Save Your Marriage Even Before You Get Married

Essential Components of Wedded Bliss

The love of your life has popped the question and of course your answer was, “Yes!” But “Will you marry me?” isn’t the only question engaged couples should address before their big day. Though the other questions aren’t as romantic, they are essential building blocks for a long, happy marriage.

How Will We Manage Our Money?

Decide before marriage how you will run your financial life. Money issues are a major cause of relationship problems, so it’s best to face the worst now. Will both of your incomes go completely into a joint bank account? Or will you keep separate accounts? How about joint credit cards? What will you do about the individual debt that each of you brings to the marriage? What are your spending habits? Does one of you prefer to save money while the other spends freely? Are there any issues about the wife earning more than the husband?

How Important Is Sex?

Sexual compatibility is another top issue that strains marriages. Sure, when you’re newlyweds, you can’t get enough of each other. But consider how life might be a few years—even many years—from now. As you take on more responsibilities in life with work and children, romance is likely to fall lower on your list of priorities. Now is the time to discuss what you will do when your libido changes.

Are Our Parenting Styles Similar?

Another source of stress in marriages is how to jointly parent your children—assuming you both want to have a family. Do you agree on the type of discipline to use? Are your attitudes about education compatible? What will you do if one of your children has a disability?

Should We Live Together Before Getting Married?

Although some couples have religious or other moral reasons to wait until marriage to live together, others can’t imagine taking the leap into lifelong commitment until they’ve lived together for at least a year. When you are sharing the same space on a regular basis, it’s difficult to stay on your best behavior all the time. Eventually the dirty socks are going to be thrown on the living room floor, and frozen dinners are going to start replacing home-cooked meals. Now is the time to work out any differences about toilet seat lids or the size of your TV screen. “Relationships are work: give and take.” says Psychic Abigail ext. 9570.

Getting Personal

When a popular advice columnist was asked what the saddest situation she had ever been consulted about was, she said that a young woman once asked how to handle a money issue with her fiancé. When the advisor suggested she simply talk to her fiancé about it, the woman replied: “Oh, I can’t do that. That’s too personal.”

If you feel that anything is too personal to discuss with your fiancé, there’s no guarantee that things will be different after you two are hitched. To save your marriage before it even starts, you ought to be as comfortable with your beloved as you are with your best friend. In fact, one man who has been married to the same woman for 20 years went so far as to say, “If you don’t marry your best friend, you’re doomed.”

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