In her new book, Marry Him! single mother Lori Gottlieb looks back at her life’s choices, discovering that maybe she should have settled, rather than remain single. Recently, she received guff for the points she makes:
• “We grew up idealizing marriage — and that if we’d had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently.”
• “It’s not about who you want to go on vacation with, it’s about who you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest — it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business.”
• “Settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year.”
• “Having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.”
• “Wouldn’t it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of ‘good enough’ while my marital value was at its peak? Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.”
The Misleading Ideology of Love
As dismal as these quotes may seem, they contain an important message. True romance and intimacy take communication, mutual respect, compromise, and time. There is no lightning strike that brings couples together, but rather the nitty-gritty of tending to each others’ needs each and every day. We are responsible for our own happiness more than we realize.
Often we put too much of this burden on our partner. This is why so many young couples who marry before their infatuation wears off end in divorce. They have no idea what love is, how to be happy, or what it takes to make a relationship work. By the same token, those who wait too long to marry ‘the perfect person’ are also living in a fantasy world.
Nobody wants to think of settling on somebody simply because their time clock is ticking, but an occasional reality check is necessary good thing. One ‘Mr. Good Enough’ in the hand, is worth two ‘Mr. Rights’ in a dream.
28 thoughts on “Settling for Mr. 'Good Enough'”
cardio exercise and eaintg breakfast fruits, whole grain cereals and egg-white are great options help boost metabolism which help lose weight faster burn more caloriesLow ( sodium, sugar, calories ,fat,) drink water, stay way from junk food, fries,cardio exercise ( yoga , running, bicycle, swimming, kick boxing ) weight lifting ,# workout 3-6 times on week. 30min or 1-2 hours# Walk 30 minutes a day e28093 no excuses# Restock your kitchen with healthy food# Do not count carbs or calories# Eat when you are hungry eat slowly# Reduce portions by using smaller plates bowls (9 inch diameter instead of 11+ inch)# Eat 9 handfuls of fruits vegetables each dayalso eat 1 ounce of nuts (1 small handful)# Eat fish at least 3 times a week such as salmon,# Avoid trans fat and saturated fats at all cost# Avoid white food such as enriched wheat flour and simple sugar, including high fructose corn syrup# Drink one or two glasses of water before a meal to help fill you stomach with fewer food calories# Eat less fat ,sugar and sodium recommends keeping your daily intake at 2300 milligrams.#Fifteen percent of your calories should come from protein, 25 to 35 percent from fat and the rest from carbohydrates.# Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, low-fat and nonfat dairy, legumes, fish and lean meat should all be incorporated into your diet.#Soybean, canola, olive, safflower, sunflower and corn oil are all healthy oils you should use when cooking and preparing foods.Also, cooking medium heat is ideal but oil alone is not recommended.# All fresh vegetables and fruits, such as green leafy vegetables and greens, broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, carrots, tomatoes, etc. Eat plenty of fiber-rich vegetables (dark leafy greense28094good; corn not so good), beans (all of them), and fruit (apples, pears, peaches, and berries have a lower GI than tropical fruits, like papaya and mangoes).#Complex Carbohydrates* Whole grains, pastas and cereals, brown rice, whole wheat bread, oats, millet, barley, kasha, cornmeal, polenta, etc.# Stop eaintg 2-3 hours before bed time#Fill up 25-30 grams of fiber#drink plenty of water before, during after workout it increase your muscle tone is also important to lose weight keep hydrated and sleep night 8 hours, be aware when you Eating also turn off TV also dont set watch TV or computer more than 2 hoursBest Fats; Monounsaturated Fat Foods* Avocado * Oil (canola, olive, peanut, sesame) * Olives (all)* Nuts * Peanut butter, old-fashioned * Sesame seedsGood Fats: Polyunsaturated Fat Foods* Margarine (first ingredient is polyunsaturated oil)* Mayonnaise (regular or reduced-fat) * Miracle Whip Salad Dressing (regular or reduced-fat)* Nuts (walnuts) * Poultry* Oil (corn, safflower, soybean, cottonseed)* Salad dressing (regular reduced-fat)* Seeds (pumpkin, sunflower) * Liquid Vegetable Oil * Eggs * MeatBad Fats:Saturated Fats ( no more than 7% saturated fats)* Bacon bacon grease * Cheese * Milk* Butter (stick, whipped, reduced-fat) * Eggs* Coconut Oil * Cream half-and-half * Cream cheese* Ice cream * Lard salt pork * Palm palm kernel oil * Cocoa ButterBad Fats: Trans Fats (no more than 1% trans fats)* Hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated fats* Margarine (stick) * Nondairy creamers* Shortening * Baked Goods * Fired Foods* Also Found in Naturally In Meat Dairy Products In Small Amounts
when somebody gets married it is not teamwork..it is togetherness…living for one another..my girlfriend just past away and her and her hasband have married 46 years and they were still in love…that is how married last so long..because if you try ..you will make.it…well look at me i lasted 52 years ..sometimes we did not get along..but we hang in ..and try…marriage is up to the persons that are involved..if there love one another..their should be no problem …with marry you…we all have own pronlems but we try to help one another to solve it….there is one very important thing in a married.IS NEVER GO TO BED WITHOUT MAKING UP….
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Thank you for this response.I have been married for a long time and realize after years of trying and staying on because of the kids, I will never advise anyone to do the same but financially it is not a good time to make a move.I am working on improving career sucess and I welcome your suggestions on getting out.
