Relationships Take Time – And a Lot of Questions!

There’s a quote that says, “Relationships are like socks: you need two and they should match.” Funny, but it’s spot on. Being ready for a relationship should also mean that you have time for a relationship. In order to find your match, you must be willing to put in the time. Time to plan, time to search and definitely time to maintain. I’m positive you have spent plenty of energy thinking and dreaming about Mr. or Ms. Right. Allowing yourself to visualize his dreamy eyes, her beautiful legs, their awesome smile, their wealthy ambition and hopefully hundreds of other traits dancing in your head. Please tell me you will recognize the perfect mate for you. Seriously, take the time and think about what characteristics you prefer in a long-term relationship. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Start by listing 50 characteristics and see how much you know about yourself. What are your wishes and what are your Deal Breakers? To start the dating scene completely blind of what you want in a partner can cause frustration and disappointment. Remember the quote from childhood “you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince charming.”

So if you think you can completely avoid the dating scene, think again. Normally, they’re not going to knock on your door, and if they did in this day and age you probably wouldn’t open it. When you meet that special someone and the conversation seems to be going well, you need a set of “go to questions” that can help you gain insight into his character and moral fiber.  Remember you are looking for a potential partner. Hopefully, many of the questions have been discovered before your date such as likes, dislikes, career, hobbies, religion, values. Please do not forget the most important question, are you single and available?

Everyone you meet is not ideal for you. Remember that communication is important, so ask questions. Get to know someone before you jump into bed. The fact is, getting to know someone takes time and while you do not want to sound like a future employer, in a way this is a major interview. You do want to make sure you are hiring the right person to take good care of your heart. If you will just acknowledge that Sex is not Love you will be far ahead of yourself. That’s right, Sex is not Love, and I don’t care what emotions or connections you are feeling, the Calendar still plays an important role.  If you jumped into bed too quickly, OK, fine, you have needs too; but don’t become too possessive or demanding or begin to act like it’s a committed relationship, because chances are, it’s not. If you’ve fallen into bed and had the experience of a lifetime, good for you, but now it’s morning and you have to act like it’s the moment right before you fell into bed.  That’s right just like it never happened. Crazy, I know, but there are steps and questions that should be investigated before you sleep together and I assure you the answers did not magically happen by osmosis. So therefore communication is still the key. Let’s hope the answer to the main question “Are you ready for a relationship?” is YES; if not you may have to chalk this up to lessons learned and ask before sex next time. Sex tends to bring out all of our primal instincts and women tend to associate most of those primal instincts and emotions to love. But if you have not done your homework and you do not know what he is looking for in a relationship, then you only have yourself to blame for not asking all the right questions.  I talk to many men and women who are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

If you are going to scare someone off by saying how you feel isn’t it better to know now, then finally saying what you feel six months from now and he runs… And no, I’m not saying after the first date, tell them you’re madly in love and ready to get married. So sit down, go over what you’re looking for in a relationship, and create questions to get you those answers.  Don’t waste time on someone just wanting a good time. You deserve to be happy, respected and in a healthy relationship. Don’t settle for anything less. You can do it!