What do I need to do to keep my partner from coming home late?
Signed,
Sick of Waiting
Dear Sick,
You can’t. Sadly, you can’t get anyone to do anything. All you can do is tell him how it makes you feel, and what would make you happy. Find out what he’s getting from staying out late – are all his friends single and he still needs his time with them? Does he work late and need to blow off steam afterward? Does he feel like you don’t trust him and that offends him? Does he just want to feel free? Is he a vampire? (Okay, bad joke…) What is it? Try to understand what staying out late is doing for him that he can’t get otherwise, and if perhaps you can strike a compromise. Also try to discover what would make him more excited to come home early – his favorite foods, more attention from you, more fun shared activities (wink, wink), or having his friends over to your place. If you approach this as something you genuinely want to figure out so you can both be happy and not as something you’re angry and upset about, he’ll be more willing to solve things. If you find that you can’t compromise, then it’s one of his non-negotiable terms for being in a relationship and you either have to just accept it or let him stay out as late as he wants only to come home to an empty place. I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Good luck,
Carol
I just recently started dating someone new. He constantly talks about his ex-girlfriend that he was in a relationship with for four years and broke up with about a year ago. He refuses to go on with his life because he keeps thinking she’ll return. I’d like to know how I can help him to forget her because he is a nice person. He constantly threatens me that when his ex returns it’s over between us. I’m so lost and confused because I don’t know what to do for him. Can you help?
Signed,
Holding Her Place
Dear Holding,
Honey, here’s what I want you to do for you – go find someone available. Last time I checked there were over three billion men on the planet (how many times do I have to say this?). You’re working way too hard. He’s not a nice person – you are! But you’re way too nice! He’s a bitter, threatening, cruel, whiny victim of love, and she’s lucky she got away. He needs time to grow up and move on, and you’re not helping him by being his doormat. The best thing you could do for him is show him the door, and inspire him that love is possible by finding it elsewhere and having yourself a fabulous life. You’re too good-hearted to not be worshipped. Leave him to his pity party. He’s made his own bed – quit laying in it.
Get going!
Carol
