Psychic Brendalynn: Love on Your Terms?

No One is Entitled to Love

We all want “unconditional love,” but do we know what that really means? If you’ve ever used the words, “If you loved me, you would…,” then you don’t know what unconditional love is. Unconditional love means, “I love you no matter what.” Whether your partner is sick or healthy, employed or unemployed, fat or thin, if you love them unconditionally, it means you take them as they are, at this exact moment in their life. “For better or for worse” is an adage that doesn’t just apply to marriage. It applies to any committed, grown-up romantic relationship.

Psychic Brendalynn gets so many calls about commitment. One partner thinks the other isn’t as committed as they are, and it can be for any number of reasons, including: he doesn’t want to live together; she won’t marry me; he doesn’t want to have kids with me; he won’t tell me how much he makes… the list goes on and on. But, this isn’t really a case of who loves the other more. According to Brendalynn, “The caller feels that their idea of happiness is right, and their partner’s idea of happiness is wrong.”

Let’s take a step back here. Why does living together, marriage, babies and joined finances automatically equal commitment? Is that how you define romantic happiness? With the divorce rate being as high as it is in America, it seems that marriage, babies, a house and shared finances aren’t the keys to happiness for about half of the population. So ask yourself why you think they are the keys to happiness for you. Call Psychic Brendalynn ext. 5173 if you want to discover what your keys to happiness really are.

So your partner doesn’t want to marry you. They don’t want to live with you, have babies with you, or share finances with you. They must not love you, right? So what if they were there for you when your parent died. So what if they helped cover funeral expenses, found you a good probate lawyer, and arranged the catering for the reception. They even took time off of work just to be there for you. They MUST not be committed to you, right? Well did you ever stop and think that we all define commitment differently?

Brendalynn says, “One size does not fit all in relationships. Everyone has a different purpose and different things that bring them joy or don’t bring them joy.” Your fantasy of white picket fences, golden retrievers named JFK and Jackie-O, and babies named after fruits or states could be your partner’s nightmare. And it’s not like you never knew how they felt. If you’ve been together long enough, you’ve had the “Where is this relationship going?” conversation. Most likely, you’ve initiated it. Much to your chagrin, your relationship train is headed in two different directions. Maybe you thought time would change your partner’s point of view. It hasn’t, and now you feel unloved.

You feel unloved because you can’t get your partner to love you on your terms, but what about their terms? Brendalynn says, “You don’t get love just on your terms.” The “If you loved me, you’d…” statement works both ways. What if your partner said, “If you loved me, you’d accept that it’s not that I don’t want to marry you or have babies with you. It’s that I don’t want to get married or have babies with anyone. That’s not how I define happiness. If you loved me, you’d accept that.” Maybe you have a hard time accepting your partner’s version of commitment. Talk to Psychic Brendalynn ext. 5173 to see if a compatibility issue is making you and your partner disagree and what to do about it.

A relationship isn’t about one person calling the shots and setting the rules. Your partner has shown you they love you. It’s in what they do and in what they say. If your desire for marriage, babies, and a house is more important than what they want, or their feelings, then you are with the wrong person. You are not compatible, and you should just let them go so they can share their love with someone who mirrors their version of commitment. Stop trying to force them into your version of commitment. It won’t work, and the longer you stay with them, the more you will grow to resent each other and part as enemies, rather than friends. I am not saying you can’t have it all. You can have the house, and the babies, and the marriage, and you can have all those things with someone who treats you well and is there for you. But you’ll only have those things with someone who wants them as well.

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