Post-Breakup Independence

Most people will have more than one romantic relationship, go through multiple breakups, endure countless disappointments and suffer numerous heartbreaks before finding their one and only. The consensus is that the suffering is worth it for a shot at ever-lasting happiness. This is all well and good, but when the blows of love befall you, when your heart is broken into bits, the temptation is to give up on love.

“Why did I put myself through this?” (you may ask). “Never again!” (you may vow). But there is a way to start picking up the pieces, and it begins with that old cliché – the thing that got you into this situation in the first place – you believe in love. More than ever, now is the time to begin loving yourself into wholeness again! Instead of putting time into loving another, put more time into loving you. The first step is psychologically preparing yourself to heal through love. Here are five tips to get you through the night:

Be righteous
Depending on the kind of breakup, you may not be feeling very loveable. It can be helpful to look at your present situation as a challenge. “If she doesn’t love me, then I’ll love me.” It may also be helpful to channel the energy of any anger you may be feeling toward taking on the challenge. “If I can’t be happy with him, then I’ll find happiness somewhere else if it’s the last thing I do!” Your righteousness will help you through this difficult time.

Let it out
That’s what friends, family, therapists, new acquaintances and anyone who will lend a sympathetic ear are for! When you talk about it, you unburden yourself. There is no reason why you need to bear the weight on your own. Plenty of people will be willing and able to offer you compassion and consolation. You don’t want to abuse your privileges, but neither do you want to waste them.

Get a move on
Instead of dwelling perpetually on the past relationship, try to think about what you can do to improve your immediate situation. For instance, think about what you can do in the next ten minutes to make life a little better. This could be something as simple as washing the dishes or putting something pretty on a bare table. You can extend this exercise to what you can do in the next hour to improve your situation. Go for a walk, hike or run. Make yourself a healthy meal. It’s all about exercising self-respect from moment to moment.

Socialize
Socializing during this time is like medicine – it tastes terrible at first, but then you start to feel better. Neighborhood gatherings, an inspirational speaker, book clubs, a farmer’s market, shopping or sports are excellent ways to get out of the house. Call friends and try to make plans for the weekend. Being amongst others will not only help take your mind off the breakup, but will open the door to forming new relationships.

Invest in you
Whether you choose Spanish lessons, computer classes or yoga instruction, investing in your personal and professional development is a great way to boost your self-respect during this time. By making the choice to better yourself, you are saying, “I have value and great promise.”