Cohabitation Considerations

You’ve fallen in love. You met each other’s families and friends and now, since you’re both nearly together every night anyway, the next logical step – it seems – is sharing one address.

Just before you sign that lease, here are three things you have to decide before you move in together.

Time.
You probably know each other’s schedules pretty well and most couples get into a routine of what nights they can see each other. When couples move in together the balance of “me” time vs. “we” time becomes a real challenge. You must leave the love nest often and go out to eat, visit a museum or anything that you enjoy as a couple. At the same time, you must continue to make time for friends — and for yourself! This can sound like a real crunch, and it will be for a time, but with patience and communication, balance can be found.

Implications.
What does this move mean for your relationship? Are you thinking about marriage? Are you both on the same page or even in the same book? Women have a tendency to “stick it out” if they think the relationship will lead to marriage or children. This approach puts so much focus on the future, you can overlook glaring problems in the present. Men, however, have a more immediate approach – is it working or not? Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? A heart to heart about what this move means for each of you in the relationship will head off misunderstandings in the future. Approach it with love and tolerance for each other – you are in this because you do love each other and therefore want the best for each other. Being clear in your intentions is what is best for both parties.

Money. Money. Money.
Money is the number one thing that couples, married or not, argue about – who makes it, how to spend it, and how to save it. Your romantic life will pay the price if either one of you is vague about your expectations. Who makes more or who has more debt is important, but how much each party is committed to paying each month is what you should focus on. You must pick a place that you can afford – together- comfortably. Groceries? Cable? The newspaper? The more that is decided prior to the first bill arriving, the better.

No matter how much planning and talking you do, moving in is a leap of faith. Just sharing intimate space can bring out a lot of things that would otherwise have stayed hidden. Remember when you are fighting over how to replace the toilet paper, it’s love that started the whole thing. You took this leap together and love will see you through.