The Signs They Aren’t Your Real Friends
If you’ve been lucky enough to have a real friend in life, you know exactly what it feels like. They’re someone who has your back even when you’re wrong. You can confide your darkest secrets to a real friend and share your most humiliating mistakes without feeling judged. A real friend enthusiastically shares in your biggest victories (even if they’re jealous)! You know a real friend would never stab you in the back (or whisper about you behind it).
Red Flags Friends
Sometimes it can be hard to tell if a person has your best interests at heart. You may think that someone is a closer friend than they actually are. So how can you separate the cocktail companions from the people you should keep around for the long haul? Here are the 4 ways to tell if they’re not your real friends:
- You always feel drained after spending time with them.
- You start looking for reasons to avoid hanging out with them when they contact you.
- Whenever they reach out, it’s only to ask for a favor.
- They always take control of the outing, without any regard for your interests, opinions, or boundaries.
Toxic Situations
But what if you’ve never experienced any of those specific red flags, yet you sometimes still get an uneasy feeling about a friend? Here are a few more things to watch out for that may suggest that your friend isn’t as invested in your friendship as you thought.
It’s All About Them
You know the type. When you have a problem and talk to them about it, they comment briefly and nod their head here and there, but you can tell they’re waiting for you to hurry up and finish so they can talk about themselves.
Now, we can all be a bit self-centered from time to time, especially if we are going through a crisis like planning a wedding or expecting a child, etc., but a real friend cares about what’s going on in your life too. They support you and are there for you emotionally. A self-absorbed friend barely listens to you and won’t be there for your in your hour of need. Honestly, they aren’t that invested in your friendship and you shouldn’t consider them to be a real friend, much less any kind of friend at all.
You’re Always the Initiator
If you’re always the one reaching out to get together, you’re encountering a relationship red flag. Sure, there are things that keep us busy for extended periods of time, but a real friend will make time for you. Whether it’s a lunch date, cup of coffee, or a brief phone call, a real friend reaches out to you too. If you don’t hear from someone for ages. If they don’t return your calls, texts, email, etc., and generally don’t have time for you, they’re not a real friend.
Look for patterns. Who’s always calling who? Who’s never available to get together? Who’s always making excuses and always promising to reschedule but never getting around to it? If you’re the only one interested in communication, they probably aren’t a real friend and you’re trying too hard to maintain a friendship not worth maintaining.
You’re Constantly Criticized
You want your friends to be honest with you. Honesty is the sign of a real friend. But if you have a friend who is always putting you down or criticizing you, you need to seriously reconsider the friendship. If they always have something negative to say about your actions, words, or appearance, they’re not trying to be helpful. Rather, they’re being hurtful and they don’t have your best interest at heart. They either have an ax to grind or they’re projecting their own self-esteem issues on you. An overly-critical friend is not a real friend.
Quality Over Quantity
When it comes to friends, it’s not about quantity. It’s better to have a few amazing friends who respect you and treat you well, than a lot of superficial friends who don’t really care about you.
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30 thoughts on “Do You Know Who Your Real Friends Are?”
Right now I count someone as a friend if they talk about me behind my back and I don’t hear it.
Love the Article, very, very well said, I thank my great spirits that have bless me with great friends n very connecting lovely spiritual friends. Thank you for this Article it really opens great insight for others.
It’s true that someone I thought was a “true” friend, has herself been so absorbed with her “lost love” disappointment in finance and overwhelming responsibilities that she never has anything positive to say anymore. I have tried to be the “real” friend by stopping to talk about any of my own problems and giving her all the “listening” time and compassion that she needs. She, herself has stopped in the middle of her telephone conversations (we rarely get together anymore….since she is always “too busy taking care of her family members’ “needs” or “Too tired” to visit or go out with me) and remarks….”Here I am talking always and only about my problems….and not even asking you how things are going for you”…..when I start to reply about a physical illness I might be experiencing or a family problem of my own…..she immediately gets distracted from anything I might say…..and again launches into her own problems at work….at home…..or anywhere. I no longer feel like a have a “real” friend in her, no because she is so terribly needy and self-absorbed….but because she obviously doesn’t share the sense of “loss” that I have over what I thought was a real friendship. She knows I will do anything to help her till this day…..but……I have learned to insulate myself against the severe “hurt” and disappointment of knowing she has no interest in what’s happening in my life anymore. The way I do that, is to NOT EXPECT ANYTHING LIKE IT WAS, when the friendship was “RECIPROCAL” in it’s depth and quality. THAT friend, that I once had…does not exist anymore. So, if I can accept it on these terms….I will no longer expect anything…and will no longer be subject to hurt and/or disappointment. Too bad it has to be this way….but “True friendship” is always a TWO-WAY street. When the direction is all one way….there is no “TRUE’ friendship….just a friendly acquaintanship!
