How to Live When Love is Dying

Tough Lessons on Love and Life When Romance is Dying

He had pulled away from his wife and been emotionally distant for many weeks. She had no idea why. His refusal to discuss anything about their situation inflamed what little dying communication was between them. Her repeated insistence that he tell her what was wrong finally occurred. He revealed that he just didn’t love her anymore. In fact, he didn’t know if he had ever loved her at all. He felt their marriage had been a sham, and he wanted out. He said it was over between them, and that there was nothing she could say or do to change anything. He was leaving. This news was devastating to his wife. She had always believed that they had a good marriage. They laughed, loved, saved money, bought a home and raised children together. All along she always put him first, sacrificed and helped him get through college. She had done without so that he could get ahead in his career, and now none of those things mattered. She was devastated, broken like a shattered window pane. Her heart was bleeding as if pierced by a shard of glass. How could he do this to her? How could he be so selfish? Why?

After he left, she realized that it never occurred to her that her husband might not feel as she did about certain things, that his view of the world might be vastly different from hers, or that he didn’t want the same things as she did, in a bigger picture sort of way. He said they had nothing in common. That she didn’t hear him because she wouldn’t listen, and that everything always had to be her way. She was flabbergasted by his statements, confused and she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

There are times in our lives when circumstances require us to be completely honest with ourselves. Life requires a lot of flexibility. It requires insight. As people grow, people often change because of their growth. Values shift. Priorities are rearranged. What was important in the early stages of a relationship may seem unimportant or even insignificant over time. Just as children outgrow their clothes, many people outgrow the relationship they are in. If a relationship is in trouble there are usually signs, but commonly, people don’t connect the dots. Awareness is vital. Self honesty is a “must.” Denial can be expensive.

Life is about perception, and we live our lives from the inside out. We enter relationships at the level of our self-esteem. Love is an energy-current that takes on a powerful life of its own. It guides the heart and steers the course of our lives. Love cannot be artificially induced. It cannot be faked. The woman learned a valuable lesson about the importance of self worth. Instead of taking care of herself to be a better wife and mother, her sacrifices went unrecognized, just as her lack of insight blinded her to her husband’s unhappiness. He was unable to fake love. She was unable to accept him as he was.

In times of crisis, it is always best to speak from the heart, to live from the higher aspects of our personalities. When we focus upon the light within us, our lives will reflect it. Doing so opens us up to a higher loving truth, to what’s real, and hopefully makes us more aware about what really matters in life. Self honesty can be difficult. It can hurt to ask ourselves the hard questions. Yet we can’t change what we won’t acknowledge. Because life is about growth and our relationships show us where our strengths and weaknesses lie, if we live from a point of loving awareness and peaceful tolerance, then when the right relationship finds its way into our lives, we are ready for it, and also, for the goodness and other blessing that come along as well.