I believe that if “love makes the world go ’round,” then cheating can bring it to a screeching halt! At California Psychics, sadly, many of our callers seek information as to whether their significant other is cheating on them (and the relationship). They are very aware that if they feel suspicious enough to ask the question, then the answer will in all likelihood be a “yes.” The second question usually follows: “Will he/she be faithful to me after this?
I’m not talking about the “I cheated once and I’ll never do it again” type of thing. I’m referring to the “serial” type of cheating, a way of life for some. From what I have seen, there appear to be a number of reasons why people cheat like this in a relationship, instead of just telling the basic, and much simpler, truth. There are at least four motivations for deception between two individuals. And as long as these motivations exist, change seems improbable.
The first is a relatively simple one. The person feels that the other does not provide “enough” of a quality in their relationship, whether it be sex, understanding, mental stimulation or companionship. There is the feeling that it takes two different people to satisfy what one “needs.” Instead of being straightforward in the primary relationship, or trying to repair what has gone wrong (or has never gone right), they seek an outside interest.
People cheat for a second, more nebulous reason. They cheat because they can. It is a warped sort of power they feel when they cheat and hold not one, but two people ensnared in a relationship on their terms. They reason that they must be a very strong individual to hold this much attention.
Reason three is related to reason number two. Often a person feels such a feeling of insecurity that they feel a driving urge to conquer this emotion with validation from another. Instead of knowing their own worth deep inside, they count on someone else to give them value. Personal validation comes from an outside source.
Lastly, some people become emotional swindlers because they have never learned how to have a trusting, fulfilling relationship with someone else, and have no intention of ever learning. They believe that this type of commitment only appeals to the credulous, and don’t desire to fall into the trap. There are always more people who can be conned.
What draws all of the above factors together is one specific thing. The person is acting in a certain way that he believes best serves his own emotional interests. Living with emotional honesty doesn’t concern him, as long as he gets what he needs. He feels that he must have an emotional reward of this sort to make his life what he thinks it should be.
Do cheaters change? Not very often, I’m afraid to say. They live the way that they feel best serves their needs. Whether it’s because they feel unable to communicate honestly about their needs, the desire for power, personal validation or just ignorance, they wreck informal and more formalized relationships. This is a form of selfishness that will never change, regretfully, until the individual realizes that positive change can only come from within themselves and is not found in another person.
5 thoughts on “Can Cheaters Change?”
I recently found out that the man I have been with for 8 yrs. was cheating on me constantly with various women. One of the women he was seeing regularly for two months several times a week and when he wasnt with her he had to be on the phone with her. He drives truck so it was easy for him. Then after investigating further, I find that this is a pattern for him. He does and says the same things to all the women he has been in a relationship with. Literally this man did not change his MO. For almost 9 months he did not show any remorse for what he had done.. he got caught he did not tell me on his own. He bullied me for 9 plus months after he was caught thinking I would back off if he snarled at me. I didnt. I believe he actually thought “oh well..if she leaves I will just run to the woman I was cheating with.” Well as soon as that option was not there and she threw him completely under the bus, he suddenly started treating me much better. Still today I do not know if he is with me because he has no where else to go or because he really is sorry now. He has been a cheater his entire life as I said. He has said the same lines to each woman..promising a happy life with them. Telling intimate details about me to them..things that should have been sacred and kept to himself. I was warned but did not believe everyone. I defended him for yrs. Then I caught him one night. She made the mistake of calling his cell phone and from there it all unraveled. I learned after that there were others but not from him..but others that saw him with others. He never came clean about anything on his own and never until facts were told he could not deny. I simply do not know what to make of it and without trust it is so hard to believe he is remorseful now since it took him not having another option to smarten up. Any advice? Believe me it gets uglier but that alone should be enough.
I agree. I have seen few serial cheaters stop, so if fidelity is important to you and you find out that your significant other is a serial cheater, it’s best to cut your losses and move on. This can be very difficult to do, especially if the news comes to you after many years together, but there may be little else that can be done.
Likewise, if you are the secret lover of a serial cheater, don’t take his word for it that once he leaves his wife and the two of you are finally together he will start being faithful. Where I come from it is said that if a man marries his mistress, then he’s just created a job opening. (I say “he” but this applies to women as well.) While there are exceptions, this is a pretty good rule. If you have suspicions, your psychic can probably help.
Reed
ext 5105
Thanks so much for your comments, Jacqueline and Gina Rose! It is so important to realize that (99%) of the time, once a cheater, always a cheater. That is just how the person relates to others in relationships. It is what he/she knows. There are so few of the “I got drunk out of my mind and I’ll never do it again” scenarios. And once you hook up with a cheater (liar/deceiver,) the commitment part of the relationship will all be on one side–yours.
God’s blessings on all who go through this heartbreak.
Tansy
Ext. 5289
Hi Tansy,
Very informative article, this is such a distress place that anyone can find themselves into, often not knowing where to turn or knowing if there own intuition is correct.
Unfortunately the endless cheater most likely will never change, as mention in the article, but the question is, is he the endless cheater? If the cheating has only occured once, then most likely through the cheating experience they have truly seen what they have at home, and there greatest fear is they have jepordized the best relationship they ever had, never to cheat again.
Although, if he has continually cheated through-out the relationship, then as they say a cheater, always a cheater.
Blessings and Big Hugs!
Jacqueline x9472
Hi Tansy,
Another thought-provoking article…..
..and I agree with you, chronic cheaters usually don’t change without first having gone thru extensive therapy, or have had a life/death traumatic experience and , thus,feel contrition…..( both instances are rare).
The percentage of chronic cheaters actually changing is rare, I can only think of a few cases.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500