Is Your Heart Fooling You?

It’s strange how the heart works… It beats and beats and beats every moment of every day that you’re alive, increasing its pace when your body is stressed, shocked or under emotional duress. And when it comes to love, it’s your most trusted friend – because it can actually be the first to tell you how you feel about a potential mate.

Have you noticed how it speeds up and practically pounds through your chest when you meet someone with whom you’re destined to have a long-lasting romantic connection? Love, after all, stems from somewhere – and the heart seems to be the source of our sweetest emotions.

But do you know that your heart may not be 100% accurate in its messages? You may, in fact, be mistaking other things for love – dependence, lust, loneliness… all those states that lead you to seek comfort. In fact, the increased beating of your heart might be signaling something else. Maybe it’s trying to tell you that you’re in a bad situation, and the person you used to love beyond belief is now actually upsetting you with their presence. Anger and hate are powerful emotions, as strong as love – and might be creating your heart’s reaction. Or perhaps you feel sorry for this person, and unhealthy devotion is keeping you attached.

Head over heart
This is exactly why it’s sometimes necessary to listen to something other than your beating heart, because you may be interpreting it incorrectly. Examine your situation from a different view – ask your head rather than your heart. Has your relationship foundered to the point where you don’t actually feel the connection with this person you used to consider your soulmate? Do you see a future as a couple, or has that image begun to dissolve? Have you begun to feel as though you’d rather be doing anything else with anyone else rather than being with them? Is you heart pounding out of lust only?

If you’ve answered any of the above in the affirmative, then you have likely hit the end of the road for your union. If couples counseling doesn’t improve the situation, you need to listen more closely to your heart. It’s not actually telling you “you love them and you’re meant to be together.” Instead, it’s likely trying to tell you, “you once loved them, but you’re just staying together because it’s comfortable, and you may be scared to begin all over again in love.”

Your heart’s true message
Indeed, fear of the unknown often keeps us from moving forward when we most need to. Instead, we are more concerned with questions like, “Will I find another mate?” and “Do I really want to be alone?” and “Do I have the energy to start a relationship anew?” You really must look inside yourself and ask whether sticking with the wrong person is a better plan than striking out on your own or finding someone else. The answer is very often that you should unshackle yourself from the dead-end romance and begin the next chapter in your life – and the very idea may leave you, once more, with a pounding heart.

Once you’ve made this realization, you will hear a different message when listening to your heart – a message that is more in tune with your gut instinct and your mind – and perhaps even the advice of your friends and family. Sticking in a dead-end relationship stagnates your senses. Once you’re free, you’ll find yourself noticing a beautiful day or a colorful plant or a delicious taste or scent. These are experiences that your mind might have shut itself off to when your senses were deadened. Newly awakened by the excitement of starting over, you’ll appreciate those things that you’d just glossed over or taken for granted. Perhaps this is the heart’s way of blessing you with a second chance at love.

Unchain your heart
Now here’s the tricky part – unhitching yourself from your soon-to-be-ex. Actually, this probably won’t be as difficult, once you recognize this one very simple fact – if you’re feeling like the relationship is over, it’s very likely that they also feel the same way. If that’s the case, you should be able to sit down together like two adults and very calmly discuss the fact that although you still have feelings for them, you no longer feel that there’s enough substance left in your relationship to continue down a forever path.

Wish them the best, remain friends if you want to… but move on (yes, we know, easier said than done!). You’ll feel a burst of energy, and a weight off your chest that will allow your heart to pump more freely and strongly than it has in a while. Now relish your newfound freedom, and listen a little more closely to your heart. It won’t steer you wrong, as long as you listen to it carefully.