When you’re inside of any relationship you need to decide if it’s a relationship or if it’s just a relationship of sex. Ask yourself what it is that you want and what it is that you really need.
Make Sure You’re Asking for the Right Thing
Full-fledged relationships can rock, but they’re not for everyone. We’re not cookie cutter people. We’re all unique, and we all have unique needs at different times in our lives. Do you know what you need in a relationship, or whether you need one at all? Would you just prefer a rousing romp without all the relationship mess, or would you prefer a lasting union over sex without substance? Whether a matter of preference or circumstance, only you know what you really need, and finding that truth can be freeing and fulfilling.
Honest and Open
It’s not selfish to know what you want and need and to go for it. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you’re involved with someone, being honest about your expectations and what you’re willing or not willing to give to the relationship keeps the playing field even so everyone can be happy and guilt free. It also gives the person you’re involved with the same freedom you enjoy, the freedom of choice. If they’re looking for a relationship and all you can offer them is great sex, or vice versa, it’s only right to put the cards out on the table so that there are no false expectations.
Just Sex
Some reasons you may just want sex without the relationship are:
• You’re too busy focusing on your career or other matters;
• You’re just not ready for a commitment;
• You just ended a serious relationship and you need some space.
Of course, you could also have a bit of fear about relationships, the feeling of being hurt, or the pain of rejection. And then again you just may enjoy sex for the pure sexual act and prefer not to be pinned down to one partner or relationship. All of these reasons are valid reasons.
“Attracting sex is simple. The hard part is when someone believes that sex and love are the same or that one will naturally lead to the other.” – Reed ext. 5105
The Full Package
Some reasons you may prefer a real relationship over merely a sexual relationship can vary as well:
• For you, sex without a relationship connection is meaningless;
• You have a plan for your future and having a real relationship is part of that plan;
• You’re saving the intimacy of sex for that special moment with that special person in your life.
These reasons can also change with our constantly-changing life circumstances. You want the great sex life and the great relationship. For you they are synonymous. And even if the day comes when sex is less frequent, you’ll at least know you have a solid relationship to keep the two of you connected.
Having What You Really Need
At different times in our lives, we want and need different things. These desires can be shaped by our upbringing, our relationship history, our current situations, or any combination of these factors. The trick is to know what’s right for you, right at this moment. Honor that. Being true to yourself will draw you closer to having what you really want and need.
“Love and relationships are kind of like jobs, we change constantly until we find that right one that sticks around for the long haul.” – Lacy ext. 5494
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37 thoughts on “Relationship or Sex: What Do You Really Need?”
why bother having sex without love! it doesn’t make any sense to me. You might as well masterbate……………..
great but what if a partner wants relashionship and freedom to stray occasionally?called cheating.
I had a very unhealthy relationship for almost a decade-after being codependent with husband for 14 years.. I know there is no attraction for me toward mr x y or z…the article asks sexual preference. We all are human,and somewhat predictable. Also we are unique. Some of us can enjoy encounters with new aquaintences while others need a deeper emotional bond…
thanks for reminding me of this, and also that it is okay.
satisfaction
ultimately a question of maturity – either way it’s a no brainer – when all is said and done – the novelty may in fact fade just as soon as it had arrived and begun – once the mystery of what was unknown is at last revealed – hence the ennui or corresponding disappointment – as however abrupt , extended or delayed – conclussively the rationalization of hit and run is still phobia short of ego gratification and greed – intuitive or instinctive your saving grace is whether or not intelligence is derived from the process of direct experience – from my own perspective it’s not so much a choice of one over the other as it is a basic desire for fulfillment and satisfaction – sex is beautiful – at best a natural expression and potential for creation – a hormonal biological imperative meant to perpetuate the species – that may also in fact offer an insight and perhaps a glimpse of the most profound truth in existence – not to mention the sheer sensory thrill of it , the rush of anticipation and the primal dissolution of identification that is tantamount to bliss through orgasm – fishing is not a sport it’s a past time – a means to be alone and at peace with life – relationship to woman is communication – both are a priviledge – my only regret if any is that our social mores and convention allows women the luxury and illusion of dominance through conquest at the expense of their femininity
I am currently with a friend who I trust, love and committed to do anything for her. We talk of sex and how to please the other party. My friend is not having sex but is ware to see me and I am also eager to see her. We love each other. She is young and sweet and without a husband for he is decease and I am married. Although we meet and go out often no physical contact except a good hug of each other. What is next? I cherish this friend and she cherish me.Great, good article.
