These words are in a song for a reason—many people go through a period when they realize intellectually that their relationship is over, but they can’t take action to actually end it. It’s probably a good time to really look at your situation if you are stuck, or to review your past breakups in order to learn from them, and not repeat any actions or behaviors that brought you more pain than was necessary, again!
Let’s be honest, no matter what the reasons, or who is breaking up with whom, it’s a process that will bring change, and at least some pain, if not a major broken heart. Change is always hard for humans, however life is change, so try not to hide from living your life because of fear. Remember F.E.A.R. stands for False Emotions Appearing Real! This is why we are “afraid” of taking action, as well as a lack of confidence in our own feelings. Self esteem can sometimes keep someone locked into an unhealthy relationship, so self examination is an absolute requirement.
Clarity is hard to come by when we’re looking at such an emotionally charged issue. Get a clear space alone, and really look at your own behaviors and actions first. It’s easy to point and blame, much more satisfying to get honest with yourself and grow. So it’s important to think about the situation when your mind is clear and sober. Be honest with yourself about it; try not to dramatize it, that’s great for getting attention, but it really sucks for finding out what is truly going on in your life!
Here are some questions to ask yourself in order to get clarity:
What do I need that I’m not getting?
Can I get it inside this relationship?
What are the issues that keep us from happiness?
Are they deal breakers? (no mutually appealing solution)
Now it’s time to make the pro and con list, and then make a decision!
The final step is the hardest; it’s time to take action. So if there is hope, and you believe certain steps can actually save the relationship, then immediately set up a time to discuss this with your mate. IF you both agree, set a time limit or date when these actions must happen (or risk it going on for years and ending up in the same state).
If your action is to dissolve the union, then once again get out your calendar and commit to yourself when and how to make that happen! The most important factors are being clear and taking action. If you are clear – move forward and reclaim your happiness. If indeed we are here to grow, there is no guarantee you are meant to grow in an unhealthy relationship, and you may be holding yourself back from the life you’re supposed to be living!
