How to Handle an Angry Partner
There are quite a few angry people in the world, and you may even know one or two. And if you’re in a relationship with one of them, you know life isn’t fairy-tale perfect. But even Snow White got along with Grumpy! Here’s how to handle an angry partner, dwarf or anyone you share space with.
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The Challenges You Face
According to psychologytoday.com, there are two main challenges people face when dealing with an angry partner:
1. Turning Into an Angry Person Yourself
2. Trying to Get Your Partner to Change Their Negative Perspective
Turning Into an Angry Person Yourself
Anger can’t literally rub off a person and onto another like the flu or the cold, but figuratively speaking it does. When you’re around someone who is bitter and angry all the time, you can’t help but start to resent them and the situation you’re in with them. Soon, you’ll become what you loathe or find troublesome.
Trying to Get Your Partner to Change Their Negative Perspective
The second biggest challenge is trying to get your partner to change their negative perspective. They feel like the world is against them, so you have a lot to do, if you feel like doing it. But know that making people change is nearly impossible if they don’t want to change. If they do want to change, they have to do it for themselves.
You Can Help Your Partner
Your partner feels resentment. They feel like a victim. They may even be arrogant and a bit narcissistic. That’s why they’re stuck in a negative pattern that repeats itself over and over. But should you be compassionate?
According to psychologytoday.com, the compassion you give will only heal you, not your partner. Therefore, you have to be assertive and demand change in your partner—the compassion has to come from them. So how do you demand a change?
Your Emotional Demeanor
In his article, “How to Deal With an Angry Partner,” Steven Stosny, Ph.D., suggests that “… your emotional demeanor is more important than the words you use, and it must stem from the deep conviction that [the angry partner] will not recover without learning to sustain compassion. You must be convinced that you and your family deserve a better life and be determined to achieve it.” He suggests finding your own words to tell your partner that in the current state, neither of you is being the partner you need to be or want to be.
Unlocking the Stalemate
Be resolute in your conviction that if they want to remain in the relationship they need to treat you (and your family) with the dignity and respect you (they) deserve. It is within this type of plea or demand that the angry partner will be able to break free of their negativity by tapping into their compassion—the key to unlocking this stalemate. Tell your angry partner that you both need to value one another and be sympathetic to how the other person feels, and that if the relationship continues in its current state, the two of you will wind up hating each other.
A Better Relationship
Without being able to tap into his or her compassion for others, the angry partner will not be able to step out of their negative space. Having a conversation with them will hopefully make them see that they are jeopardizing their most important relationship(s) and that they are hurting the people they love. By being compassionate, you not only help yourself, but you are showing your partner how to be compassionate as well. Trying to handle an angry partner isn’t easy by any means, but if you truly want to stay together, then following this advice will give you a strong start to a better relationship.
14 thoughts on “How to Love Someone Who’s Mad at the World”
I talked to a physic like two days ago!!! Do they be telling the truth?
Hello … My main concern is my husband , I feel like he is losing intrest in me. I been with him for 25 yrs and married by civil for 14 yrs. He is born May 5th 1961. I want to know if he still loves me. Or just needs me for his cleaning hoyse wife. We live in Mexico. But Im here in the states at the moment taking care of my parents and grand daughter. Please give me answers.
Dear Kathy – reading your comment here is not like having a reading with a gifted psychic. Why not have a reading with someone who can tap into your husband’s feelings. Being so far apart though I’m sure is not helping you feel secure. You’re not cleaning his house now; you’re a thousand miles away, and he’s still married to you – so I would guess that’s not all he’s interested in. But call a psychic so you can be at peace and get the answers to your questions. Best of luck.
~LJ
I don’t believe in cheating, my dad did it to my mom for years.
I hate it.
Dear Sergio: I love that sentiment. And that’s kind of the point here in this article. If you can see how someone is hurt or affected by your (not you) behavior, then compassion takes over and the hurting stops. At least you know from that experience that you have compassion for other’s feelings. That’s a huge life lesson – good for you. See, even painful experiences can have positive effects.
~LJ
I live with an angry person and I have to say that everything you have written is so true. People will tell me that I am so caring and easy going but I do find that my partner will press every button possible to get negative response from me. Why don’t I leave him, because I do love him and he does have some very positive points. He is extremely loyal and truthful and has a good sense of humour but when the negativity starts, boy does it come out and nothing is right. On numerous occasions you just feel that it would be so much easier to just walk away and not have to contend with the nastiness and malicious comments.
Dear Lori L: What seems easiest to do isn’t really all that easy – as you have pointed out. It’s a complex situation for sure. If you can help it, don’t respond when he tries to get you going. If he can’t get a rise out of you, maybe he’ll quit it. Otherwise you can find a time when he’s loving and open and tell him that it’s not working for you when he’s negative. You want him to feel compassion for you and those around you. You’d be surprised at how many people don’t realize how they’re affecting others with their behavior. Best of luck.
~LJ
I love reading those stuff about partner and relationships
Dear Murssy (Love your name!) – I’m glad you’re enjoying these articles. Feel free to share! LOL. Thanks so much.
~LJ
What do you do if this person is your mother & she lives with you???
Dear Steve P.: That’s a tough one. It’s not easy to demand good behavior or better behavior from anyone, but I’m sure if she knew it was hurting your relationship she’d at least take a minute to think before she said harsh words. In the case of a parent, I’d say you’re lucky to have her with you mad or not – so overwhelm her with love and kindness and then go outside and scream if you have to. Best of luck.
~LJ