Post-Relationship Obsessions
So you’ve gone through the nasty break-up, you’ve had some time and space to get over the hurt and anger over how things ended, and you feel like you’re recovering from your romantic war wounds. You may be well on your way to getting over him; however, it’s usually a good idea to reflect on the validity of your recovery. Here’s a short review of some signs that might indicate—gulp—that your heart is not ready to let go.
1. You Compare Him to Every Guy You Meet
It’s natural to compare the people we meet with the ones we’ve known, friended, and dated. But when every guy is weighed, measured, and found wanting in some way or another, it’s a sure sign that you still have it bad for him.
2. Every Thought and Conversation Swings Back to Him
Everyone who makes an impression in your life will be a part of who you are, who you think of and speak of. But if thoughts of your ex pop into your head a hundred times a day, and when no conversation takes place without the use of your ex’s name at least once, you need to own up to the fact even though he may be out of your life, the ghost of his memories is still a very real presence.
3. You’re Constantly Checking Up on Him
With the advent of modern technology, it’s too easy to check up on anyone at any given moment through cyberspace. Facebook and Twitter have become perfect methods for round-the-clock observation of anyone you choose. If you’re constantly checking out his pages, comments, and other women he’s friends with, etc., you are indisputably in high obsession mode.
4. Your Actions are Influenced by How Jealous You Think it Will Make Him
Break-ups hurt, and a common response many women have is to go out there and make him regret it. Showing up at his favorite hangouts, flirting and hanging onto any guy within an arm’s reach in order to get a rise out of him is just a waste of time, and will only make you feel miserable when it doesn’t evoke the response you want. Face it, if you’re bent on proving to him that he gave up a good thing, you are clearly putting your energies into that instead of into the new guy you met last week.
5. You Can’t Throw Out Any Photos or Mementos of the Two of You
Keeping a few memories concerning every important aspect of your life can be a healthy choice, as it represents a tribute to life experiences and adventures, and years later can bring a sense of sweet nostalgia. But if you’ve got every scrap of memento of the two of you as a couple spilling out of numerous boxes—or worse, still displayed around your house—you clearly haven’t let go of the past.
6. When You Must Continue to Insinuate Yourself Into His Life
Even though you two have called it quits, you have constant urges to ask him how he’s doing, to congratulate him on the new girlfriend, new job, etc. It’s nice, and healthy to wish your ex well in his future endeavors and relationships, but when your main focus is to maintain an ongoing presence in his life for fear that he may forget you, it’s clear that your feelings for him still run deep. Along the same vein, maintaining friendships with an ex is not for everyone, and often someone still has feelings for the other, which only prolongs the heartache. Unless both of you are absolutely sure that the friendship comes with no delusions of future romance, you should work on focusing your energies instead, say, on your friends who offered you that supportive shoulder to weep on when he broke your heart.
6 thoughts on “6 Signs You’re Not Ready to Move On”
What’s wrong with this picture? I have been dating him for over 1 yr. We get along and enjoy one another’s company. He has an e-wife who lives about 50 miles away. She comes to visit him about every other month, he goes to visit her for 2-3 days every other month. They keep in touch by phone. Says he doesn’t sleep with her(don’t believe it)). but yet says he wants to see me>> I liked him right off the bat and was hoping our relationship would change. WHAT IS WRONG WITH A MAN WHO HOLDS ONTO AN X-WIFE LIKE THIS? Your article above refers to a woman not ready to move on. What about a man????? please answer.. Thanks…
This is going to sound weird, but I have a fear of what I am going to be going through VERY soon… AND IM GOING TO HATE IT! 7 months ago, I met a WONDERFUL man-We have absolutely no problems in our relationship. We work together very well, and we’ve even been paid compliments on it. We are very happy with each other,and wish we had met years ago..There are SO many qualities about him,and Ive never met anyone that lives his religion to the maximum.He actually goes above and beyong what is expected ,and I totally love and admire this particularly.I have learned MUCH from him.Problem is, he has lots of unfinished business in his home country and he must return there for an unknown amount of time…Hes asked me to wait for him,but for an indefinet amount of time? YIKES! Anyways,I know what I will be going through once he leaves and it will be hard. It was hard for me to let go of my last relationship and that one SUCKED! Oh well-gotta do what I gotta do right? I just feel like I am running out of time.I dont feel like I have time to sit around and remain stuck to a relationship that wont exist anymore..At 35 years old,its almost too late to have kids…Sigh…
This article can apply just as much to males as it does to females. I ran across an old flame last year, and the first time we physically met, it was like God himself took a two by four and slammed it over my head, what with the emotions and memories that came roaring back. This, after 21 years of not having seen each other. I kinda figure that if emotions don’t fade after that period of time, they aren’t – ever. She’s only one of two women in this world that I wanted to marry (I married the second one) and there isn’t going to be a third. And it is weird – the two women are two sides of the same coin….What to do, what to do……
Thank you for the article, Alina. Very insightful, and it reminds me of how far I’ve come, as I have been guilty on all counts in the past!!
Jacqueline, I am not sure if you will see this, but I spoke with you on Wednesday evening. I was the one who was all out of breath because I had run from the grocery store to my car so I could talk to you. I have spoken with you twice, and I just have to say – speaking with you is seriously like speaking with the divine. You ARE love and light, girl!! I am so excited for these great things you see for me!! I’m trying to find a balance between letting go and expecting the best. You have WOWED me in our readings, and I am amazed at the details you know. Perhaps best of all is that through you, I can hear what my soulmate’s father has to say to me. I have been “talking” with him a lot, and I hope he is lighting a fire under his son’s butt.
Thanks again for the article, Alina. Sorry to hog the comments with a message to Jacqueline. =)
Reflecting regularly on old/past r/ship could be viewed from two opposite divides:good or bad.Actually, it all depend on evolving emotion on the part of the concerned.To me,it is advised that such old r/ship be left as gone with the winds.No look back to gone r/ship.PERIOD!!!
Hi Alina,
Although these could be normal emotions one goes through, one thing to keep in mind is when these behaviors goes on for months or years it may be a time to move on, it may be doing more negative reactions than desired, it can be healthy to look at a past relationship… the flaws that were attached, but key note is to know when to let it go and start a new fresh exciting loving relationship, even a new life.
We can, if we choose, look at the past and learn the experience that is there for us to see, or not, the option is up to you.
Blessings and Big Hugs!
Jacqueline x9472