I had a reading recently with a client that was caught in what I like to call a “Circular relationship.” This is a relationship that, if it was a basketball, you’d know what it looks like and you’d know what it’s for…but you keep trying to play hockey with it. The key cards in this spread were the World, the 10 of Swords inverted and the 10 of Batons/Wands inverted.
“We were supposed to be moving in together in a month. He went out of town with his brother and when he came back, he said he didn’t love me and wanted out of this,” Olive began our conversation.
However, when digging deeper we uncover a pattern. He is usually more off than on, he has cheated, he is overly flirtatious with other women … maybe he’s just not ready for this.
“I believe he’s only in this relationship because it’s what you want. If you were done he’d be gone. I know this is going to sound weird, but he does care about you, that’s why he’s hiding things and lying. However, he’s trying to be honest now because he feels horrible and really wants to be set free.”
Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. Sometimes our need to not be seen as bad makes us do things that, when the truth is revealed, may be awful, but the truth must to told or we stay stuck in the circle. Acceptance is another story, so get a reading!
11 thoughts on “Circular Relationships”
Yes, you are so right to give her your insight. We have to love ourselves first, realize what we have in our hearts to offer, and then open up to many of the wonderful possibilities of meeting other people. I suggest dating 5 men at a time, it really works. Try meeting them thru your local dating sites, and narrow down who you will talk to. Carry on conversations and let them know in advance you are just getting back into dating and would like to meet them for 15-30 minutes for coffee/conversation. This 1st meeting puts everyone at ease and gives you insight if you want to continue making dates with him and so on. Please do keep making other coffee dates to keep your mind open to the many different people you are meeting. If no dice in the 1st 5, then do it again. You will find some good friends along the way, and those people also have friends. You will be able to expand your level of connections and before you know it, you will have great insight to who you are and your confidence/self-esteem will take flight. You will be able to recognize the past let-downs and see to avoid any future repetition of the things that do not bring you happiness.
Smile ladies, we will get there, we only get wiser with age and we age gracefully,
All my hopes & dreams to you,
Joni
Ah,,, I sure wonder if we aren’t talking about the same man, or creature of habit. I have had the same kind of man do this to me and oodles of other women for all of his life. I met him 10 years ago, fell very much in love with every part of him, only to be let with my heart on a shelf. He would come in & out of my life throughout the years because he was seeking some sort of balance that my life offered and peace. He would surely quick enough go back to his alone time and leave me. I now know that this alone time was when he was in correspondence with another female that was the next shiny thing that came along. I learned that the away time from him, was his way of saying no more phone calls or house visits, I am not telling you, but I am working on the next girl. This was a startling yet heartbreaking revelation. I could not believe that the man I saw was not the man I knew. Men can hide things well, and when they have been doing it for along time, they develop a routine with it. Some men are just emotionally unavailable even though they seem emotional with you.
I looked back into some of his upbringing and found many issues that he has not resolved. This man is 47, never had children and just flew to Vegas on a whim to marry a girl and divorce her only within the same year. He is a utter disappointment to the word love. He is trying once again to come back into my life now that he is aging, saying he is sorry, without giving a reason to what he is sorry for. It can become such a circle, that all of us ladies have to say goodbye to the Merry-go-round, wish them well, and have peace in your hearts for you know and we know our hearts and the love we have to offer is one of grace and reciprocation.
Give yourself the chance to accept that you stepped into a whirlwind, recognize it for it is, and get out. Please pray for his next victims, for they will suffer heartbreak too.
All love & light,
Joni
Patricia, I am trully sorry for what you are facing, especially during this financial problem we all are enduring…. But reality is always the hardest truth. Once a cheater always a cheater…. Man are animals, as long as you feed them, keep clean, and housing.
But, by now if you still need a time apart, it is best especially, for the baby boy, to go your separate ways, because you both will alway be tied @ the hip, for that baby boy. Patricia, you are a women with alot of responsibility and demands, why should you put with this man even thought he is the father (i am so sorry), but those are the wrong judgements we make, but are part of our lives in this world.
Basically, what I want to tell you is, be stronge, put your foot down, think of the future of that, boy, you don’t want him to came to you later when he is a teenager, and bring out how you constantly agruing, and how unhappy you both are!!!! So for the baby future, enough, is enough, put the rules on the table, and make them perminent….
