He’s a 30-something guy, but he’s still living at home with his parents. There are a number of possibilities for this, but is a deal breaker for you?
His Mom Still Does His Laundry
He pulls up to a three-story Victorian home in his Porsche. You compliment him on his taste, and he shrugs as he puts the keys into his pocket. He must be an amazingly successful and responsible 30-something bachelor. You walk by the gardener, who is busy pruning the trees, and smile gleefully thinking about the relationship score you have just made. She smiles back, looks in the direction of your date, and comments, “Your father says that you are grounded from the car.” He turns around and groans, “But Mom!”
“In dating, just be open. Don’t set a relationship up for failure at the very beginning based on the past.” – Psychic Lacy ext. 5494
According to a recent Match.com survey, 71 percent of women would date a guy without a job, and a portion of those are probably watching Family Feud re-runs with his mom and pop right now. In 2009, nearly 15 percent of 30-something’s were still living at home. Researchers speculate the poor economy could have something to do with it. However, there are a number of other possibilities, such as because he wants to, Adam Sandler says it’s okay, his parents refuse to run away, and his six-year college plan left him with a brain predominantly made of white matter. Let’s look at these in detail.
He Wants To
Unlike 50 years ago, a man’s potential to achieve more than his old man is not as likely. Many men feel that they are never going to have it better than they do at home. If you’d ask these guys about their situation, they may tell you that they befell on hard times. However, in reality, they are saving a fortune, building a nest egg, and using mom’s disapproval as an excuse for why he’s unable to commit and fall in love (because no woman is ever good enough).
Adam Sandler Says it’s Okay
Some researchers speculate that the problem with these men is due to all the Adam Sandler type movies, which typically depict aging sons lounging around in their parent’s basement playing video games, getting laid and delaying the need to grow up. Television and movies have idealized the lifestyle of the lazy man, and some guys strive to be this cool.
Parents Who Refuse to Run Away
Once a guy gets rooted, it takes just about every effort a parent has to give him the motivation to move back out. This is especially true if his room is next to the theater room, and he has a swimming pool in the backyard. Where is the incentive to rent a tiny one-bedroom apartment, other than freedom, which is obviously something he doesn’t want? I personally know of one 30-something guy whose parents literally ran away from their own home, leaving him inside to fend for himself, and hopefully grow up.
Brain Predominantly of White Matter
When the brain is young, it’s predominantly made of gray matter. This allows a guy to be easily influenced by new experiences. Gray matter is responsible for a young man’s desire to seek adventure and want to embark beyond his parents’ control. Over time, the brain learns and adapts from its experiences, and the gray matter becomes white, which is much more set in its ways. What this means is that when a guy stays home to attend college and/or “find himself,” he is settling his brain into the idea of being content with hanging around mom and dad.
The Stay at Home Kid May Have the Upper Hand
If we consider a number of random studies, it can be concluded that the lazy man has an upper hand with women. Studies show that the more a woman thinks about a particular guy, the more likely she is to feel a connection to him. If a guy can present enough grief and mystery to boggle her mind, he might end up becoming her steady before she can pull a red flag. In addition, women are not only attracted to men who are successful, but also men who are relaxed. Stress hormones in the blood are a big turn off, according to studies, and a guy whose biggest problem is deciding on whether to play video games or take a three-hour nap, is probably not going to be too distressed.
“Think of dating like a major job interview and you are the employer. You want to make sure you are hiring the right person to take good care of your heart.” – Psychic Deejay ext. 5435
The 1950s dating handbook claimed that all grown men must have at least three things to successfully date women, including a job, car, and his own place. The 2012 handbook mentions something about a cell phone and a clean pair of underwear, but everything else is negotiable. What would you do if your guy was still living with mom?
