Don’t Self-Sabotage Love

Have you ever secretly wondered if the reason your relationships don’t last, might just really have something to do with you? Is it possible that you may be unknowingly self-sabotaging your chances for commitment and intimacy? Okay, so you may be thinking to yourself, “Well that’s a bit harsh!”

But perhaps doing a quick self-check is just what you need to increase your chances for a healthy relationship. After all, the good news is that awareness is the first step to change. So start your check-up now!

Your suit of armour
Do you make your dates work too hard to get to know you? Do you play hard-to-get games? With each disappointment, we can add a little more to our shell, making it harder for someone to get close to us. But, hey, that’s life! Pain is part and parcel of learning about life and love. If you try and avoid the pain that realistically can come with looking for love (by closing yourself off or hurting the object of your potential affections) before the relationship even gets started, then you may also be avoiding possible joy.

Scarlet letters
Do you find yourself attracting the wrong person repeatedly? Do you ignore the “wrong person” red flags early on because you’re too blinded by hope and lust or plain old-fashioned neediness? If someone is not available – whether it means physically or emotionally – they’re not going to change for you!

If someone tells you, you’re “not my type” or they don’t want “to settle down” or they’ll “never be faithful”… do you ignore their honesty, or avoid a conversation and decide to yourself  “Yeah, that’s what they think!” Then when they remind you that they told you this before you so gallantly gave your heart away, you’re devastated and confused. but it’s not their fault – it’s your very own denial!

Next time you start to get involved, listen and take note of the person’s actions. Don’t try to conquer love… let love happen where it is willing to happen and when it makes sense! Then you can take all that energy you would expend into trying to fix someone and put it into getting to know someone, instead. That’s a lot more fun and fulfilling!

Movie stars aren’t perfect
Once you’re in a relationship, do you look for flaws in your partner or attempt to justify why, this too, will be a failed relationship? Do you wonder, “Do they have a soul?” because of the way they mangle the toothpaste tube, the funny way their hair parts over their ears, or because they don’t love to golf? You need to stop and get real with your bad self. Remember, you’re not perfect either.

To stop self-sabotaging potential for finding love we need to be blatantly honest with ourselves about whether we subconsciously believe that just anyone will do, or that no one will ever do. Part of finding a relationship is accepting other’s for who they are, realizing that imperfections can be beautiful, and learning to relish another’s idiosyncrasies. No union is ever going to be fairy tale perfect. The point is to find a person you can honestly love, who honestly loves, respects and adores you… and together you have the great potential to live life passionately – warts and all.