What exactly is the magic behind a working marriage? There’s been a lot of speculation behind this question, but today we’re going to look at the science behind some of the answers.
What makes a successful couple? We can’t always choose the ones we love, but we can at least go into a relationship knowing our odds.
According to the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, young love is as fleeting as it is wonderful. Only 65 percent of college graduates who marry before the age of 26 will ever make it past their 20th Anniversary, while 81 percent who marry after age 26 will.
It is a common belief that living together helps test the waters of a relationship, but statistics show that this is not always the case. In fact, according to studies at Brown University, a woman who has lived with at least one other guy will be 40 percent more likely to divorce. Researchers speculate that it may have something to do with the kind of people who are drawn to these living arrangements (people who have a difficult time committing). It may also have something to do with the loose attitudes (bad habits) associated with living together. Couples who habitually cohabit learn that the easiest way to get out of a rocky relationship is to step out (divorce). If you absolutely must live together, get engaged first.
Couples with a previous marriage under their belt have anywhere from a 60 to 90 percent chance of experiencing a second divorce. If they have even more failed marriages, you don’t even want to know your chances. In a study of over 5,000 struggling couples, researchers found that those who divorced were rarely happier than those who stuck it out. Even more interesting, 86 percent of those who hung in for five years reported working out their differences and being happier than ever.
Like Mother, Like Daughter; Like Father, Like Son
They say that you can tell a lot about a mate by looking at their parents, and when it comes to a successful relationship, this is partially true. Children who come from divorced parents are 40 percent more likely to experience a divorce themselves as adults, according to studies at Cambridge University. Even more interesting, if those parents remarry a second time, that child will then stand a whopping 91 percent chance of divorce. This is believed to be caused by the underlying message to kids that relationships are disposable.
Your Daily Five – Good relationship habits make all the difference.
Now that we;ve discussed some of the aspects of relationships that we may not have control over, here are some ideas that can help turn a negative outlook into a working marriage, just by making these habits a part of your everyday life.
Walk Together (Hold Hands)
Some people say that you can guess the couples who won’t be married 20 years down the road, just by watching which husbands walk several feet in front of their wives, who callously linger behind. Walking side by side and holding hands is a clear message to your partner and those around you that you are a couple, and committed to that bond.
I knew a couple who gradually drifted apart. It began very subtly, with the husband sleeping in a separate room. He was a night owl, and would say he didn’t want to wake her. One day they woke up in separate rooms, and realized that they were no longer a couple. Sleeping in the same bed together is important for keeping your intimate bond strong. You should also never storm off to bed angry. You should always say goodnight first. This lets your partner know that your relationship is more important than any disagreement.
Take Time Out
No matter how busy you may be, always take time for your partner. According to psychologists, 33 percent of divorce-destined couples who turn to their partner and say, “Look at this, honey” will only be ignored. Working partners turn to each other at least 86 percent of the time their spouse requests their attention.
Working couples also have a knack for seeing the good in each other. Yes, she may have a husband that dresses their daughter for school in an orange and yellow t-shirt with pink jeans, but at least he’s making an effort. Men who do not feel comfortable spending time with their daughter, increase the chances of a failed marriage by five percent. Resist the urge to micromanage these occasions. Some things are better left unsaid.
7 thoughts on “Science Behind Marriages That Work”
OH NO! I’m really scared the topic about the second marriage are possible to divorce again. I really felt the story of kmlemak too and some of couple remarriage again but I really really want to have a successful relationship. My husband and I, had individual problems about our past relationship and for him it’s not easy to forget his x-wife (but he never tell more) I just feel it 101 percent . We hit it off very early in our online dating and marriage earlier coz I know that we are perfect match ( not only I read in the horoscope that we are match but I absolutely see and feel that we are destiny). he is scorpio and I’m pisces. I only have problem about his past…I feel it 101 percent sure that… he still thinking his x-wife. I fell hurt and pitty for him but I really really want to help him to open up. He is not really open about his past and I feel like I don’t want to hurts too. is that normal? and also we don’t want to hurt each other feelings even he’s upset or I feel bother him he never tells anything and me too I’m so easy to feel sorry. he’s always say it’s okey! even I know he’s not but I don’t what the words I use to open his up. My problem also is sometimes I feel bored if our topic is always say I love you. Sometimes we don’t know what our next topic too. I feel like he’s not so sophisticated than me but I believe that we can’t find a perfect man.
