Your Partner: Can You Give Them What They Give You?
Just about every one of my clients who calls with questions about love and relationships has a laundry list of things they’re looking for in a potential partner—looks, success, intelligence, money, sexiness , kindness, generosity, loyalty, fun… the list goes on and on. But when I ask them what they’re bringing to the table, many times they are at a lost for words. Everyone knows what they want in a relationship, but many people aren’t thinking about what they have to offer to someone else. They don’t often think about what makes them attractive to someone else.
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What You Give is What You Receive
If you approach a relationship from a place of lack, neediness, boredom or lassitude, then that is exactly what you will attract. If you fail to show up for yourself and cultivate a life joy, the partner you attract is not going to be very motivated either—about their life or yours.
The key to attracting a great partner is to be the person who you want to be with—whether you’re in a relationship or not. A fun and joyful person who constantly seeks out new avenues of growth is a beacon of light that draws equally happy and adventurous people, whether they be friends or soulmates.
Try This Activity
So let’s get back to that list of qualities most of my callers look for in a potential mate. Would you add anything to it or take some traits away? Here’s a good activity to try:
1. Make a list of all the qualities you look for in a potential mate.
2. Next to each of those qualities, write about how you fulfill each of them for yourself. For example, let’s say you want a mate who is physically fit. You can write that you go to the gym five days a week to keep yourself physically fit too. Here’s another example: Let’s say you want a mate who has an advanced degree. Next to this trait, you would put that you graduated from college, medical school, law school, etc.
Realistic Expectations
You don’t have to find a mate whose traits are a perfect match to your own in order to be happy. But, it can be unrealistic to expect to attract a mate who will provide something for you that you are completely unable or unwilling to provide for yourself. There is an exception to this rule, however. The exception is that you and your mate could agree to fill in where the other lacks. For example, you may not be as financially stable as your potential mate and they could be okay with sharing more of the financial burden of your household. Or your mate may not be as physically fit as you, but you could agree to exercise with them or just love their body the way it is.
Make Yourself Attractive to a Mate
To make yourself more attractive to a potential mate, cultivate within yourself the qualities you seek. Be an interesting and fulfilled person. Create a satisfying life for yourself, whether or not you’re currently sharing it with someone else.
People often treat us the way we think we deserve to be treated. If you show up for yourself, you’re teaching someone else how to show up for you. Fulfill your promises to yourself, and someone will keep their promises to you. If you do these things, you will attract people who match your energy and commitment. This is exactly how to create the type of relationship you desire!
7 thoughts on “Psychic Krishni on Love & Relationships: Be the Partner You Want”
when I was young, I was full of life. I was a president of Alpha Phi Omega Sorority and every eligible and popular guys wanted to hit on me. I change boyfriends like I am in fashion until I met this timid and nerd guy. I married him after he cried a bucket to my face and begged my mom. End of the story? This guy took a 180 degrees turn after graduation, HE STARTED LIVING HIS LIFE, introduced himself as a bachelor, even to a long lost friend and got engaged to the younger sister of his friend. At work he would treat office mates to a party but told me he has no money with so many office deductions (lies…ugh!) I tried to work at the same office but told his boss he was resigning and went back to the city. The kind of life I lived when I was single, popular, fun , intelligent, successful and loving; all these he acquired for himself and never looked back to his old timid/nerdy guy who was always trying to fit in. He began berating me and treating me like shit , like an ignorant person (although we graduated with the same degree and with honors), most of the time I would end up in a hospital with broken bones/dislocated joints. He was angry whenever people would compliment me and demand I should look plain and despised me whenever I get a new job each time we relocate. We finally separated , I have had enough of everything. Your advise to be great first before attracting a great guy is totally false!!! The guys I dumped before are now all great husband and the one person I thought was their opposite because he was responsible and not the happy go lucky guy. The lesson? Guys who worked so hard during school days and even guys who remained too engrossed with total control while trying to reach for success will be good ONLY AFTER THEY HAVE DUMPED THEIR WIVES WHO KNEW THEIR LOUSY PAST. GUYS DON’T WANT WOMEN WHO REMIND THEM OF THEIR PAST LIVES/FAILURES….PERIOD. Ladies, believe me, if a guy really and truly loves you…he is blind with your imperfections. I have seen many plain, ignorant, fat ladies married to great guys because these ladies are not a threat to their masculinity!!! My niece is fat but married a macho guy who adores her. My neighbor who was from a slum area is likewise adored by her foreign husband. These women have a blanket of insecurities but the guys want to protect them Yes! protect and not because they are funny, sexy etc…Just be yourself ladies and don’t fall for the crocodile tears of any guy or the underdogs. Underdog trait is best suited for ladies. best loved by guys AND LIKEWISE LADIES WHO HAVE A KIND HEART LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE AND THE FIANCEE OF JAMES CLOONEY (he have had all the classy ladies you described but NOT A LADY WITH A HEART FOR THE UNDERDOGS…!!! VERY MUCH LIKE BRAD PITT!!!)
“Create a satisfying life for yourself, whether or not you’re currently sharing it with someone else.”
Krishni, you hit the proverbial nail squarely on the head with that line.
As I tell my callers, think of life as a cake. It takes a lot of different ingredients to make a delicious cake and most cakes are great without icing. A relationship should be the icing on the cake… in can enhance the cake or make it prettier or more ‘finished,’ but the cake should be able to stand alone without it.
Our lives are similar to the cake… we should endeavor to create lives that fulfill us and make us happy and a relationship should serve to enhance it, not take the place of some other critical ingredient.
Brightest blessings,
Seren
Hi Krishni, loved this article for the shift in power it offers readers. We are often looking externally for what we are already naturally blessed with. We just need the courage to push ourselves more towards our own desires and see that we can be all that we seek! With a raised awareness what we can give ourselves and reaching these achievements on our own will create such great attraction for many for miles to come!! Thank you for the reminder that the power is in you…
I have been nor ever will be a good catch, I think because I have lost the taste for anymore relationships. I will just be me and to heck with it
HI WILL MARK AND I EVER BE TOGETHER IN THE NEAR FUTURE?
Right On! Excellent article!
Very true. And for me it is harder to fix my own life or see my faults. I can easily help someone else out and stick with them if they need someone there.