The thing with relationships is simple if uve loved and been hurt dont duel on the past yes remember it but dont let it hold u back from the learning experience or life for that matter. Sometimes in our lives we go through things that are meant to make us stronger. Yes sex is great and yes ill admit ive faked it a couple times 2 and been disappointed several times, but it seems like its always been better when i was in a relationship with that person because i was comfortable with them. The meaningless sex with ” buddies” just seemed to emotionally break me down more. I just got out of a 5 year relationship 6 months ago and tried to b friends with him ended up breaking up with him on vday because i couldnt take how he treated me anymore and im not going to lie it feels like we broke up all over again which is pretty dang painful to lose someone twice. Yes ive tried the whole lets be buddies thing and it almost makes it worse. Theres a term that explains this syndrom perfectly its called rebound. As humans we tend to look for the next best thing and sometimes when u just get out of a relationship if u jump into something else right off the bat u tend to get feelings that u think are real when in fact there just replacing or numbing the feelings u either use to have or want to get rid of. In order to fully heal u need time. As they say time heals everything. U are the only person that knows wat u truely need in ur life and wat u really want. Nobody else can tell u those things and there only learned through expereince. Life is hard but its the good times in ur life that make it worth it. Theres going to be lots of people that come in and out of ur lives we cant change that its a part of growing up. The thing to remember is that no matter wat part of ur life ur in as long as uve learned from ur past mistakes or even others past mistakes its easy to move on and be happy and i dont mean the type of happy that other people provide u with because you can never truely be happy with those around you until ur happy with urself. Hope this helped someone out there.
Sex begins with a physical chemistry and attraction. If this attraction is satisfied without learning about a person’s character and basic nature & true feeling’s about themselves and other’s or if no mutual respect, trust & love developed Sex can be fraught with painful,disappointing and hurtful emotional experience even when two people think they love each other……
The most personal expression of ourselves is our sexual intimacy with another human being. We are not just led by animal instinct to gratify a momentary physical high and giving away of ourselves we also have a soul/spirit which needs to be loved and cherished as much as a physical body. To even try to separate Sex and Love in my opinion leads to personal degradation & pain. We are body mind and spirit. Love and sex are both linked to each other and cannot be separated any more than body mind or spirit can be separated.
Hello America! I would like to congratulate Deborah on an excellent article, the points made here from all people writing is clear…………………..We are all at different stages in our emotional paths, and in a way we are all right in what we say because it works for that moment/ stage in our lives. Sammie wrote a great article, and Gina Rose !!!!……………. she makes me giggle! …………….I don’t know what you put in that fishing boat of yours but he?she makes you very happy!!! I have a theory about fishibg in that I fear it inflicts pain on the fish! emotionally and physically! I am sure I am wrong and un educated it such matters, I have a love for animals and abhor cruelty emotionally and physically, anti hunting as well, when I take on dogs it must be the ones most in need and I know I will teach them to trust again and the love I get let alone is satisfaction is beyond compare.
As long as both people are open and honest in the beginning about what they need, just having sex is not using a person.
Maybe both people, are not ready to open their hearts for love, but are still lonely and needing friendly companionship with physical intimacy. Even females have physical drives and those needs can be met with a person who is willing and able to share something of this level (ie, sex buddy). We all want a faithful, loving relationship. But realistically, both could be still healing from a previous relationship, or just not ready to jump into anything serious due to career or other things. I have experienced this. After being dumped from a long relationship, I wasn’t ready emotionally for a serious relationship with someone else. However, it didn’t mean I should have to endure months of isolation of loneliness. I just wasn’t ready to get emotionally attached. I was open about this with my ‘buddy’. Expectations were clear from both sides from the beginning, and it avoided a lot of hurt feelings and drama. We both had respect, trust, understanding and honesty toward each other as far as where we stood and what we expected. We were companions, but not on an emotional level. It worked, and it helped both of us during that time because we understood what we needed.
However, this type of relationship should not continue for a long time. Eventually, you may get to know the person well, become close friends, and it is hard to detach. After time my emotional wounds healed, and the buddy sex was no longer fulfilling my needs. I knew I was ready to move on to something more loving, long-term, and complete with a special person. I was ready for Love and Sex!
In my much younger days, I experienced both……but , I have to say, I do prefer love and sex together….
different strokes for different folks….
but sex WITH love, for me, takes on a whole better dimension and makes for a better fullfilling experience.
But, all I want for now is a fishing buddy……LOL…..
sex is not love , but when overwhelmed by love, sex automatically comes freely and naturally
yes to gina rose 🙂 fishing is very sexy!!! and throwing that fish back is pretty darn compassionate. its all love. truly fun!!!!
