When Looking for Love Has Gotten You Nowhere
The dating game is not for the faint of heart, with so many minefields and pitfalls to watch out for. But what happens when a few years down the road you realize that not only are you still single, but that you’ve lost some good partners for one reason or another. Maybe it’s fate that you haven’t found “the one” yet, or perhaps, you’re driving potential mates away with one or two negative qualities which render you un-dateable. Here are some of the more common ways that you may be hitting that destruct button in your relationships.
1. Commitment-phobic
Are you sabotaging budding relationships before they really take hold in an effort to protect yourself? Is your fear of commitment keeping you so closed off with your partner that he or she is left with no choice but to move on? If you are not able to give 100% to the relationship, it’s a waste of time for both of you, and they will eventually choose to move on to greener pastures.
2. High Maintenance
Do you need constant attention and validation from your significant other? Are your needs so great that your partner must always compromise their comfort to appease you? If you can’t learn to compromise and to put them first as well, they’ll eventually look elsewhere for a more equal partnership.
3. Control Freak
Must you have the final say about every little aspect of your relationship? Do you railroad your beau with your own opinions and interests? If it’s strictly your way or the highway, be prepared to be left in the dust.
4. Not Over Your Ex
It’s a sad fact that sometimes people carry the baggage of their ex for years, and through many relationships. If you haven’t put him to rest, your heart will never be open enough for the next guy, and it’s only a matter of time before your partner realizes that and moves on.
5. Selfish
There’s no room for selfishness in love, and if you can’t see past your own needs to be there for your partner, you will eventually lose him. In a relationship, each person must offer support and emotional nourishment for the other: if it’s all about you, the love has no chance to grow.
6. Dishonest
There is no meaningful relationship without trust, and if you can’t find it within yourself to be open and honest with your partner, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. If you’re lying to them, even about the little things, it means you don’t trust that he or the relationship can handle the truth. When you’re caught in the lie, and it’s only a matter of time, don’t be surprised when he moves on to someone to whom he can safely entrust his heart.
2 thoughts on “6 Reasons Why You’re Single”
Alina Mikos great article by the way.
Also I have to agree with part of the previous comment made by ‘soulofwolf’ with many females feeling proud of either labeling themselves consciously/subconsciously at various moments as “stubborn, selfish, spoiled,…” etc.,… and leaving it as an: “oh well too bad…and you will just have to deal with it”… type of attitude.
The last two European dates that I had within the past 2 years made it clear to me verbally at some point that they were stubborn. And guess what…? …they were absolutely correct and there was no way that I was going to compete in those situations, but they don’t want to recognize that their stubborness is a negative factor. They wanted to blame other things, other peolple… but good heavens no…not their stubborness…no way!!
Now If the situation were reversed …the females will complain to the end of the earth as to how unfair the guy is treating them(and unfortunately the short-term memory cells won’t allow the female to-want-to-remember her own un-fairness from days or weeks before). BUT… BUT… in all honesty & fairness, it’s not a gender issue because it applies to men as well as women everywhere in the world, so no one is immune from these situations.
I’m 46 & have travelled west-to-east for about 18yrs & going… between USA and Europe and have dated females from both regions over the past. But I’ve noticed the “trend” in attitude of wanting-to-be-stubborn in females as being, generally, used a bit more in the east. And I don’t mean any disrespect by saying that because this is about general attitudes & obviously I’m not saying that the west is any better. Because it’s not as this is my personal opinion & experiences as someone els’s may be markedly different. Every society around the world grapples with these issues in varying degrees – whether male or female.
I think a lot of that is attributed to allowance/un-allowance of flexible vs in-flexible thinking in Europe/Asia while growing-up. The various cultures have been around for many many thousandths of years more than the US & there are evident limited freedom’s of expression for the females growing-up in those regions moreso than the west. Plus coupled with strong cultural values & thinking whether good, bad, indifferent or in combinations for the females, reflects more as they get older.
That obviously reflects on their self-image in adult life & gets distorted into various forms like jealousy & stubborness as a way of getting noticed & having “control” now, but it’s a wrong and dangerous form. Many of the females know this, but they continue to self-sabotage in minute intervals eventhough it effects their general relationships as well.
And I guess for some females it’s a social disconnect of sorts in being able to have the pleasure of “control” through stubborness, as being greater than the unintended negative consequences that may arise. But unfortunately many will not admit their negligence when questioned and the fact that they are being irresponsible and not exemplifying balance.
For some reason, many(but not all) females wear the idea of stubborness, like it’s a gold-medal? It has no value to positive growth personally and definitely not in relationships. Because it tends to rear it’s ugly head at various moments during life’s challenging moments maybe it’s easy to just use it as a scapegoat?
Again let’s be fair as there are many men who have stubborn streaks and exemplify the same flows in character. Whatever the case may be … true responsibility in relationships is reciprocal – which is constant give and take of info to grow on…NOT… when you feel like doing it! Again that’s called being irresponsible and should be left alone as Alina has eluded to her her article.
But many times growth has painful exchanges which is par for the course. Honestly being able look-in-the-mirror at oneself & saying: “I was in-correct when I did that, and I am willing to correct my negative action so that it doesn’t happen again.” …is the best policy when done consistently…and again not just when a person feels like it(and then move on because life is still on the go you know & it’s not waiting for anyone to catch up- not even you).
It seems that the use of stubborness, selfishness… are similar to putting up ‘stop’ signs along the potential growth path of relations & feeling as if you don’t need to have an answer for it. People want to use these dangerous expressions, but in their fantasies or social disconnects, they don’t want to be responsible for its negative consequences like: un-necessary misunderstandings or broken relationships. As men and women we all need to be bigger boys & girls & stop straddling these fantasy “fences”. In most cases when the bad situations arise from our previous/past stubborness attitudes… we are not going to be the first ones holding-up our hand and saying, “…that happened because of my bad decision from before…” No we are more likely going to be the ones denying or running in the opposite direction sadly enough.
Go in one direction with efficient self-control and responsibility while making steady improvements consistently for years to come & stop straddling fantasy “fences”.
Have a good day:)
I hate to admit it but my last ex-girlfriend failed in all 6 categories. What I learned from her; however, is when a woman tells you she is “selfish and spoiled”, there is no need to waste any more time.