You , need too know that you call the shots,but, you need your life with your man!!!!!!!
Good Luck, and God Bless you and the beautiful baby boy.
I know for a fact I am in one of these relationships; but I know I am just as guilty of the get close and then pull away just because in the past I have gotten close to a person only to have them pull away or change so much so quickly (even after knowing them for years) that I too don’t want to take the chance of really letting someone close.
I personally want my freedom and yet want someone close to depend on as well (the irony and conflict in that), I need my nights alone and my nights with just the person I love as well as those nights with just friends.)
Sometimes even knowing you need to pull away isn’t as easy to do, but it is worth it (if you can stick through with it).
you may have positive answer,as for me the best of my knowledge,if you really care,i’ll find every posiblility that can cure the problem. not till your other half,girlfriend,does not wanted anymore,time to move on. if they want to come back they’ll be back .there’s nothing you can do ,no matter how you much you care,if they don’t respond to your love share it to someone who cares.
Patricia:
Doesnt sound good, it will be heartache forever.. Try and love yourself first, let go of this man, realize that you are meant for better, dont try and change him, it never works…and move on no matter how hard it is. You will never regret it. One day not so far down the road you will look back and be glad that you did… act as if though you are already there!
Good luck
He does not love you!He will cheat again with his ex if she leaves the door open for him to come in. Or he will cheat you with another women. Wake up Patricia!
Peace!
I just broke up with a man who has habitually fallen into serious relationships and then breoken them off.
He is a person that needs to spend vast amounts of time alone and I don’t think he’s ever taken the time out to explore himself as an individual. He had a habit of getting really intensely close to me and then pulling away. I was constantly waiting for him to finish his “alone” time so we could get back to being a couple. Finally we had to face the truth that he needs to focus on himself and healing whatever it is in him that makes him do this. And I need someone who can commit to a full time relationship.
It’s breaking my heart because I love him deeply and could see so much potential in our partnership. He said he loved me, too, and I feel completely sure he did. But you can’t deny it when it’s just not working. I’m moving forward to healing and finding a way to work through my choice of committing to a man who was, essentially, emotionally unavailable.
It’s hard for everyone, but you need to get to a place of loving yourself and having a happy life.
hey
you know what your to good for them get out of that situation things are not going to get better… you cant carry on like a yo-yo.. then they want you then they dont… its not worth it.. they cant make their mind up.. now you got to think of you and your child.. you have got te be strong.. what kind of a man cheats on the women he loves.. ??? and who gets hurt at the end of it all??? you!!!!! its time to look forward and work on your future!
So much time and energy spent on relationships that fail. Men give signals from the beginning. We women don’t want to see them. As we mature and armed with knowledge, we can avoid falling again into that waste of resources, most importantly our hopes and dreams. Also, I am a firm believer that men are not monagamistic in nature. They, through genetic, or primal influence, really don’t want to be limited to one woman. There certainly are those men who do commit. I’ve seen it. But they are a rare exception. I think one way to approach a new relationship is to think about how this relationship might end right from the beginning.
In the beginning, everyone is on the best behaviour. Only time reveals the true picture. So before you go deeper down that path, look to see what might be at the end of the path. This business of a man telling a woman he “loves ” her, well, that is all well and good, but are just words.
Truthfully, what he says should have no bearing on what a woman should do when the scenario she finds herself in is causing her such great pain.
Love is not about pain, untruths, and uncertainty. Having a child with a man may be complicated, but I have strong feelings about women who have children with a man they hardly know.
Of course he tells her he ‘loves’ her, and he tells that to the ex, and possibly another woman as well. Again, his words do not mean anything if not backed by the same action.
Sometimes, we just have to accept the situation as it is, and be strong and set our boundaries. It will be uncomfortable doing these things, but in the end, it will become quite clear that we had to do those things in order to make things right. Don’t fall for empty lines, and keep an eye out for down the road. That sweet loving man, can turn quite different as time progresses.
Peace Be!
I would love to know if I am in a circular relationship. I have been married for 14 years then my exhusband and I got together and he cheated on me with his ex and kept seen her…I realize this and talk to him. He stop seen her(at least is what he told me) but also he told me to take time apart..we have a beautiful boy of 3 years and I am in love of my ex…I feel that I have to stop this crazy situation but also I know he loves me…can some one help me with this…please