Dating Success

Like so many things in life, love is often a game of odds. The deciding factor in the case of romance, however (believe it or not), is not how pretty you are, how well you dress or how much money you make. It’s the degree to which you put yourself out there.

In other words, all things being otherwise equal, a single person who sits at home is going to have far fewer chances of finding love than one who attempts to go out and meet as many people (and thereby potential partners) as possible. So what’s the best thing you can do to ensure your success at the dating game (wherein the ultimate win is a partner for life)? You can go out there and date, silly!

Numbers game
All too often, we sit around lamenting our luck in love. “It’s never worked out before, so why would it ever work out in the end?” we fear when fixed in a state of paramour pessimism. Among other falsehoods, we tell ourselves all the good ones are taken (they’re not), that we only attract jerks (we don’t), or that there’s no reason why we shouldn’t have already met the one, when the truth is we haven’t left the house in six consecutive weekends – and weeknights are reserved for working ’til nine followed by one hour in front of the TV before falling off to sleep with Teddy (the Bear, not the guy).

So before you go cursing your odds, or even worse, love itself, take a moment and consider what you could be doing to put yourself out there. Here are three simple, practical tips for increasing your odds of finding love:

Smile more
Okay, maybe this sounds silly to you, but the simple truth is that happier people are more appealing partners – men in particular will tell you as much. If you smile more often and make a conscious effort to acknowledge the people you encounter (this doesn’t mean you have to strike up a conversation with every guy you see, simply nod and smile), your energy improves. More people notice you. They assume that you’re nice – and worth getting to know.

Does this mean you should fake it when you’re feeling evil and unable of seeing anything bright in the world? Of course not. But if that’s how you’re feeling (more than just occasionally anyway), you’ve got bigger fish to fry than trying to meet a guy! You need to find a way to be happy with you before you do anything else!

But if you feel generally okay and you do like who you are, what’s to prevent you from showing it to the outside world? Don’t be shy!

Smile more and you may find that before you know it, that cute guy you see in the elevator each morning has asked if you want to grab lunch. Or the co-worker you didn’t have much of a relationship with before is offering to fix you up with her brother. It sounds simple, and perhaps a bit pie in the sky, but it works.

Do something
Join a club, take a class, find a new local place you and your friends like to go. Whatever you choose, do it – and often enough that you make yourself comfortable there. That way, you’re in your best-possible, most-authentic space, not in your “I’m looking to meet someone” space, and your energy will draw people to you. Classes and clubs have the obvious bonus of introducing you to people with common interests you might not otherwise meet. While you may not find your mate directly, you will broaden your circle of friends (and thereby, your chances of meeting someone who is a match). But why the local hangout? It’s simple.

Very often when we go out on the town, we’re impaired by our desire to meet someone. This means we miss out on being in the moment and having fun with our friends in favor of scanning the room and hoping some potential lover will pay attention to us. One of the biggest lessons we need to learn is that they don’t “choose” you – you choose each other. So, if you can get familiar with a place, know the staff (not personally, but enough so that they recognize you enough to give you a good table, etc.), you’re going to be relaxed there and have a better time. You’re going to be less concerned with seeming desirable and “being chosen” than you are with having fun. That’s when you meet new people! It goes back to the smile more idea, right?

Invest
There’s a universal truth about energy: where you put it, it continues to grow. So, if you’re one of those people claiming they want to meet someone, but not dating at all, consider what you really want. If you want to stay in your current state (after all, change is never easy), then keep going as you are. However, if you really do want to meet someone, put some effort in. Get on the Internet and sign up for an online dating site. Peruse the profiles and send out some emails. This is a good way to do a little harmless flirting. Why? Because the Internet is one area where even shy people can feel safe indicating interest in men. I mean, what’s the worst than can happen? They don’t write back. So what? Next!

You may or may not meet the lover of your dreams after you sign up online. Know that going in. But by simply putting in the effort and energy, you’re telling the universe you’re open, willing and trying to meet someone who is right for you. The universe helps those who help themselves.

With all of these activities, the key is simply to meet more people. Don’t look at dates that don’t go anywhere as failures, take them as learning experiences. The more people you meet, the more interesting you’ll become – that’s one of the many perks of experience! Good luck.