……and live music……I have asked him to come along……but he always say no. he just wants to wither away …and expects me to do the same.
25 + yrs is too long to be miserable ……..I need to get out…..
My family life is total failure. My wife cheated me by allowing her brothers to steal my valuable property. I allowed her to live with me as she is a good cook and manages house well. I have never treated her badly. She is in complete influence of her wicked brothers and always misbehaved with me. We married 50 years and spent about 3 years in Uk and 4 years in Iraq before war (1978-82). My 2 boys are also selfish. One of them is US citizen with Engeering MS from Rola Univ. and married and the other Is a Canadian with MBA from Simon Fraser Univ. and is gay. My only daughter M.Com.) is married but she is selfish too. My wife and 3 children have no love for me and I live a lonely , frustrated life. I have unsuccessfully tried to divorce my wife. It may be I was not fully confident and scared.
tq its helpful ..im going tru tis situation and im ready to let go the toxic relationship..its just wasting.
I sure wish I would have know this a long time ago. I married a full blown narcissist and it took me 17 years to get away from him and three to even feel I was recovering. Toxic people are toxic to our lives and we should run as fast as we can for our own welfare.
A toxic relationship hat makes you feel down? Interesting point, I have learned that people often put onto you there guilt, inadequacies, and fears. there comes a point when you have to protect your soul, your spirit and your own health mental and physical. Trust your gut feelings
Yes was in a very toxic relationship for a while and kept trying to make it work but, it takes two,she is an alchoholic and tried the A.A. thing but she wasn’t serious, went back together three times, it never got any better, so I finally left it was very hard for me, thankfully we didn’t have kids, together, she already had three when we met, after we were together for a while, I couldn’t help but imagine what they must have seen and been through, growing up,They are grown now, and have their own families, I still see them from time to time, and their kids, on holidays, It was like beating a dead horse, Now she has met a Biker friend that likes to drink and so I now wish them all the happiness in the world,Im now enrolled in college, taking courses in psych. and addiction, T.C.B.
I’m in a toxic relationship. But how can I let go of that toxic relationship? How can I walk away from a loved one?
Blessings to you Chastity, Great Article, glad that you were able to bring this out in the light, there are so many relationships that really need to read this article, so true to the fact, well written. Love n Light:)
I like what you comments were about Leo! Makes sense let go let go of things! I feel guilty!!!!!!!!!
gracias por los consejos me animan a seguir adelante ya lo deje ir el era extremadamente toxico
the comments in this article are accurate!
chasity,this is exactly what im going through right now with my son and his wife.i was really shocked when I seen this.i really wish I could talk to you but my finances are limited.but thank you
So true. I took baby steps until I could completely walk away. It took a few months, about 6, but I did it. I can’t say I’m happier, but at least I don’t feel weighed down by this person who I still love very deeply, but I know I want to be happy and I can’t have that with them.
Why is it so hard to do that to let them go. It feels sad really sad but it is true when you know there is not any possibility for a good relationship better to let them go. there is a saying so little love is that it is useless to waste it in jealousy. I know it is a little awkward but better to know when to let them go.
Very truth
can your family be a part of your relationships because I love some body so much it is everthing about hm I know he is the one for me so help me get he
Thank you so very much for this information, you enlighten my mind. I already did let go off with my first husband but I suffered for so many years (30) because of my children with him. I married again for only 8mos. and 19days because he died of terminal cancer which I didn’t know. I considered him toxic too because he didn’t treat me well. He just married me to take care of him and leave nothing to me, in short he used me. So sad.
I don’t have any money to speak to anyone I am seeking a job so if anyone is willing to give me a HAND up I would really appreciate it. Sometimes you have to give in order to receive.
I been reading dare to love we wre to read it together but nope he chooses not to what do you do when he holds all money credit cards I love him but tho
Ink there is more going on takes his phone every where it’s like he thinks it’s ok that he does the things he does and I will forgive him over and over again he said that out of his mouth WhAT DO I DO ??????????
This is the best article ,Ihave received some positive affermations from this aeticle.
THIS READING APLIES TO ME MORE THEN ANY OTHER I HAVE GOTTEN FOM THS SITE, I AM NOT A PAYING MEMBER I CANNOT AFFORD IT, UTWHEN YOU HIT MY LIFE LIKE YOU DIDTODAY I WILL KEEP ON FOLLOWOG AS LONG AS I CAN, THANKSFOR YOUR INSIGHT CHASTITY
U love my mate very much but we are ways arguing about money family
thanks very much coz, i am a realize myself its is a good time and waiting for a right guy in forever and he is found and i hope it will come true and this month ur a true conversestion …
I really loved this article. It was merely confirmation for me that I am doing the right thing for myself at the right time in my life. Sure it is hard and even painful, but it is also NECESSARY!
Great…………..I entirely agree xx
Thats true all this happen to me…!!!!!
Stop living that life.
What a timely article !!!!! Nicely done, Dania.
I went thru all of the above with a couple of family members, until one day, I woke up and said ” I’m DONE ” and burned those bridges behind me……for good.
Was the best thing I ever did. Afterwards, peace and tranquility, returned to my life.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose
just for me
Today is my dead father birthday, he and my sibling watched my mother abuse me since I knew since the age of five. Physically and mentally.My father got sick with cancer, and being the person I am I myself only took care them, not them. Six years 12 to 24 hrs a day. When he died I was treated cruely, abused, used and humilated. I disconnected from them totally after that, with no remorse. But the pain I suffer from it is my children. They know everything about my life the abuse and they still go by them and it hurts so bad. I would never go by anyone that did this to them. Anyone that hurts them are not in my life anymore, they are my children, I am their mother who has suffered from these people
i know i been friends with my ex boy friend i stil care and love him wish me and him could get back together again wish he wouldnt talk to other girls