Breakup Etiquette?

18 thoughts on “Breakup Etiquette?”

1. Pingback: Breaking Up is Hard to Do! | California Psychics Blog

2. Marianne December 9, 2009 at 10:32 am

   There is only portion of the “Break up etiquet” article that I disagree with: …”chalking up a split to their busy schedule won’t work either.”
   It can very well be the truth! When a partner’s schedule does not leave room for a relationship it can be very hurtful, leave the other partner feeling like a low priority — even when discussions have taken place in this area. And ultimately, if one is looking for a real partnership, where time together is important and stated as such from the beginning, it can be a very valid reason for a breakup. It might even help the other person to know this so even if it does not save this relationship it might save their next. Or they might think on it and realize that you were right: they didn’t spend enough quality time and/or made you feel like you were the last on their busy list. Just my humble opinion of course.

   Reply
3. Samantha Roberts December 1, 2009 at 8:02 pm

   Hey Alone,
   My name is Sam. I wrote the entry below yours. I am not American but Scottish.
   I really feel for your situation and i can totally relate to it. I myself was hanging around with the wrong crowd when i was younger, 16-19 yr old. I started to take some pretty bad drugs, pretty much everything apart from injecting myself during this time. I myself fell pregnant at the age of 19yr, which in turn made me give up drugs completely. My sons father, when i was 3 month pregnant, strayed with a stripper in a nightclub. I finished the relationship and went ahead with the pregnancy myself.
   My sons father is a heroine addict now and has never seen his son. My son is now 13yr, nearly 14.
   I was devastated at being a single parent and terrified at what lay ahead. I spent 9-10yr on my own until i met my partner as stated in my story below. My partner knows everything there is to know about me and my past, and trust me when i say there was a lot of history during my time with the drugs.
   I just want to let you know that there are guys out there who will accept you for what you are. I kissed many frogs before i found my prince. It will take you time to heal from such bad experiences. I managed to get over my past by concentrating on my future and my sons future. The first thing you need to learn is that you do not need anyone in your life who can not accept you for who you are. I know how lonley and vulnerable you can be as a single parent. It always seems like everyone else seems to get the things you want, security, love, trust etc. Learn to love yourself and accept that you cant change your past. I am not proud of the things i done when i was younger but i have certainly learned from them and became a stronger person. I went to college and studied part time for over 4 yr when my son was younger. It gave me a purpose. I went to college when my son was at school and worked everything around his schedule. It gave me the confidence to move forward and escape the painful memories of my past. If college isnt your thing then try something else a club or even just a hobbie, something that brings you some joy, laughter.
   You will meet someone special who can accept you for you. It may take you 10yr like me, but i can promise you it will happen when you least expect it to. In the meantime just concentrate on you and your daughter. Do everything for her and yourself and take pride in the things that you do accomplish. Treat yourself to something special when you have acheived your first goal. Before you know it the time has passed and the man you have been waiting for will find his way to you. This i can almost guarantee.
   I know its pretty basic advice and you may have heard it all before, like i did, but trust me it does work.
   If the man you just finished with cant accept your situation then he is not strong enough for you. I know your hurting just now but it will get easier. But dont blame yourself or your daughter if a man cant accept your situation. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to be strong and proud of the fact that you no longer live in the terrible situation you were in and you were incredibly strong to get away from such a bad relationship. Find the strength that you have inside, the strength you found when you left your partner to start a new life with your daughter. You will come through this a better and stronger person and dont let anyone take that away from you.
   Kind Regards
   Sam

   Reply
4. Alone November 30, 2009 at 4:53 pm

   Hi,
   I am a single mother that made some bad choices in the past. I got in love with a looser (drug addict too) who abused me and treat me bad. I got married with him, had a daughter and thanks to her I am out of that bad relationship. He hit me in front of her one night and that was it for me. He was out with a court order. I have been through divorce for more than 2 years now fighting for custody. During custody he already had 2 positive test, so I hope there is a final positive ending for my daughter. I live for her. I do everything for her. I started dating (never dated before, I’m not American) and this is the 3rd date of 2009. He touched my heart. We were together only for 2/3 month but he is what I was looking for. I realized that I love him. Just yesterday we broke up. Due to my situation with my ex, who appears and disappears at his convenience, I have my daughter 24/7. I live in a 1 bedroom apt. So there is a lot of inconveniences in my life. Even we had an amazing time, we both love each other, he basically said that even he tried, he cannot take my daughter and he’s not ready for an instant family. I think I understand him but i am so sad… I wish it was he or I did something but no, we are perfect for each other but still he can pass certain things from my past, including my daughter. He is catholic and I think it might have something to do with that… but why? Why is this so cruel? I understand he is not ready but is anyone out there that would accept me for who I am? with my mistakes? I am so devastated …One time I really open my heart… and again… rejected…