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32 thoughts on “He’s Still Living With Mom”
I dated a guy that lied about where he lived, found out through his friend he lived at home and when I confronted him about it he was upset??? He always treated me like I was never good enough. He would get upset if I dated other guys when he clearly didn’t want a commitment. He would have tri tip at home and expect me to sit at home alone and starve.
then again- my first hubby lived with his mum- in fact we did for the first year of our marriage- saving for our own place, we got one- but he was back at his mum’s lunchtimes, as her place was closer to his workplace, and eight months later- so was he- but he preferred his mum’s way of living to mine- but gave me the flat and all the contents as he said he didn’t want nor need them, and we, and his family remain friends- even meeting my present husband- who- due to economic circumstances- lived with his- as we still do 24 years later-( Thanks to an ex between the two)as buying or renting in our area would take his wages completely leaving us with nothing- and we’re putting our son through Uni, hopefully moving out when he finishes- or if we are lucky- the cost of living drops
First husband took up a flat when he asked me to move in. Then his sister arrived to rule the roost and she got away with murder because he was unable to choose between ‘blood’ and his affection for me. Marriage ended after 8 years when I found he had a mistress. Second husband after a 7 year growing up time-out period I accorded myself was a seemingly quiet loving boy man. He is now a manipulating, paranoid jerk who is obviously a sick man and needs treatment. One of the reasons is that his Mum did not preventing him from smoking pot when he was an adolescent. And I think there is a degenerance which is inevitable. I am so truly sorry that we can not just decide that wanting to be happy with just anyone is enough to make it happen. All I can say is ‘decide what makes you happy and believe in yourself’. Leaen to let go. It is harder to do than you think it is. We are made of body, mind and spirit and this makes up one thing, the Soul. Believing in our Soul and asking for guidance helps to look around the man in front of us when it is obvious something is just not right. We cannot always just stick things out. We have to move, and grow ourselves. I am very aware of one thing – kids look to us for example. And as much as it hurts, sometimes i rise to the occasion and show that example. And on other times, I listen to my heart. The trick is to know how to choose – which time for example for the kids, which time for the heart. So I keep busy. My present project is the setting up of my own company to work under my own steam. Love you all out there women…. Keep your chins up ! We learn to think for ourselves and by ourselves. Love and Peace for ourselves too. And make sure you’ve got a couple of good girlfriends, while you are about it. It helps.
this is quite an interesting article and I would like to find out more about the science behind it and what the family situation is mother/father , single mom. I think a lot of it is has to do with the parenting of children today and how there coddled more today and never having to face alot of true life problems are I’m sure the numbers are much lower then this small select grouping has talked about. I think the question that needs to be answered is what attracts women to these men in the first place, that is where the true answer lies.
My boyfriend still lives on his parents property. They have a giant property and he has his own loft area, bathroom and with a small kitchen and everything. The only reason he is still living at “home” is because his father is disabled and needs constant assistance. I stay over there all the time and it really isn’t that big of a deal. He does a lot to keep that house neat and orderly. In my case it is probably different than what most “stay-at-home- sons” do.
I just found out he lives w/ Mom TODAY. Then I saw this article. I thought I’d HOLLA. I was so tickled. He is self employed & got rained out, so I guess I was suppose to invite him over for 1st time “adventure” but I work evenings & was sleepy. When I asked his living situation, the bomb dropped & he sounded a tad bit aggrevated. He’s cool but its time out for Men who live with Women, “MOM”. Funny as it is, I’m not quite sure if I should lead him on becuz I am wanting a husband not a dependant. I’ve got 3 sons that are still @ home. Heck, I thot I finally get a man & kick them out. Lololol!
Darn, Mamaboyz. Go figure that is a password I use sometimes.
omg! it is so funny that i run into this because i had the same problem with my childrens father. when i say he is a mommas boy i means it. if you cant think for yourself and always have to have mom think for you then you are a child in a grown mans body. if your moma is still giving you an allowance then you a child in a mans body. if your priority is to wake up in the morning doing chores before you go down the street to your friends house to smoke weed and look at silly shit on youtube everyday instead of job hunting and resolving legal and traffic matters to obtain your license then you are a f#$%king momas boy…GROW THE F@#k UP MOMAS BOY! got four kids from different women and don t take care of them cause them kids should be your priority everyday and should make you want to do this. and shame on you, im talking about his mother cause she handicaps him. GROW UP! GROW UP !GROW UP! FOR HEAVENS SAKE…..
