Fifty Shades of Grey: The Story Between the Lines

Fifty Shades of Grey is a a huge deal these days. It is full of sex driven pages but are we not seeing the story between the lines?

Lessons in Love In and Out of the Bedroom

I must preempt this blog by saying that I am only on the first of the three-book series, Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Although I am not certain if the author intended it, there are several things about this story that can be used as metaphors to describe situations in everyday relationships. Aside from the obvious sexual lessons, that are vividly detailed in the book, there are lessons to be learned between the lines.

For example, the “contract” in the book is an actual written document, but to me, it is representative of the unwritten contract that many relationships begin with. Many times, I hear men/women say that the person of interest in their lives said, up front, that they were not ready for a serious commitment. Many verbally detail what they do or do not want in a relationship, while some only make it clear through their actions. That is basically an unwritten contact! Unfortunately, people sign this unwritten contract without reading it by means of not listening or by believing that the terms won’t apply to them. Are you in a sexual relationship and need some advice; contact a psychic today!

In reality, they should do what Anastasia Steele did when Christian Grey presented her with the contract, which is to counter the offer with their expectations. Make amendments to the contract. I call this setting boundaries. Express verbally what is OK or not OK. Don’t ignore the contract and assume the terms will magically change. The worst thing that could happen would be the originator of the contract chooses to not enter into a relationship with them, which will free the other party to explore others to enter into a contract with. The best thing that could happen is that they might be willing to negotiate. It’s really a win-win situation.

The other thing that jumped out at me was the dominant/submissive roles. Trust and respect are the recurring theme surrounding these roles as they are laid out in the book. I believe that these roles play out in almost all relationships. Most people will agree that they know which role they play. Although roles can reverse during tumultuous or trying times, there is usually a clear picture of who is the dominant in a relationship. Sometimes the role is shared to accommodate certain scenarios. If one person is stronger in certain areas of life, they play the dominant role for that scene while the submissive plays the supporting act and vice versa. Playing the role of the submissive is not necessarily a bad thing. It takes a lot of trust to passively let someone take control of things, and trust is the most important building block of a relationship.

So to sum it up, as long as you are OK with your role in the relationship, and it doesn’t do harm to your psyche, it is okay to assume the role you are most comfortable playing. As a matter of fact, you were probably, quite literally, born to play your role. We all choose our roles in life. We may choose to be the submissive to our dominant in this life because the roles were reversed in our past life. Or we may choose to come into this life as a submissive in order to grow and learn to become a dominant. I’m sure you have all heard the sayings about only having one captain on the ship or not having too many cooks in the kitchen. Well, not everyone can be a dominant because nothing would ever be accomplished. Everyone should get to play both roles in their lifetimes of relationships, because it’s a great thing to experience that kind of trust.

And lastly, I think we could all learn from the “safe word” described in the book. The safe word is used to let the dominant know that the submissive is near or has reached their physical limits. I think all relationships should implement the safe word pact. When a couple is in the middle of an argument or scenario that is getting out of hand, they can use the safe word to indicate that they are nearing their emotional pain threshold. Words are powerful weapons that can be used to build a person up or tear a person down. If the safe word is uttered, the other person would understand that they are hurting the one they love and hopefully they will stop, rethink the situation and try a different tactic to make their point or satisfy their needs.