7 Tips and 2 Bits to Reduce Your Money Fears

Harmonize Your Relationship With Money

Voltaire has been quoted as saying that 90% of his life was spent worrying about problems and disasters that never did actually occur. Objectively speaking, when we consider how much and what we worry about, if we were to statistically break down all the stress rehearsal type thoughts we have, my bet is that our percentage of imagined or rehearsed problems that never actually occur, would (like Voltaire) fall within the 90% range of never actually occurring.

According to a recent survey of over 38,000 women by Its Just Lunch, nearly 90% of respondents deemed money matters as “very important” in terms of romantic relationships. No wonder the number one cause for relationship arguments is money!

The reasons money causes anxiety for both men and women include elements of control as well as issues with self worth, which is reflected in a sense of not feeling deserving, worthy, or lacking thereof. Attitudes revolving around money are often implanted in youth and, in many cases, derive from the attitude our parents, guardians and those close to us had about money. However, it’s not to say that experiencing some kind of financial loss or devastation as an adult can’t carry a negative impact, either, but in most cases we can trace money attitudes to family dynamics.

The truth is, in the United States (except in very rare cases) we typically have resources for necessities like food and shelter, so it’s unlikely how much we worry about money that we will ever be faced with complete and utter financial devastation. Even with bankruptcy and foreclosure at an astronomical rate, relatively speaking, folks in the middle of it are still faring pretty well (albeit starting over can be rough, though there is a light at the end of the tunnel). Aside from personal and ancestral karma, karma is also based geographically. This means issues faced in other countries such as Afghanistan and Africa are very different issues than those faced by inhabitants of other countries. In the U.S., while hunger, health care and homelessness are all very real issues, they are not nearly as pronounced here as in other geographical locations.

Honesty is an important component in any relationship. This means that being honest with ourselves about our own relationship with money then allows us to stand back and gain more clarity when it comes to money issues with our partner, and to reflect as to the origin of his or her issues with money. Studies have shown over 30% of people in relationships routinely lie to a partner about money. Aside from our personal experiences in this arena, it becomes even more clear that honesty and money are not in harmony with one another in most relationships.

Bits:

1. Men on average are more likely to engage in risky financial behavior than women and are less likely to save. Men tend to equate self-worth with money and material things. However, before demanding he get rid of toys and gadgets because he is valuable to you already, know this won’t help. Culture, society, and wiring are responsible for the man-mold we battle bucks with.

2. Women, on the other hand, have a higher sense of the need for security, which makes them more critical of finances, more likely to anticipate and worry about financial problems, and more hung up on the need for money in the bank, “just in case.” Women also tend to make the most of what they have, making them less inclined to spend on items they don’t really need.

However, these differences can be minimized and harmonized through gaining a clearer perspective and doing some personal reflection and/or detective work to dismantle negative and limiting beliefs about money.

Tips:

1. Be honest about income.

2. Be honest about purchases and spending.

3. Create and stick to a budget together.

4. Resist the temptation to be dishonest about spending.

5. Resist the temptation to accuse your partner of dishonesty in spending.

6. Remind and reinforce honesty about money in your relationship.

7. Remind yourself and your partner as to where money issues originate from, and use plenty of positive reinforcement and encouragement when it’s needed with one another to overcome them.

Once we begin increasing both our personal and partner awareness as to where the issues come from, our approach to joint finances can also become more harmonious, make more sense to both of us, and become less of a friction point in the future with our partner.

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