There can also be major addiction problems and codependency issues with the parents. Maybe a HUGE lack of direction from the parents in the first place for their son to get a job, go to college and/or develop lasting friendships/relationships which has left him socially retarded? I have seen some under educated parents who do not want to see their offspring succeed past thier own accomplishments, sabotaging their children along the way. I have seen one parent sabotage the good intention and family rules of the other parent. Also this could be the result of a domineering mother that imagines that no woman is good enough for her leach? Or a father that calls him “Stupid,” and “Lazy” and “Retard,” even though the parents never enforced any chores for their little pig? Maybe he just wants to stay home all the time, eat Poptarts, and watch Scooby-Doo all on his own? Not! It starts with the parents or parent.
To be honest I really don’t think it matters if a guy choose to live with their parents why would it be any different if a woman live with her parents . Any type or form of a relationship should not be based on he or she living with their parents so what . If I want to live with my parents til they die I’m going to live with them till they die . . . But the whole point is don’t make anybody feel less then what they feel already because nobody is perfect and you are not any better yourself
GREAT! ARTICLE!
OY VEY IS ALL I CAN SAY GIRLS…..lol….how i can relate….seems to be the new world today….very very sad….ugh….so much for being single today…seems we girls have become the new MAN in this world……due to the economy, yes grown sons are back with mommy and daddy….lets hope that’s what we are blaming it on…..THE ECONOMY…..the real men are all in the service fighting for our country, I have come to that conclusion…..whats a girl to do…..
I think it is not just about living with parents. I think that some men just don’t want the hard work and emotional and financial investment a marriage or a committed relationship require, so choose the easy way of visiting a woman on his own terms, sometimes without even letting her know where he lives, so that he can escape whenever he pleases, without a trace… And as the article rightly says, men who make us think of them, even through them causing us grief, make us feel attached to them. Well, I guess to certain types of women, not all of course. I have had a relationship like this for the past 9 years. Parts of it were exciting, but most parts very hard to bear. I have finally got over it though, and feeling so much better for it. I think that working on my self-esteem and focusing on my life rather than relationships with other people has helped enormously. I feel much stronger, and he does not have a grip on my emotions anymore. I got my power back of choosing how I feel, and nobody can take it away from me now! Reclaim yours, whether you are a woman or a man. Nobody should have an upper hand in relationships – equality is the key to a happy one.
I have dated two guys who lived with parents.
One was a fiasco. The other not.
In fact, I am living with a guy and his mom right now. We make a great team. We work as a cohesive family unit, all contributing to the household. My kids are happy, safe and secure. I think we need to remember that in other societies families live together. It can take work, but it CAN work.
The other guy btw, he was completely whooped by his mom and has never done anything on his own.
If anyone take care of their mother is not a bad thing….It is the circumstance in which one is living with Mom one should see…This stupid western culture is not always right thing…If I have enough space and resources, and if anyone take care of their mom shows good about them…but people in West are so self centered take care of their mom is a trouble which is norm…
in some cultures living with family is very acceptable. i was blessed to live with my husband and his family for two years in the family home. it was one of the best times of my life. we never went without anything, food, a ride to work, use of the cars, laundry room was great and the pool table in the middle of the house was very welcome along with our friends.
i never felt more accepted and loved. hawaii islands and samoa rocks. its a family affair.
-quinn
All libra’s guys that I know are devil’s decendants……..stay away from them in general
yep ladies, this one is 51..had a good reason, now kisses mommy on the lips, when going to work and coming home-instead of me–well that is when I was there. She loves it-makes me out to be an ass, and cant even talk to me around her-she gets to upset, and cant think to turn the cam on to see me, dont have a pet name for me, but can say I love you~well we all see who really is the ass….
