In recent years there seems to have been a shift in sexual conservatism … are the casual days of sex over?
A new memoir called, I Don’t Care About Your Band, follows a young woman through an array of one night stands and self-loathing. She relates how bad random hookups make her feel. Articles on Slate and Alternet further call attention to the idea that casual sex may not live up to the hype of the former free love movement.
Readers and Psychics, what are your thoughts on casual sex? Self empowering … or self loathing?
4 thoughts on “How Casual is Too Casual?”
I have been in what we started as ‘casual sex’ but unfortunately I started to have feeling for this guy. In the beginning, neither of us were married but he was dating another girl at the time and I another guy. He wanted out of the relationship and few times which torn my heart apart and I cried so much but I kept going back to him. We stopped seeing each other for about 4-6 years (he said he had to stop me from getting too involved) and each of us married the person we were seeing. We ran into each other again and started the ‘casual sex’ again. I told him I was not happy in my marriage now and he told me, she asked him to get married a million times so he finally said yes. She works for a very important person and makes lots of money. He was married to another person before and he never cheated on her, he could her cheating on him. This new person he always cheated on right from the beginning. He hurt me but calling it off again and on again but I always went back to him (even though I knew crying and heart break was in the future)! This time I decided to back of and just have ‘casual sex’ but I still care about him and he knows it. He keeps telling me “We know this has to end evenutally but we still see each other at least once a week.” The last time I would not have sex with him and when he left I cried and cried. I keep asking myself, “How do I get out of this because it is slowing killing me and I know one day he will be gone again?” When he has left on other times I cry so much I get sick and have ended up in hospital. He says he does not want to hurt me and he cares about me but can’t commit. I think he loves the ‘sex’ and is lying but I just can’t seem to break clear of him. I have never stopped caring (don’t want to say love anymore) about him. I have tired but feel so broken heart and cry so much, I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown and don’t want to live without him, when I can’t see him! We have been seeing each other for about 20 – 25 years now. If you have been in my place, you know what I mean, other will call me an idiot for doing this so long but they don’t understand. Someone who has not been in this type of situation, DON’T know what I am talking about so DON’T judge me!!
In my opinion and of course personal view this is something that does not resonate with me as a person and I know I’m not alone on this one. No I’m not a prude. I’m a very sensual spiritual being. I however choose who is in my bed, or space with some common sense, gut reactions and some known’s. Remember every one you have sex with you are having sex with everyone they have ever had sex with and every one of those they had sex with….its pretty scary to think about! Here’s a motto that is so true ” Sex without meaning is like a dish without seasoning it will satisfy the hunger or urge in the moment but it has no taste or satiety to it” As a spiritual person we are all energy and I only seek the highest vibrations and energy in my space. I had a client who by the way is male was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years before they decided to spice things up and become swingers ….Well here’s the rest of the story ..She became a Meth addict, he has a drinking problem, they fought after every party they attended. He caught her cheating on him while he was at work. When I asked him why he was so devastated by that as he had obviously agreed that they can be sexual with strangers he said “she did not play by the rules”!!! He was at work and he was not having sex with anyone else while she was. Now here’s how the story ended. They broke up he has been in therapy for over 4 years and still thinks swinging did not effect his relationship …WOW For those who fear deep intimacy, relationships I guess casual sex is their only option if they want someone else to participate. For me personally I stick with my own company where I’m safe until I have that tasty dish that satisfies body, mind & spirit which has nothing to do with casual. We all have choices and free in our lives make to best that you can of it and choose wisely for yourselves.
P.S. Here’s something deep to think about Ted Bundy one of the worst serial killers in history.
Handsome,charismatic, sexy used this to attract his prey ….he had women after conviction writing to him in prison professing their love for him !!!!! Because he was a good person LOL …
No because he looked good there for he must be safe …beware things are not always as they appear.
Many Blessings
~Abigail~
Casual Sex: Self Empowering or Self Loathing?
Now…this is a mixed bag. It really depends on one’s character. I am not really referring to the moral fiber aspect, but moreover the internal ability to have self-respect and self-confidence despite outside factors not contemplated. Some folks may come away from a intimate encounter having enjoyed it for purely what it was; not for what it could potentially lead to. This sort of soul can delight in meeting her or his own carnal needs and will not allow this experience to cheapen the love quotient when it finally shows up.
Have fun, but choose wisely. Even if you desire something casual, pay attention to what you have heard and witnessed about and around your conquest. If you desire something simple, easy with no long term expectations…try and make sure that’s what you’re signing on for. Find out what you can about their track record and reputation with past lovers in an attempt to insure no to low drama. Also protect yourself by not divulging much of a personal nature. It is wise to protect one’s self sexually as well, and limit your repertoire to certain intimate acts that will lessen possible exposure to unwanted illnesses. This act is casual and not an indication of monogamy. Just remember, you may not be the only course on the menu, so act accordingly. Do not assume that everything your casual counterpart is selling is the gospel truth. Indulge because you want too and enjoy the encounter, be in the moment …if this is not possible without attaching expectations of some future coupling, then maybe casual sex is not for you. Listen to your gut…no one can be a more accurate emotional barometer than you!
Casual sex isn’t bad per se. It all depends on what you want and what point in your life you are at. The main issue in my opinion is if casual sex is indeed what you want, then you should seek out others with the same wants and needs.
Where it goes wrong is when one partner wants casual sex and the other doesn’t, which leads to someone getting hurt. It’s about being aware of what you want but also being aware of what the other person wants as well. If you want to just be casual, and you meet someone cool who wants more than that, save the headache and make a cool friend. Also never forget the great power of communication and letting someone know exactly where you stand right off the bat.