Pornography can be good for some people. Couples going through a hard time sexually are often prescribed pornography as a way of re-engaging and rejuvenating their sex lives. And some people are voyeuristic, and get turned on watching others. But if your guy thinks that the reel life he’s seeing should be anything like your real life in the bedroom, then there’s a problem. Here’s why:
Porn. Is. Fake.
Once you strip away the facade of overacted orgasms, bulging biceps and silicone implants, you can remember that there is a crew of 10-15 people on the set — and from that simple fact, the fakery is obvious. These are people getting paid to perform a job… and it’s no different than any other form of entertainment. The question is: Does your guy believe that it’s real?
As an analogy, some WWE fans allow themselves to believe the “wrestling” they are watching is real, too, but the key difference is that most wrestling fans — even if they think wrestling is real — won’t try performing a pile-driver on their friends. And that’s where porn seems to be different.
“My [sexual partner] will love this, because those porn starlets love it.”
The porn industry is teaching its target market (read: men) all the wrong things, creating a huge disconnect with what men expect in bed.
Here are six bad lessons from the porn industry:
1. Women are always ready. Porn is flawed right from the time you hit play on the DVD player. While there are women who are ready for sex at the drop of a hat, most require some kind of effort besides eloquent, smooth lines like, “You ready?” or “How about some?” Do men really think that a line like “Wanna bump uglies?” is going to get them in the mood? It’s going to take a little more than that to get a woman to relax enough to forget about work stress, money worries, the kids, boring chores and everything else that is preying on her mind.
2. All women want to do anything to/for the man, while he provides a bare minimum. This is highlighted in every movie and in every scene.
3. Foreplay is not necessary. No need for all that pesky foreplay — kissing is overrated, ambiance is unnecessary, creating any kind of a mood is just a waste of time. Just give it to me now! Sometimes a quickie is just what a woman wants, but every time? No way!
4. Everything on a woman is… uh… “accessible”… and she wants you to do whatever you want to her body. Yeah, right. Sure. Women want no ambience, no foreplay, no attraction to their partners, and no privacy as a man has his way with every possible bodily opening. Puh-leaze
5. Nipples are there specifically for men to abuse. In porn land, pounding, pulling, pinching, twisting and prodding obsessively — with ever-increasing intensity — on the most sensitive of a woman’s body parts will earn men extra points. Can we please acknowledge that there is a real difference between aggressive sex and clumsy, seventh-grade experimentation? Some women are into pain and kink… but not all. (A clearer definition: Erotic might be a feather… Kinky is the whole chicken.
6. All women are naturally attracted to other women. Ah yes… the Holy Grail of sex for men: The threesome. There’s nothing wrong if she’s into it, but you won’t catch most women hanging out a with a friend, dressed as secretaries (or school girls, or teachers, or bikini-wearing “housewives”) with blue eye shadow and sticky red lip gloss, waiting (err… pining) for the guy to come home (or knock on the door with a pizza delivery) so they can have sex with him together.
These examples showcase the massive disconnect between what most women really want, and what men are being exposed to on a constant basis. If men are being turned on by an ever-increasing selfishness in bed, it’s no wonder sex lives are suffering (which I’m not just assuming … I’ve been told). I’m not suggesting that sex needs to be candles, soft music and aromatherapy every time, but assuming all women want these things is B.S.; there’s just no other term for it. And I’m also not suggesting that men should be doing all the work to create the mood, but I would suggest that there are rewards to be reaped for reading the scene, creating the right environment, and moving slowly… ending in a fever pitch.
Seduction is not over-rated… and it starts way before you enter the bedroom.
6 thoughts on “6 Bad Lessons Porn Teaches Men”
This point of view is only valid if you differentiate between types of porn. You’re only describing, mainstream / over-produced porn with “professional” models (ie. People who get paid for sex- ie. Prostitutes)
The most popular types of porn available on the internet, are made by amateurs, and are very authentic.
While some women may not be into the kind of sex portrayed in these videos, they should not expect the man they are with to conform to their lack of interest. Instead, they should find someone who shares their desires for a sexually dull, unadventurous lifestyle.. instead of leading someone else on…
Also,
What about bad lessons that porn teaches women? I can think of 20 off the top of my head…
This point of view is only valid if you differentiate between types of porn. You’re only describing, mainstream / over-produced porn with “professional” models (ie. People who get paid for sex- ie. Prostitutes)
The most popular types of porn available on the internet, are made by amateurs, and are very authentic.
While some women may not be into the kind of sex portrayed in these videos, they should not expect the man they are with to conform to their lack of interest. Instead, they should find someone who shares their desires for a sexually dull, unadventurous lifestyle.. instead of leading someone else on…
@ Tray – have you considered the 70% are checking up on their cheating men? Or even worse, checking out what they think their men want from them? Porn has made a beautiful act into something throwaway and meaningless, damaging the minds of young men and women with severe consequences. it is affecting the way men and women interact, the way women perceive each other and reinforcing the ever-played out image of man being superior and controlling over women. There is a link between porn abuse and violence towards women. Open your eyes and see what its teaching your children.
Article is spot on.
Oh my, what an interesting perspective presented in this article. Sorry, but a lot of it seems to be based on stereotypical thinking and vicarious observation sans much actual experience. Some of it is almost amusing. At first I thought to offer alternative viewpoints but won’t because that would likely be too controversial. The only thing I’ll say is that some porn websites report that they have more paying female customers than male. Some say that up to 70% of their customers are women.
Thank you for this article, Charles. I think you got it absolutely right. Porn is not for me (I’m female, by the way) and I would not be with a man who had to have it. Your last line is absolutely correct also, seduction starts way before you enter the bedroom. Perhaps instead of prescribing porn, the suggestion of a romantic getaway where two people can become connected to each other emotionally and physically would be a better remedy for their sexual discord … not the fake stuff.
Great article…..insightful.
And I especially agree with the very last sentence which was : ” Seduction is not over-rated… and it starts way before you enter the bedroom ”
Blesssed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500