   Reply
5. Samantha Roberts November 30, 2009 at 10:29 am

   Hey Everyone,
   I met my man 4 and a half year ago. When we met he was married but we both knew we had sparks going off! He didn’t mess around behind his wifes back but within a week of meeting him he asked if he would have any chance with me. At the time i had been single for almost ten year. I said that if he wasnt happy in his marriage then he should end it but not to end it just for me as i couldnt make any promises after such a short space of time.
   Another week went by and then he appeared at my door saying that he had left and that he knew his marriage was over. We started to see each other in secret as we didnt want to hurt anyone and we didnt want his wife to think that we had been having an affair!
   Within about 3 months he finally told his wife that he was seeing me. Which went really well as she announced to him that she had met someone too. So from then we went full steam ahead. His divorce went through within 6 months as it was a very ammicable divorce.
   We were very much in love and we just couldnt stay away from each other. It really was love at first sight! We bought a house together and we should have lived happy ever after…
   However, i became sick at the time i started seeing him, i just didnt know it then. I had started to bleed during sex and i went to doctors, several of them, and no-one could find a cause for this bleeding. This in turn started to have an effect on our relationship. I became very insecure and was sure he would leave me and wouldnt put up with this bleeding all the time. With no cure in sight as doctors couldnt tell me what was wrong. I was getting worse as time went on and i had seen doctors at the hospital and various different surgeries and no-one was helping me. They just kept sending me away. They would give me all the usual tests for S.T.D’s and cervical cancer, but nothing was telling me what was wrong.
   It got so bad last year as by then i was bleeding at any time and not just during sex, it was like a constant period! I became very depressed and couldnt fight my feelings. I suffered from 8 deaths in one year, and lost 3 of my cats to the same bit of road outside my house. I lost my job, and that put the final strain on the relationship. We sold the house and ended up in rented accomodation but within 2 months of that i had a nervous breakdown. It was then that my partner said he couldnt take anymore and we split up.
   I went back to my Mums last August, and she nursed my heartache. I just couldnt go on, but she told me to pull myself together and told me i was stronger than that. She advised me to go and see her doctor who was ‘old school’. As soon as i spoke with her doctor he told me exactly what was wrong with me. I had Menorrgha, in short just ‘heavy bleeding’. He put me on the right medication and i was reffered to the hospital for a new procedure called the ‘Novosure’.
   My ex was still in touch with me via text and email and when i told him that there was something wrong and i could get it fixed it just seemed to be a weight of our minds. My ex wasnt around the first time i went into hospital to have this procedure done, and i felt incredibly alone at that time. You can imagine how i felt when i came too after the anesthetic and the surgeon told me that the procedure hadnt worked as they couldnt access my womb as i had too much scar tissue from having had previous Colposcopy treatments. But i was told they would try again using something to relax my womb so they could gain access. A second appointment was made for me to go into hospital.
   This time my ex accompanied me to the hospital. He spoke with the doctor and she gave a full acount of what was wrong and how they could fix it. And it was to my relief that i spoke with other women who had been through the same thing. I finally realised that i had not lost my mind!!
   Since then my ex has since been in my life every day. Last month i went away on holiday with friends for 2 weeks and while i was away i got a 12 page text from my ex saying how much he still loved me and would i take him back. I had waited just over a year to hear they words again. He was waiting for me when i got of the plane…
   I have since taken him back and we talk so freely about everything now, and how we got to the stage that we had to end it. He has told me that he always loved me even when we argued all the time as we didnt know what was happpening to me. We just forgot how to communicate and became so wrapped up in ourselves that we lost touch with each other. We live in separate flats just now but we spend as much time together as we can. I have had my operation and i am now on the mend.
   Things for the future are looking great, and we are now planning a long and happy life together. It is now 4 and half year in and we have never been so in love.
   Life kind of through me a raw deal over the last few year but i have certainly learned that TRUE LOVE conquers all. And for those people that find it hard to cope with whatever is happening in your lives together just remember that what is for you will not go past you!!
   Hope for all
   Kind regards
   Samantha R.

