Save Your Sanity, End Your Relationship
It happens to the best of us. Many of us have been in what we thought was a healthy relationship, only to watch it begin to fade like the cold chill of winter. We all have memories of how we felt when we realized it was pretty much over. We try to be strong. We may say, “I’ll be okay, I think. How will I explain this to friends and family?” Then perhaps you experience an utter sense of loss and confusion.
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The Dear John Bomb
Why is this happening? Why is this happening again? Before you lose your sanity, get to a sacred space. It could be in your car after the conversation with your partner where you were informed that it’s over. It could be in your kitchen after an unexpected phone call that dropped the “Dear John Bomb.” Maybe it’s at a park having a picnic just for two. But wherever you get the news, STOP for a minute and clear your head as best you can.
You Will Get Through This
Close your eyes and breathe. No doubt your heart will be racing like a race horse and your mind running at warp speed. These crucial moments will pass. And most of all you will go on to love again! The most important thing is to remember you will get through this! You will! There’s nothing worse than a one-sided love affair. If you have experienced being in love and your affections were not being returned, you probably know what I mean.
Reconstitute Yourself
So how do you begin to pick up the pieces and reconstitute yourself? It’s not going to be easy and you will have to keep in mind that happiness will one day be yours. It is advisable to take a good look at what has happened as objectively as possible. Yes, there will be a certain amount of sadness and heart ache.
But this will not last forever. These painful memories will fade as days become weeks and weeks become months and so on. Never allow yourself to believe that you’ll never love again. Pain is like a voice that becomes less and less audible as you move further and further away from it.
Here are a few techniques to begin the healing process:
Process
Go to a quiet place and turn off the television or anything that may distract you. Sit or lay down comfortably. Image yourself saying to your lost love all the things you’d like to have said to them. Remember, this is an exercise in connecting with your frustration.
Identify
Look at the phases of the relationship. Allow yourself to experience the emotions you felt as your time together began, developed and eventually faded to the end. Try not to dwell on any particular incident. It is very important to move through this process at a steady pace.
Release
Though it may seem impossible to release right now, you can do this. By the time you’ve gotten through the previous steps you are ready to let them go. Releasing means allowing yourself to become free of the conditions of grief caused by a feeling of loss. By this time you’ll still have moments of sadness, or depression and anxiety. This doesn’t mean you’ve missed the point. It means you’re human.
Here’s an exercise to begin the releasing process:
If you start to descend into sadness, find something to fill your time. The enemy of healing is time with nothing to fill it. This is stagnation, and this is dangerous. You’ve probably heard stories about how someone began weight training, got their degree, began a business or completely transformed their appearance after a life-shattering experience. You too can begin transforming yourself if you choose to cultivate a positive method of releasing.
One glorious day you’ll have the opportunity to face a situation that would have unsettled you. It could be seeing your lost love with their new partner, or you may hear you and your old lover’s favorite song. But instead of an emotional collapse, you feel oddly nostalgic in a pleasant way. You’ll smile to yourself or perhaps share the memory with a friend, or your new love.
Psychic Tajah ext. 5732
5 thoughts on “Letting Go of a Relationship Without Losing Your Sanity”
I needed to see these comments …..I came home yesterday to the surprise of my so called boy friend gone…no note no conversation he lead me to believe that he wanted to stay..not cool
i was in a useless relationship for 3 yrs. i thought i loved him but he has babymomma drama from both ends. what a loser. they disrespected his mom and fought and disrespected each other. im too mature to be fighting little girls. your not my man if i feel alone and have to fight for myself and your family in enabling his and he thinks its ok. not to wish death on her but if she would die now what the hell would that bastard do..oooo i no, like with a female because hes a loser jerk that play games and those same games will catch up to him and devour him alive .. i cant wait to here that. guys never wana see y females act the way because of them. dont like to us and things will be smoother in life. but no they like the drama and some dont. when they are old and lonely by themselves lets see how fun they will hav..loosers
i say girl who all have done this. we love hard and guys know that. like the dumb saying goes.” its best to love than not to love at all”.. who want to hear that crap. i sincerely believe there are good guys out there feeling how we do. these rachette losers just using women because their mom didn’t care to raise them right and the still live under mom’s rules. so pathetic. then these little hoes come round thinking they no better so they think the grass is greener. but when these hoes cheat on them they come running back. thats when you have to say i deserve better and i dont need someone that want what i already got. let them hoes help them so they can get used and see how it feels. God loves us all. our choices sucks he doesnt have anything to do with that so try try again. life wont end if you do. just prep yourself for the users and the wanters.
PR,
I’m so sorry to hear your plight. You partner was not evolved enough to recognize what he’s done to you. Or just cruel. I believe both are the reality. The anger will linger, it’s human nature to feel resentment. Anger is the response to pain, once you began to see that the anger is fruitless you may begin to feel depression. That is anger repressed. You must experience the full force of your emotions, crying washes away the pain. Keeping a journal to express your thoughts and feelings is a great way to process your experience. Remember, just because he lied does not mean you were at fault. HE is at fault, you trusted him, again probably against your better judgement! The lesson falls on him! You CAN and WILL come back from this!!! You must BELIEVE this! My concern is about your personal security, finance, housing etc. If education is the issue it’s time to get trained in a marketable skill set. Channel your anger into DRIVE–drive is a powerful force. Drive can transform your life! Reconnect with yourself and what makes you happy. Every day is one less day you’ll have to experience this pain. Upgrade your idea of WHO you are! You are not a lost, rejected woman–rather you are in the throes of becoming your IDEAL woman! Beautiful, Powerful, Confident and Ready to face the Universe! See yourself with the eagerness of a child to face everyday with that sentiment. My prayers are with you! Be Well, Be Happy! Tajah
I know the length of time to go through this process is different for different people. But what is a reasonable time to heal when you you’ve gotten a second chance after a year and a half and it falls apart again? It has been 4 months and although I am good most days, some days I just break down and cry. I find that when things are at there lowest I blame him It is almost as if I use him to direct my anger. Sounds strange but, I gave up a lot to be with him again and it fell apart 3 mo.s later and now I am with nothing, no home, no job, facing bankruptcy and I am devastated. I feel like he duped me into coming back just because he got tired of being alone. How do I re-direct that anger and let go of all this baggage and heal my heart once again? Still Hurting.