Men Are People Too

When it comes to men, our needs are simple (or not!). We want a comforter, a confidante, a champion and a cavalier. We want him to tremble at our sex appeal before he tucks us in at night then admire our independence before he sets off in the morning. So what’s the problem? Where are all the good men?

You should never settle for someone who doesn’t respect and adore you. But don’t overlook the fact that most of us are holding fast to an incredibly tall order – one we ultimately may not even really want to be filled. Your guy may be a white knight at one time or another, but should he take his helmet off for the occasional breather, you might want to go a little easy on him. Here’s why:

If you want a man to love you for you, you have to let him be him – and that means remembering that he’s human (and male besides). He may try, but he’s bound to have his bad days, his foibles, his insecurities and his own needs, which is exactly what makes him capable of a love that will outlast any fairytale.

They’re martians, not mind readers
Men are not women. No matter how well we know it, we’re doomed to learn it again each time we expect them to understand us. He does not know what you’re thinking. He may want to make you happy, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t perceive relationships the same way, and he certainly doesn’t feel them the same way.

Ladies, sometimes you just have to take him by the hand. Acknowledge his efforts; smile at his earnest confusion. Then tell him what to do.

It’s all about ebb and flow
Our relationships are important to us, so we put a lot of energy into little gestures. Occasionally, however, other priorities and stresses in our lives take center stage. It’s okay to get a little giddy should he send a dozen reds or sweep you away Friday night, but just because his attention fizzles for a while doesn’t mean his feelings have. No one can be on all the time, and the two of you won’t always be on at the same time. Allow for love’s ebb and flow. You’ll be ready when the tide comes back in.

Be careful what you wish for
To hear Hollywood tell it, it is the man’s job to baby us, to father us and to worship us. Men must respect you for your strength and independence and ache to support and provide for you. But where does that leave you as a woman? I, for one, am neither a baby nor a goddess (though I like to think I have my moments). Now, I don’t mind the occasional shoulder or accolade, but I don’t think I could handle being all things to one man. Not all at once, anyway – it’s downright schizophrenic! Choose to be loved, but don’t try to choose how he shows it.

Missteps on the path to greatness
Sometimes it takes going through a rough patch to get to the good stuff. It’s the journey – the learning curve, so to speak. That’s not to say that intolerable behavior should suddenly become tolerable, but forgetting your birthday doesn’t have to be a ticket to ex-ville. Give him space to stumble, and room to recover gracefully. When that seems like too much to ask, think about your own missteps. If you’re lucky, while you’re letting your man be human, he’s allowing for the fact that women are nearly mortal, too.