   Reply
6. Linda November 29, 2009 at 11:34 am

   I was in a relationship with a man for two years. Forty five days ago I received a voice mail to my cell phone from a woman he was seeing. She recorded them having sex and sent it to my cell phone. I was so in love with him, he is the first man I allowed to become close to me after 11 years of celibancy. He offered no explaination except for it was not him, and he did not need the bullshit in his life when I comfronted him to talk, and to leave him the fuck alone, so I did. I told him I would never talk to him again. I felt that if I was not worth him communicated with me to help me to heal that he did not deserve me. Two years is not a long time, but long enough to be hurt deeply from someone you trusted. Needless to say I am still in love with him, but refuse to be a fool, I feel that time will heal me. I am believing God to reveal to me whetther this man ever really cared for me the way that I thought he did.
   There is not a day go by I do not desire to hold him in my arms, for us to do what should have taken place after the phone call to comfort one another, just to have compassion for each others feelings. I would have never thought that this made would have been so cold and uncaring. Evendently, this situation does not bother him and the lost of me in his life doesnt either.
   I understand that he told his friend that the woman sent the voice mail because she loved him..
   I don’t understand that kind of love. I wish I knew who she was, mayber I would feel better. Oh, by the way the manner in which she sent voice mail was by spoofing my phone, using a phone number in my cell phone address book, and then had a nerve to 30 days later go back in my phone and erase the message. Since then I have changed my number, and am very selective of who I give it to.
   God bless all of my sisters trying to get past emotional pain.
   Sincerely,
   Still healing…..

   Reply
7. Sharon November 29, 2009 at 5:39 am

   I broke it off with a guy I was in love with, we had a long distance relationship for 3 years and when he called to tell me, he was in love with me and another girl and could not decide between us. At first I thought it was better to share him then lose him completely. But Thank God I met someone during this time who made it clear that he wanted me alone. I got the courage to dump the guy I was so involved with and married the second man. He knew he got me on the rebound and yet it is 40 years later and we are still together. A few times during our marriage I fell out of love with him and thought of leaving, but I stayed together for our two kids. And now they are grown and out on their own. I am so glad I stuck around. Because I love my husband more then ever and am so thankful I found him when I did. I have looked up the first guy and found he has been married twice and has no children . I realize he and I would never of made it and it was fate we ended the way we did. I finally got closure when hearing he didnt marry the other girl as well. He is still out there looking for Mrs. Right.

   Reply
8. Ana D November 5, 2009 at 11:54 pm

   If he hurts or uses you to feed his ego you don’t need him! When was the last time that you did something good for yourself? Go out and celebrate yourself.
   Use your energy on yourself for yourself!

   Reply
9. Dulcy November 5, 2009 at 11:47 pm

   Please don’t let him get to you. If he has to hurt or use you to feed his ego you don’t need him. When was the last time you did something good for yourself?
   Go out and celebrate you girlfriend!!!!!!!

   Reply
10. cheryl forster November 4, 2009 at 1:20 am

    omg ,this has just happened to me well kind of , i bin seeing this guy (he is a friend of 30 years) we had a few dates ,we used to txt each other all the time , he told me by txt he didnt want a relationship and when i asked to meet him and talk he just clamped up n wouldnt reply , we still txt each other as friends , but i sent a txt last night saying he was a coward for not meeting me face to face , i also suspect he is trying to keep me hanging on to feed his ego , this type of thing is soo…. hurtful

    Reply
11. Joyce (ext. 9598) October 20, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Hi Jen and everyone 🙂
    I feel that Karma is not a punishment per se, it is actually only the energy that we send, being sent back to us 🙂 The higher our frequency/energy emitted, the less difficulty from karma, the lower the frequency/energy emitted, the more difficult karmic lessons we experience.
    Ultimatley, we are only really experiencing ourselves reflected back to us. So this guy will most likely experience the same or similar done to him…he may have actually had that happen to him BEFORE he met your friend, Jen.
    From my perspective, what causes our pain, is actually a result of being psychologically attached to an outcome that simply does not occur.
    As sensitive beings, once we feel “love” for someone, we also get feelings of “vulnerability” that go along. So, deeply inside us, we create unconscious agendas around this “love”. Agendas that make us “feel” safe around this love…an example would be, Oh this wonderful amazing love, makes me feel so vulnerable? What if I get abandoned? What if it doesn’t last? What about if he/she cheats?
    But, if I’m his/her girlfriend/boyfriend I wont feel this way! So, we go on to become the girlfriend/boyfriend, but, funny, the vulnerability is still there? This could go on even into marriage, and guess what? The vulnerability is still there. Evidenced by our high divorce statistics.
    Ultimately you discover that there is no “safety” in love. None. It is all simply our ego trying to make us “feel” safe. All we can really do is be who we are in the moment, and feel what we feel, as well as be truthful about our feelings to our partners.
    People grow and change in many different ways, there is no way to make a binding promise of eternal love, without putting our relationships in a type of cage…I think many times we make binding commitments before we really do know a person deeply and other times we simply choose to change directions and our partner does not want to go the same way.
    My guides say that endings should be just as beautiful as beginnings, but we have pain because we’ve become attached to this particular result, (my guides used the line “till death do us part” as an example)that simply did not occur.
    In my first year on the line, after one particularly long day in which every single caller was either cheating on or being cheated on by their spouse, I was exhausted. I layed my head on my pillow and said under my breath…”God, why?”
    In that moment I was not prepared for any repsonse, let alone an audible one, but this is what I got… and in a very stern, almost but not quite angry voice, he said…
    “Love is not monogamous!”
    (It kinda made me shrink back…huh? What does THAT mean? I totally did not understand this response)
    Then, I heard in a COMPLETELY different voice, almost like an angel, very soft, very beautiful and she said…
    “Love is simply not a monogamous energy.
    Love constantly seeks to expand itself.
    Anything that limits love, is not love” 🙂
    If we truely love/loved another, we could never lie to them or break up over a text. But I think you can only get to that place or state of awareness if you will, when you’ve truely fallen in love with yourself first 🙂
    joyce #9598

