Late Bloomers in Love

Are you beating yourself up for being the last single hold out among your friends? Afraid you’ll never meet the right person, that something is wrong with you or that you’re simply destined never to find love? Well, stop. If you’re among love’s late bloomers – for whatever reason – it’s time for a reality check.

There are several explanations for why love has been long coming (hint: not one of them includes you not being worthy). Here are a few explanations (and upsides) for you to consider.

The worker bee
One of the most common realities that the settle down early paradigm fails to recognize is that careers take a lot of time – and effort – to build. So if you’re among the work-focused forces of nature who inadvertently neglected to pay enough attention to love, don’t kick yourself, be grateful. Odds are, you’ve achieved at least some of your professional goals and are on your way to achieving the rest of them. There’s only so much one person can do at a time and you’ve done a lot! So much so that love would have likely gotten in your way.

However, now that you’re looking for love (and at the very least, getting settled professionally), you may want to shift your focus and add a new dimension to your hard working life. Take that can-do spirit that’s helped you to succeed at work, and focus it on finding love! No doubt, with a little work, some patience and the willingness to give something new a go, you’ll be on the road to romance in no time. And if ever you doubt it, just look back at all you’ve achieved for confidence.

Victim of young love
Let’s face it. When it comes to love, the first cut is often the deepest. In fact, many of love’s late bloomers report having suffered a heartbreak at an early age that they never got over completely. This doesn’t make you damaged, it doesn’t mean your long ago love was “the one,” nor does it indicate that you’re destined for continued romantic failure.

Instead of continuing to fixate on the past, it’s time to move yourself and your love life into the present. You may have to start by facing your fears (intimacy, opening up again). And, you will definitely need to do an honest assessment of your scars as well as how they affect your behavior with potential partners. In addition, if your relationship was abusive, you’d be wise to seek counsel. However, if you’re willing to put your past behind you and create the future that you want to have, success in love is attainable. And the best part is, you’ll be seeing what you enter into through clearer, more mature, less vulnerable eyes. Having weathered the first storm, you’re better armed for whatever’s to come.

The soul searcher
Just as common as workaholics and victims of early heartbreak are those of us whose main mission has been not to find a soulmate, but to focus on ourselves. And this, while it may not feel like it at this particular point, is the absolute healthiest approach to finding love. No other human being can complete you, they can only compliment you. So, why not give them the best you possible to compliment? Had you met someone before you felt solid in yourself, they might have met your energy at that time, but who wants that now… now that you’ve blossomed into you!

If you’re a soul searcher who has focused on getting to know yourself and your place in the world, do not, for one second think you’ve made a mistake… or that it’s too late. Quite the contrary. When you’re ready, love will come your way. It may just require a tiny shift of intention. When you’re ready, begin to focus on meeting your match… and never settle for less. It may take you longer than the average person (those who take the time to work on themselves require someone who has done the same), but the end result will definitely be worth it!

Reality check
While for some outdated reason, society dictates that we should all want to pair off and settle down as soon as possible, the earlier a relationship is entered into, the less chance it has of succeeding – check out the lower divorce rates for couples who meet in their late 30’s and 40’s. Successful relationships require two active partners who contribute equally and grow together. That’s not to say it’s impossible for people who marry in their early 20’s to be happy – very often, they can be. But mature adults who have lived life a little and seen it past their 30^th, 35^th or even 40^th birthdays, have a lot more experience and wherewithal to bring to their relationships. They know what they want and why… and more often than not, if they’re open to it, they get it.