Are You a Love Stalker?

You loved each other. You broke up. Now, you are slipping into pathetic behavior – verging on stalker-like activities such as driving by your ex’s house, text messaging, hanging out at all your old haunts, calling and hanging up. Who are you? How can you make it stop? See the top three stalker activities you must avoid at all costs are. Then find out how to curb them.

1. Cyber talk
The most frequent violation in break-up land is the cyber-stalk. If you thank the stars that MySpace doesn’t list frequent visitors, you are treading in dangerous waters. If your browser automatically inserts their name when you pull up your Google page – you are in too deep. This violation includes past boyfriends, girlfriends or family members of the ex!

2. Text messaging
The next level of the compulsive behavior violation is text-messaging, calling from a payphone or restricting your phone number when you contact them. Do you really think your ex doesn’t know it’s you? They know it’s you because who else would call them from a restricted number? You aren’t getting away with anything. If you don’t believe this, your next unrestricted phone call should be to your therapist.

3. Drive-bys
The third, and most deadly, level of pathetic behavior is the in-person drive by or stopping by just because you’re “in the area.” You mean you just happened to be on their dead-end street on a Friday night around seven? You know (and they know) your goal is just one thing – to know for sure if they are already seeing someone else.

If you are already practicing any one of these time-honored pathetic behaviors, it’s time to stop. Here’s why – you won’t be able to get over your ex – ever – if you continue to do this. When you engage in this risky behavior, you trigger your adrenaline and endorphin levels to surge. These are the same family of brain chemicals that got pumping when you first fell for your beloved. By getting that “hit” of drama, you are lighting up that circuit over and over. You are addicting yourself to a distorted version of the joy you felt in the relationship – yipes!

How can you stop this destructive pattern? Simple, don’t be alone… for a few weeks. Make plans – lots of plans. See friends you haven’t seen for a while. Go visit your parents. Walk your dog, a lot. Erase their number off of your phone. You don’t need it ever again. You’re not going to call. Throw yourself back into your life. You were fine before they came into your life and you will be fine again.

Here’s the good news. The world is packed with people and as soon as you stop focusing on the person you aren’t supposed to be with anyway, you are on your way to connecting deeply with a new person – perhaps your ultimate soulmate (of which your ex is not). If there’s anything to learn from the past, it’s that the real feelings of elation and excitement that come from falling for someone who’s falling for you is a whole lot better than the heart-ache of the drive-by.