The mind is very deceptive real friends are not easy you have to let go minor mistake for it to materialise. life is larger than logic
I think this arrival is on point. I have dont know if I have any real friends. Almost every person that I have allowed to actually get close to me to know the real me has hurt or betrayed me in some way. The last one was exactly that the last one I will never again allow any woman close to me. I believe that I am a good friend if you need me I am always there, if I can help I do. Need to talk or just vent I’m there. I give from my hart and I share most anything. There is just a line not to be crossed truth is it is the only thing I don’t think I will ever find a way to forgive. Betrayal on every possiable level to that add malicious intent to hurt me without reason. I can’t understand that so I can’t forgive it. I am sure I have done things to people that were wrong I also know that they were not done without reason. I am the kind of person who believes in trying to make things rite at least in principal. I admit my wrongs and offer hartfelt apologies at the ferry least an explanation. There was a time I believed everyone should have a friend like I tried to be. Now I changed my way of thinking. The last 7 to 10 yes of my life have taught me no one can be trusted you can never let your guard down. People are out for themselves as long as you benefit them in some way they are there by your side. If you have something they want they will betray you to get it. When you no longer benefit them they disappear. This world is filled with takers and dishonest people I no longer trust anyone. I question everything and everyone’s motives which causes me to be alone more than I know I should. I don’t know any other way to protect myself.
It’s sad to know that people can be so mean! It seems to be part of human nature…we seem to be all wanting and needing something for ourselves!I think we should only live from the good,true and the beautiful and then this world would be a better place!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!! Blessings to everyone…
Thanks Emilia! I know that some of the same zodiacs have a lot in common, even to those who do not have the ability or resources. However my amazement was when just 30mins to an hour before speaking with you…..you exacted some of the same words that I had already posted on Facebook before speaking with you. Not only that, it just so happens that I have been trying to getting in touch with my spiritual side and someone on FB told me to meditate months ago. All of those things stayed in my mind, but I went through so much I just don’t trust or even leave my house to avoid people. I thought avoiding people staying in my house to myself would relieve me of problems and getting ripped of or hurt. I don’t want to deal with another man or friends. But all that was lost and I went through and still may go through, has and will continue to make me stronger. So much I thought before calling for a long time you said. Thanks, it was all on point. I always thought either you are religious or you are into psychics, but you speaking about what has gotten me out of my house, and that I need to keep experiencing the bad relationships and all to get past what I am avoiding and meet better people, to use my stepping stones and not be afraid. I love the experience, and once I prosper and in a better position I will definitely be in touch as a member! Wish me blessing, luck, and all to come.
Really great article. @harrison, be the best man and you will meet her real soon.
This article is so true. I had a friend and our husbands were friends for many years. She and I spoke everyday, saw each other several times a week, and confided in each other. I was there when she was injured, gave ‘nursing care’ and medical care. When her husband became very ill we cared for him by doing house calls. No charge. Their family physician let them down, I diagnosed him and personally drove him to hospital where he nearly died. Cancelled my day for his 9 hour surgery, and took her for dinner after. He survived but it was a close call. Several months later I became acutely depressed with suicidal ideation. Life and work, long hours took its toll. It is hard for medical people to ask for help. I called out for her. She pulled away, quit calling, did not return calls and her husband stopped golfing with my husband. She said people who are suicidal are just wanting sympathy. So wrong. I ran into her 2 years later, and she said ‘I have never done that to anyone before’. I just said ‘lucky me’. This made my depression worse having to deal with the loss of my ‘best friend’. I survived but I am very cautious. I have friends from kindergarten. They are my real friends. The warning signs started when my depression started. A little withdrawn, sensitive, a bit teary and not my outgoing self. Anyway. I lived to tell this to all of you.
First of all, this is a beautiful article, filled with wisdom and some great pointers, that I feel are so very true.
Yes, it hurts when we get judged, and we thought we could trust what we thought was our “friend” –for example, we tell them something very embarrassing or humiliating, and we trust they will understand, and, then, they have nothing but negativity to throw at us, or, put our situation down.. Yes, many of us have had to walk away as we realized that this was not the friend we actually thought we had. But then, something wonderful, does, in fact, eventually happen– we feel the freedom and joy from letting go of something that was not positive for us, after all. So be proud of yourself that you keep trying to find or have a friend, the key is to never give up, that’s how we find our soul pals…do not give up. We just move on to the next possibility, and we try again…That’s how we find a real friend..It’s never too late.Thanks again, for such a wonderful post. Psychic Miss Krystal
I have someone like that in my life, always criticizing the people around her. Has to talk about either you clothing, your weight and her weight is something she needs to stay focused on and not others. But that’s how this person operates to feel better/good about self. Money don’t make the person…personality does. It has finally hit me…I no longer want this person in my life going forward. 35 years of knowing each other. I won’t and can’t say we were ever real friends.
Love this about friends I have recently discovered that the person I gave a second chance at friendship has once again betrayed me. She will get no more chances from me or anyone who knows her. She tried to ruin my life with family and true friends.and did manage to wreck my relationship with my partner , but then again I found out his true colours and that of a couple of others I’m happier now than I’ve been in a few months so Karma does work.
Keep up the good work.
This article is spot on. I have 3 real friends and everything you say a real friend should be, they are… and more. They’re more like sisters than friends.
Another sign someone isn’t as close as you think are… they flake, hard to tell them the truth especially when they’re in a bad relationship but you tell them and they act like it was never said, are always willing to take whatever you got even indirectly drain you, can’t do things without your help to do it all, could care less if you ever see them again etc… these are all obvious signs these aren’t real friends. Just seek people who are more similar to you and things will flow much easier for the relationship then you won’t be the one who is feeling drained/burnt.
Real friends have your best interests at heart.
Thanks for this. I just realized that I’m the one trying to be there as a friend. Sometimes he acts as if he cares but most of the time he’s too busy or acts rude. Oh well at least now I know. Thank you
Thank you, S.K. Smith. I really appreciate what you said here. You always write great articles. Thank you again. 🙂
when will i meet my life parner?
I read everything i agree with that. That was very nice to me.
Loved the article. Made me realize the fool I had become. I was dominated by an egotistic that admits to being a paranoid control freak. Thank you. I wish I had seen this article long ago.
Please send me a copy of this article.
I read the article four times. It clearly made me realize the fool I had become in ALL regards that you had written about. I had been dominated by a major control freak. Please email me a copy of this article.
I so know what u mean! Too be honest I can’t really say that I’m a good friend either. I tend to keep myself hidden from all people, sumtimes family too. Yes I get invited to hangout, dinners & movies I choose not to go because its not that I don’t like them its me feeling rejected by them! Even though that’s not anyway true, I have a very hard time TRUSTING people & when I finally give in I get stepped on EVERYTIME no matter how much I give or do for them!
DAVE your so right about friends truer words were never spoken about friends. I had a friend since junior high and back in 1990 when my mother died she came to the wake and funeral then when I needed someone to talk to she turned her back on me until I meet her in a super market and she came up to me like nothing ever happened. Then I had another friend I was friends with since 1968 and in 2005 she started more trouble between me and my boyfriend that I had to get a lawyer and all these years she was a junkie then we started putting two & two together as old as she is today people would say what are you doing with her she is a sick person and how true it was but I guess I was blind to a lot even our other friends would say are we that stupid . So what you are saying I do believe you.
This is so true, I have people around like that, I realize that a long time ago, but thanks for the truth
You are so right about what you say here I had one friend I thought have known him for two years as matter of fact he never would communicate with me about anything and when I really needed him he was never there for me not really he always wanted me to help him be a better person which I did but never did anything for me in return so yes I know who my real friends are and he is not one of them anymore, so thank you for pointing this out. I hope he sees this message so he will know he had a chance with me as a friend and possibly more but he abused the friendship.
luv the reading about friends or if they talk when your talking or trying to not a friend and not listening arlene
i asked if my boyfrend was cheating on me i didnt get a answer you told me about frendship
am looking for my soulmate and my sign is cancer am born on 16th of june can i know who r the best people for me thanks
Will I find love if I do will I get married and how many kids will I have
I sat here and read everything that was written about friends and friendship. I totally agree with everything that was stated and that is why I have very few people as friends. I just hit 19 years clean and sober and, I only want/need positive people around me that are doing things in a positive way. Now me myself is trying to do things in a positive way and not being judgmental about a person until I have study the persons behavior pattern for a while.