    Reply
12. Sea Turtle October 19, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Great advice Abigail…oftentimes the person with the “problems” makes is…feel as if there is something wrong with us…
    Happy Days!
    ST

    Reply
13. Abigail Ext 9570 October 19, 2009 at 7:35 am

    Good Morning Jen,
    It’s sad with all the techno junk we have we just get further and further away from our core. Its become a disposable society. Tell your friend when he does in the future try to communicate to her (and he wiil) say she is so thankful to him for opening her eyes to all the wonderful options she has available to her. Then let his mind go for weeks figuring out what the lesson is. He will get it in the kindest way while shifting the mixed up energy he has. This also reminds her she does have other options. I know its hard to see now. Remind her he is the one who is lost, and will all of the sudden wonder why she’s not looking for him.
    Many Blessings
    ~Abigail~

    Reply
14. Jyoti October 18, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    Definitely..there are rules which any decent, understanding, educated man should follow. How can you dump anyone just like that.If you are the one for the breakup, tell the person what makes you think so and why, the person should know what caused you pain so that, he doesn’t commit the same with someone else. You have your self-esteem..respect..as much as the love you had for someone…if he doesnt value you, you should politely tell him to get out of your way as you will tolerate sheer nonsense.

    Reply
15. Psychic Joseph 9153 October 18, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Hi Jen,
    Good subject!
    A lot of women in particular stick with a bad relationship because they are afraid to hurt the man’s feelings or think they can’t get anything better. Stop it! You’ve probably given him too many chances already. Move on! This is what works:
    “You’re a great guy, Bill, but I just don’t feel you’re what I’m looking for in life. I know you will be much happier with someone who is more suited to you. No, sorry, I just don’t have time to be friends or do a lot of explaining or wait and see if you’ll change. Thank you for understanding. I know we’ll both be happier this way. So thank you for the good times. And good luck to you. Bye.”
    Then hang up and do not text or email or return his calls or anything anymore. Soon he’ll get the message and find someone else to pester. If you have to deal with him again, say in a work situation, be cordial but remote. By no means defend yourself or argue with him or try to get even or hope he will suffer, that only keeps you stuck in the same negative loop with him. Indifference works best — and meeting better guys!
    Bottom Line: No one can be successful in love unless they know their own boundaries. Honor yours — to love the next, better guy right!

    Reply
16. Jen October 18, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Thanks Browneyes, we were pretty shocked. Kinda came out of no where. I guess some people just don’t like in person confrontation.

    Reply
17. browneyes October 18, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Well Jen, I dont know how serious the relationship was that your friend was in, but if it was serious at all I am sure your friend is devastated. Breaking up via notes or emails or texts is so without class or respect for the person on the receiving end. It leaves you with so many unanswered questions. Makes it almost impossible to find closure if deep feelings were involved. It happened to me a little over a year ago. My feelings were so strong for this person and I thought his were for me too. I never got to see his face after the breakup and the phone conversations just didnt help with getting closure.
    If only anyone that is unhappy in a relationship and wants out would just muster the courage to talk face to face with the other person. I do realize that it is hurtful even for the one doing the breaking up but if you’re going to be adult enough to engage in relationships, then you should be adult enough to end it properly with honesty and respect.
    But to be “dumped” with just a note just leaves you feeling so thrown away and with the feeling that you never mattered if they could just walk away with no regard to your feelings at all. My heart goes out to your friend.

    Reply
18. Gina Rose ext.9500 October 18, 2009 at 10:07 am

    Hi….
    I read the article and I agree with it 100%.
    Taking the ” high road ” is always the better way for Karmic growth, and healthy emotional and mental growth as well.
    Too many times pride and ego get in the way during a break up…. it is a great opportunity though, to learn and grow from the experience and learn a few Karmic lessons as well.
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply