Are You a Dating Sinner or Saint?
Dating can become treacherous ground when you’re straddling the line between friendship and intimacy. We want to be so many things to everyone, but sometimes the best policy is to be honest with yourself about who you are, and what you’re looking for in a partner. If you have to commit any of these seven deadly dating sins in order to maintain a relationship, chances are it’s not worth it.
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1. Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush to Third Base
Sex is a fundamental part of a romantic relationship, but rushing into sex too soon can undermine true intimacy, replacing it with lust. In the early stages of a relationship, you should focus on increasing your emotional connection with each other rather than your physical one. While it’s easy to give way to the initial spark between you, if you truly get to know each other first, get more comfortable with one another, and more open to communication, the sex you have when you finally do get there will be far more satisfying. Allowing yourselves the chance to learn about each other and to get comfortable with what you do and don’t want in and out of the bedroom is a key factor in making a relationship work. Don’t let a potentially amazing relationship go up in smoke because someone felt too much pressure to perform, or someone else was too afraid to communicate. Give yourselves some time, and see where you end up. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
2. Pride: Thou Shall Not Try to Change Your Lover’s Ways
Pride has many faults, such as desiring perfection in ourselves and our mate. But one of the worst things you can do in this pursuit is to assume that you have the ability to change someone into everything you’ve ever wanted. They may want to change, but you shouldn’t pin all your hopes of happiness on the future version of the person you are with. If you have a list of items your potential partner must be, be able to do, or be willing to change for you before you will go out with them, then you are being too picky. While it may be annoying that they snort when laughing at reruns of Seinfeld or can’t give a decent massage to save their life, these traits really aren’t a good reason to throw away a potentially satisfying relationship!
3. Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much Too Soon
One of the major deadly dating sins is expecting too much, too soon in a romantic relationship. The early stages of any romantic relationship should be about getting to know each other. Your likes and dislikes, your dreams for the future, your reasonable expectations, and your hobbies should be the focus in the early stages of a relationship. And if you even make a commitment in the form of a long-term relationship down the road, take everything in stride and just enjoy being together. Give and receive gifts but don’t demand big-ticket items on the regular. Dollar signs don’t equal love.
4. Gluttony: Thou Shall Not Smother Your Partner
In the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s easy to become obsessed with your partner to the point where you’re smothering them. You could even experience separation anxiety if you’re apart. Perhaps you neglect your friends, your job, your family, and even yourself for the sake of dating. You’re overdosing on your partner and there really is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Instead, seek balance. Your love life is just one important facet of who you are, so give your partner a reasonable amount of space. It will only benefit everyone, and your relationship, in the end.
5. Wrath: Thou Shall Not Assume Your Partner is Like Your Ex
Expecting everyone to be like your exes is a recipe for disaster. After all, what’s the point of being in a romantic relationship with someone new if you’re just going to treat them like someone you’ve already been with? That is one of the major deadly dating sins right there! In order for real love to prosper, you must treat each new relationship as a blank slate. You must also leave your relationship baggage behind. If you aren’t ready to do that, you aren’t ready to be in a relationship.
6. Envy: Thou Shall Not Compare Relationships
Stay clear of love interests who like to compare you to their exes and offer advice on how to become more of what they prefer in a mate. Resist the urge to mold your current partner into the perfect mate too. And don’t look to other couples who seem to have it all. They don’t, even if they’d like to pretend they do. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved. Your partner doesn’t need to be perfect to deserve love either. Focus on your own relationship and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.
7. Sloth: Thou Shall Not Get Complacent
One of the best things about being in a long-term relationship is how comfortable that love feels. However, there is such a thing as too much comfort that it looks like laziness. Don’t get lazy with love. Don’t skip date nights and be sure to dress up for each other every now and then. Look for special ways to connect, always make time for each other, and try new things … in and out of the bedroom.
There’s nothing worse than romantic uncertainty, but you don’t have to navigate the ebbs and flows of love alone. A love psychic is always available to help and a psychic love reading is exactly what you need to get your relationship on the path to forever.
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7 thoughts on “7 Deadly Dating Sins”
I don’t usually follow psychic advice, but I think Eric Leech nails it with these few sentences: “In order for real love to prosper, you must treat each new relationship as a blank slate. You must also leave your relationship baggage behind. If you aren’t ready to do that, you aren’t ready to be in a relationship.” I keep thinking I’m ready, but I’m obviously not. Maybe next year. Thanks, Eric.
I’m confused. Have we all gotten to the point where we can’t see past our noses, or are we forever doomed to “men are from mars…” There are some fundamental difference in the way the genders sees the world, but this seems ludicrous.
The entire article was written as though “he” was the villain, anywhere where a sterotype might put “her” as the criminal a gender neutral pronoun is used, and at least one response puts women as the “poor victims”. (Or maybe I’m being to sensitive since all I seem to be seeing of late are gender equality articles written with a strong bias toward one side of the aisle or the other.)
Men and women are capable of committing any of the above mentioned seven sins. But they’re only deadly if someone doesn’t stand up and say “wait a minute”.
Boundaries are a must in any relationship, not only a significant other. Communication is probably the other significant quality well worth looking for.
so what if,as a female, most of guys you’ve dated are like that, and you decided to stay away but they wont let go?
Dear Just Breathe: Boy, I’m sure we all have situations where we would like to make amends. I know I do. The one thing I would warn against is regret. We make choices, even when we don’t know that we are ‘making’ choices. This is the folly of youth. Much like the girl in the red shoes, some of us just dance through life and people as well. I think the only amends you can make is in your mind and heart. Of course, if the person is still around, you could always tell them, ‘boy did I goof’, etc. It doesn’t mean a relationship will restart, but it will give you some peace of mind and self-respect. To acknowledge to another human being your mis-steps is to feel that humility which always leads to grace in your life. After that, you should have learned to treat each dating situation on a more serious level, because in the end, even though the relationship doesn’t materialize into something permanent, at the least you can walk away knowing you acted “correctly” and didn’t disrespect him/her or yourself. Peace Be!
The piece on ‘Seven Deadly Sins of Dating’ was very helpful and I hope young women where dating plays a large part in their life heed the advice. The one thing I learned late was that men are sizing a woman up as “partner” material. And they do compartmentilize women. Some are for fun, but not for taking to meet the moms. Like anything, dating is a two edged sword. We fought very hard in the ’60’s for our rights and our freedom to make love and not war. Things are very different and yet they remain the same. The marriage pact is something MANY young women are extremely focused on. They want to have the wedding, which in itself takes so much time and energy. While there are many ‘weddings’ taking place, the commitment part seems to be glossed over. That’s the hard part, and believe it or not, I do think a young man enters into marriage very seriously. It’s the status quo, and if the young man is in business, it is a unspoken ‘requirement’. It signifies a passage into adulthood, and if you can’t settle down in marriage, how can you settle down to business, a career? It is really crucial to date with your eyes open. If you are thinking on the 3rd date whether he wants children or not, you are rushing things to say the least. Also, learn how to keep your own counsel. Don’t tell him every last detail of everything. You don’t have to ‘share’ it all. Imagine if you will, that you are building a brick house. You don’t use inferior bricks. Those you toss aside and find a brick that will give you the best foundation possible.
Lastly, when entering into marriage, the next passage is having children. A serious and committed man does not want a party girl as the mother of his children. They are hard-wired that way. And while he is dating women, he is, whether he knows it or not, keeping notes on the behaviour of the woman he is dating. I know it’s hard to not get excited about someone you have just met, and things seem perfect, but taking it slower will give you a better chance to get to really know this other human being who has entered your life.
So if you have committed these sins, is there any going back and making amends? Can you start over and try again?
Hi Eric,
Excellent. excellent article !!!!! Good, grounded advice, especially concerning the smothering part, from a male point of view!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500