Yeah well, Im not as stupid as they think, actually I prefer now Medt. men, they know what is right and how to take care of busines–the right way!!!
Hope all you mamas-boys girlfriends do what I did-learn life is to short for B.S. like this!!
well i am recently staying with my sister whos husband just got deployed to afganastan, she is 4 months pregnant. i havent ben here long im from wv new here dont know anyone just got a job dont have a car yet so if ant single interested girls out there hit me up im lonely except for my family lol and u know how that is….
i have lived with my bf for 25 yrs now..(our own house)…but you wouldnt know it the way he he is constantly at his mom’s…on the phone with his mom……at mom’s beck n call everyday.
i could understand if the woman was bad off sick….or living alone……but her sister is living with her.
he never wants to go anywhere……or do anything together…….coz hes afraid to leave town in fear mommy may need him….
CUT THE CORD ALREADY……GEEEEZ!
i agree with the first comment not all men that are 30 something bachelors that are still living with parants are lazy
I agree with most of what’s been said. However, let’s not forget that the economy has been tough. And most importantly, cultural background may be in play here. In my family the females stayed in the parents’ house until they were ready to marry. The males stayed, working outside of the home, and contributing toward the expenses of the family – payback for college or other financial help as they were growing. Saving for a marriage and family also was a component. So, if the guy is still living at home, be sure that it is a healthy relationship and accept it for what it is.
Men don’t live with their parents, they visit most weekends.
Guys live with their parents, they borrow money to go out on weekends.
Vast difference between men and guys.
George Clooney MAN squared away, lives life everyday.
Adam Sadler GUY code word for jerk, dodges life everyday.
EXCELLENT article. I am in the dating field and I typically find this type of man. I ditch him quickly though. Another reason this type of man is so appealing to women is that we live in a materialistic driven society. He is building a nest egg at mom and dad’s expense and being a playboy. Materialistic women love the fun and free handbags, shoes, & expensive dinners out. I would rather be with a secure man on social security than a playboy that will ditch ME as soon as the money runs out…or mom and dad cut him off!
never say such a truth because I experience in the past such a situation and never again
I would not date a man who is still living at home. Nope. No way. Time to grow up.
We wouldn’t be together. Must have a car,job and living alone/with a roommate if cutting costs is what you’re trying todo.
Consider the possibility that some men who “still live with their parents” have a positive and very healthy relationship with them. A man that “lives at home” may be one that is saving for a down payment for a future home for his own family, or consider the fact that he actually enjoys being around his own parents. The article suggests that men “still living at home” are either lazy, hopelessly noncommittal, or spoiled, which is unfortunate.
LOL LOL……I laughed so hard while reading this I almost fell off my chair……but it’s ALL TRUE !!!!!
Ladies…..ask yourself this question, before you jump too deep into a relationship with the type of guy in this article : Do you want to be a Mommy, a Banker, or a Life Counselor to a grown man ?????
Or do you want a real LIFE MATE PARTNER ?????
Great article…..funny too.
Been there done that… I would run away as fast as I could!
I married him- twenty three years later we’re still here- so is she even though we don’t agree occasionally we still have a roof over our head- which would be well nigh impossible with his wages and the cost of living where we are
Dump him he is a mommas boy. Yu will never please him unless you want to be his personal slave, chill his milk glass, do his laundry, cook his meals. My advice: Let momma keep him. I want a real man not a full grown size baby.
I have dated a man for 4 years who is too scared to tell me he wants his “mommy” and pretends he wants to build a new nest and as soon as I leave the room or walk away, he calls his mom and tells her how he wants his “mommy” to live with him wherever he goes; he is a 33 years old man who calls his parents when he has a flat tire and keeps the “mommy” on the phone for one hour and it only gets worst. So our last break up which was 2 months ago, his parents had lot of opinions about me and asked him to leave me, and he did 🙂 So, with or without living with the mom, guys seem more immature than ever before !! Phewww