Psychic Jesse Reveals: How to Increase Emotional Intimacy

Dealing With the Pain of Repression

Emmett from Crossfield asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and things have already become quite difficult. Our relationship has no intimacy at all; it pretty much ended after the first four months of being together. He has his excuses, but they aren’t all the same. The first one was ” I don’t feel confident with how my body looks,” so I figured it was a normal response and I would give him time to figure it out. The second time (many months later), his response was “I’d rather wait till we get married to have sex,” which I thought was a little extreme, so I went along with it. Then the third time he said “I feel bad after we have sex, because the church said it’s not OK to be gay” and so this really bothered me. I’m not sure what to do or say. I’m not sure if it’s my fault or not, but he doesn’t tell me things honestly, either. When he’s not near me he looks at porn on the Internet, and when I come in the room he frantically turns it off and says he’s doing nothing. What do you think? Sincerely, Emmett Greene

Psychic Jesse ext. 9027 Responds:

Dear Emmett,

I am truly sorry that you are having to endure this lack of intimacy, but there is actually a reason for it… and, unfortunately, it’s not a simple remedy.

Your partner is suffering from a toxic level of internalized homophobia. Additionally, it appears that he has been comparing himself to you, as well as any sexual partner you have ever had that he knew about, and you have a perfect storm! It also feels like he’s having some issues about his age and that dreadful force called gravity.

The most direct approach to this is to find a couples counselor who is truly unbiased and get these issues altered as quickly as possible. If, however, you live in a place where such a person would be difficult to find, there are some steps you can take to begin the kind of healing that will be necessary for you two to have a wonderful and committed life together.

First, find an evening when the two of you will have some time completely alone. Turn off the phones, TV, etc. and have a conversation over a quiet meal about where each of you sees the relationship in the next three years. Don’t judge each other’s answers and don’t perceive his to be engraved in stone. Just listen and remember why you’re doing this exercise: you love one another!

After your meal, go into the living room. Each of you gets a tablet of paper and a pencil.

(You’ll want to use a pencil because there will be several thoughts that will need “fine tuning” later on.)

Each one of you will write down your greatest fears in regards to life and relationships. Then you will write what each of you percieves what your partner thinks about you: your body, your mind, your financial goals, etc.

Spend some time working on your answers. Then, after both of you have finished, exchange papers. Read the answers with as little prejudice as possible. You’re going to learn a great deal about one another this way! And remember: read without prejudice! Check the ego at the door and really hear one another!

Now… really talk to one another. Open your heart and let it lead the discussion. The two of you are going to make some major decisions over the next 2-3 months, and you need to be on solid ground when you do.

Remember why you fell in love with one another and start from there. Remember what life was like while you were trying to find one another. This relationship isn’t over! However, if you don’t explore the emotional intimacy that’s currently withheld, there is a very good chance you two will be single by Spring… and that would be a true tragedy.

Stay strong… and never lose sight of the power of Love!

Jesse ext. 9027

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