The trouble with having just a buddy is………………………. that as we are human we do actually start to have feelings, and the longer it goes on the sooner it becomes awkward, you start to get feelings, or they do, we are programmed genetically to be attracted to people or attract. I tried the sex buddy thing………….. kind of ok, but soon realised that it was just an excuse to avoid a relationship by either party who actually started to have feelings for each other, not that we admmitted it, but then the hurt starts kicking in and before you know it you are back to square one, hurting, confused and swearing you will not let that happen again, and a few weeks/ months later you are missing company. we are social animals and require company if we admit it or not! I thought Gina Rose said a finishing buddy lol!!! had me all curious then!!! I am fortunate that I work with famales only, well sometimes fortunate! So I have got used to being around them and part of the team, HOWEVER they are different as men are to them, although they fall out amongst themselve’s they revert back to staying together even if they dislike each other and my point is?????? We are all genetically who we are and behave as such!
I’m screwed up
Honestly speaking…All of us need sex and love both.
Just having sex is using a person. If you like being used then just have sex and go on with your life. It is not good for the mind, body, or spirit.
I agree with Mark Taylor. It’s about what you feel in the moment and it’s about the connection.
Gina Rose naughty, I love it. Gina although I have never been fishing I agree about fishing buddy. wink wink
To me it depends on who I am connecting with. However I am a sap so I always fall in love in the moment. There are times when it doesn’t last but this last man… humh still can’t get him out of my mind. It’s been months and he still stirs different parts of me. I believe he is the one, now just waiting for him to catch on. How does the bate and tackle thing work? maybe I need to learn to fish.
i like this article but i have a question ;is possible to have relation ship love only no sex with some one really on love love love
wow, thank you… with all the advice that was put out there.. one day i’ll fine someone.. that well give all what he needs and my self….. do ya thunk ???
HOW DO YOU EVEN START TO BE WITH SOMEONE SEXUALLY , IF YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO SOMEONE OVER 20 YEARS AND FIND OUT HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND SHE GAVE BIRTH TO HIS CHILD? ALL MEN WANT TO DO IS HAVE SEX AND THAT’S IT !! IF A WOMAN DOES THAT , THEN SHE IS CALLED A SLUT OR A WHORE !!! LIKE THE ARTICLE SAYS , OUR LIVES ARE ALWAYS CHANGING !!! I WANT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND AND DO ME
BUT IT IS NOT THAT EASY WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE SO LONG !!!!! NOW I’M SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN BE WITH A MAN AND BE INTIMATE WITH HIM , SEE HIM A FEW DAYS LATER AND REMAIN BUDDIES !!!!! ESPECIALLY IF HE SAYS HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP !!!! WHICH IS COOL WITH ME AT LEAST HE IS BEING HONEST !!!! BUT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR MOST WOMEN TO JUST BE BUDDIES !!!!!!!!!
i need sex and love.
Good morning to all of you….
Sex without love is not good. In any relationship, there must be – respect, love, honesty, trust and understanding, without this- relationship is nothing.
do we have a choice?
For me, sex without love is B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! And yes, I’ve “faked it ” a few times. It was part of the learning process, especially when I was much younger. Experience is the best teacher, also the bitterest!
I think without both love and sex a relationship is incomplete. that’s why both person needs to be understand each others feelings, respect each others desire and also faithful between them. Then a relationship being success.
I guess I’m the person who wants it all; sex, love, committment. Hard to find when you’e 67 years old; but finding a guy who will stick around for the “long haul” is an accomplishment in itself. He’s called a “friend,” and what else do we really need; someone who cares, and sharing our life’s experiences can be rewarding. It builds a bond.
Dear,
Every thing have done with couple mutual relationship.
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After reading this article, I have a feeling that my so called boyfriend wants sex instead of relationship, I sais “So called boyfriend” because if he cosider me as girlfriend or just…..Can you please help me figured it out? Desparate right now.
Thanks
I absolutely loved this article! So simple and honest…loved it!
After two failed marriages, I am naturally not eager to get into another one. For the last three years, I have had a friends with benefits that works well for both of us…..I’m Scorpio, he’s Pisces…..am content without the drama….it works
Well, what a fabulouse article, it was intersting and educational with also giving affirmations. I would like to say that we are all different and have different desires and needs, the trick is to be in tune with yourself and your mate, it is about give and take, and in my experience my needs and desires change as my life altered. let’s be honest we all love sex and it is a necesity in a relationship like water and food, I enjoy being the pleaser in a sexual relationship but I also have wants, the person that catches me is the one who is able to tune in and give and take!
The woman psycics in this webpage are really good looking..the one above with a teacup is really wow..wow stuff..Do you permit to date psycics..sorry i have no sex addiction..but i am perfect pakcage..i will try how relationship with psycics works out.
regards
sabari-
Hallo
i Need more information of sex,relationship and other general information
regards
Ann
I love this article. Thank you.
Just had a relationship and someone is trying to invite me for a date, i feel like im not ready to be with somebody else now, but other part would like to.instead of boring myself and keep on remebering the ex boyfriend..
How about just a fishing buddy ?????? Somebody who likes to go fishing for catfish or trout?