Like I said I really really want to have a happy marriage. thank you for spending time my comments. If anyone want’s to share their opinion I love to hear it! bad or good! thank you and thank you for CP the great and interesting topic here. more more topic come!
Ok i would just like to say that I am 20 and married to a 29 year old. We got married when i was 18 and have to children together. We have had our issues and i don’t know if it will work out. Things are good and then bad but one thing i do know is if yoou really truly love the person you are married to and want it to work and you both work together at it. the marriage will work. It doesn’t matter if you are young or not. i love science but at the same time you can’t base a marriage purely on what age you get married that the marriage will fail. Even if your parents are divorced or whatever might of happened. Yeah we do learn from our parents and usually daughters sometimes marry a man like their father. In some cases thats good and in others thats bad. A marriage is what you make of it. Communication and Understanding is the key. it takes time. Believe me i know. Marriage sometimes i think can be hard if both partners aren’t willing to do their parts as a couple. But i just really wanted to say that.
There is somthing true and others even based on science are odds.But to long marriage depends on patient attitude of both parties.
First of all kmlemak I think maybe you should ask him what issues he may have that you do not understand. I am open to all the ideas it could be. Just be prepared for a very shocking answer. Just remember to let him know that you are just curious because you do want to understand. He may have this underlying issue that he needs someone who understands him. I do know someone who has had that very same issue and the outcome was very disturbing to the ex-wife but if you keep an open mind and heart you can help him work through the issues he has I hate to see something that wonderful to just go away that easily. We all want the same thing you had with him. Please tell him no matter what it is and no matter the outcome of any decisions that you will still be there with him as long as he will allow you in his life. I really feel that this is a very serious issue and that it is hard for him to tell you what it is for fear he will be rejected. Just keep an open mind and remember that it is not your fault for this break up or his either just he is afraid of rejection and maybe a bit proud to admit the issues to you.
So true about statistics. I’m going through my 2nd divorce. My parents were married 62 years, when my dad passed away. My husband (soon-to-be-ex) is going through his 4th divorce and his parents were married until his mom died of cancer. We held hands until shortly before he moved out, we always slept in the same bed, never going to bed angry, and even had sex 1-3 times daily almost every day (and we are both loathe to give that up!). We always took time to be together. We always said I love you in a myriad of different ways, as well as, “I love you.” I know it’s over; I can almost see it as a “karmic cycle,” yet I’m sad and confused as to why it must end. He has issues, he says, that I don’t understand. And this article doesn’t help.
I do agree with maturity being an asset and a blessing, but as with many articles on marriage, single-mindedly focusing on statistics and finding reassurance in them is fool hardy. Marriages and relationships have a life span and we can’t rewind time, go back and marry at 26, choose our parents divorce pattern, etc. When a relationship has served its Karmic purpose, no amount of hand holding will bring it back. Couples are better served by learning authenticity, respect and wisdom as opposed to as simplistic formula to avoid legal divorce. Many couples are divorced spiritually and emotionally for years, causing great pain to themselves and those around them with their negative energy.
Hi …..another great article !!!!
ALL of these are valid points…… and ,I’ve always thought that couples seemed more prepared for the rigors of marriage after age 25……
I also feel that parents need to watch the example they set for their children in terms of how they interact with each other, as a couple….and how they cope with and handle, as a couple, the everyday problems that occur within a family.
excellent article.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500