Hi….
Just read the article Soul Contracts 101 on the daily newletter….anybody interested in that should read the article…it’s a great article.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hi…..
Yes……
I’d write it myself only I’m going to be busy here very soon with the building of an animal shelter…..
Yes, I can write, but never seem to have the time to sit down and do it thoroughly anymore. ( I’m still editing my crossing over article, by the time it’s finished , I’ll probably have crossed over !!!!! LOL ha ha ha ha !
Since you seem to have a good
” bead ” on it….I know you are busy,but why don’t you try writing it (?)…..then other psychics can add on to it if they wish….
just an idea…
Have a great weekend, Verbena !!!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hi Jesse,
I agree …throw away all of those silly rule books….and start being true to you…..well said my friend !!!!!!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hi,
I wrote ALOT back in the 90’s and was published a few times ,
but …honestly, between the readings- private & CP, the teaching, and the shelter,…. and meditating everyday…. and getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep in , which I need to re-charge …..I have little time to write anymore.
I can tell that you have a great understanding of that topic….and you teach as well…..I think you could write a brilliant article on it.
Ok….gotta go now, have a good one!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
I know that I have watched women be manipulated by “fads” and fiction that pass off as “news” for years. Remember when the big statement went out that a woman over 35 had a better chance of being abducted by terrorists than she had of finding a marriage partner? (For those of you who may not recall that, all the news channels blasted us with that one back in the mid 1980s!) Men were suddenly having a field day picking and choosing! Even though all these news channels made a very, very small retraction, the cat was out of the bag and women started looking desperate…much like those television shows that pit women against one anotehr to vie for the affections of a total stranger! (Now THAT’S love, isn’t it?! LOL!)
It is time for women to relax and fall in love with themselves first! After all, you get what you “settle for” in this life…and love should never be something that just fills in the blanks in your world! That is the attitude that creates prenuptial agreements (also known as “exit plans) and sets the stage for numerous affairs while each partner hopes to find the one who can really set fire to the heart.
My advice is to throw out all these “rule books” and listen to your own heart. Have fun falling in love with your life and you will be surprised how many wonderful people will find you even more attractive than you were before!
That’s a really good point, I never thought of that. Very interesting Cheyenne.
Is ending up with “Mr. Good Enough” really settling? I see settling as more of accepting what is not even good enough.
Great insight and wisdom on this topic.
A point that Gina Rose made me ponder as I am a mother to a very strong-willed teenage daughter is this- ABSOLUTELY NOT, would I want her to settle. My goal is to raise a girl to become a woman with self-worth, respect and who will wait to find that “one” that will be worthy of all that she will have to offer. I also try to lead by example, as I have been divorced nearly 3 years and I’m quite enjoying my alone time. I want her to realize that it’s okay to be alone until the right one comes along.
Another point I enjoyed was Miss Krystal’s view on a couple of qualities that make for a good base such as friendship and chemistry. I have a good friend that I share that with and another quality is that he makes me laugh more than anyone. Maybe some day he might turn out to be the “one” but for now I’m learning a lot about myself by myself and wouldn’t trade it for the world!
This has been great food for thought!
Lisa
Hi jessica-
thanks for sharing that.
I think there are more women out there that believe the same-the key is, “Don’t worry about what others think”– you just have to “know” yourself…..I had a lot of people, including granny, get on my back about being alone….Be at peace about it and the universe will not let you down…. happy day-Miss Krystal
Miss Krystal you and I sound a lot a like. I am 32 and yet to marry and refuse to settle for less than I deserve. I do enjoy my life I have great friends and family to keep me company. Love will find it’s way to me when it’s right.
Hi browneyes,
I loved what you said… “You can make a household with just about anyone that works along with you but I don’t want a roommate, I want that person that I can’t wait to see walk in the door…” Thank you!
Hugs,
Fran
Hi Gina,
Hahahahahahahahaha! Thanks for the chuckle! I could help you hog-tie him while you placed the duct tape!
LOL!
Big Hugs,
Fran
Here’s some food for thought…..
I read this article again and,LOL, thought :
Is there suddenly a shortage, or outage of some type, of available men in this country??????
Did I miss that particular piece of news on CNN this past year or something ?????
LOL. I think not.
Have we become so insecure, in this country, with ourselves, that we would even consider just “settling” ?????
Have we truly become fixated on instant gratification to the point where we can’t help but set ourselves up for failure in our rush to be loved in the present moment ??????
I say this country, only because I’ve noticed for many years now that, in general, women in Europe have no problem dating socially without clinging with a death grip and pushing “him” for marriage after only a few dates.
Liam mentioned this awhile back as well, in responding to a question on one of his articles…it was something he noticed too…and I agree.
In general,the ladies in Europe usually call to ask about the background, character, and integrity of the guys they are dating…..I hardly ever hear them ask, after only a couple of dates if is he “the one”, or the man they will marry ????? My European clients seem to date for months, even a year or so,before they start asking me to even read on a possible future marriage.
Just something I’ve noticed for the last 25 years or so…..
…no judgement is attached to this by the way…. I do not judge…but I DO observe.
Sometimes I think they should bring back the old custom of courting and courtship in general (?)….like in old Ireland for example….. maybe,the divorce rate would go down substantially in this country (?)….
Just a few observations….and thoughts….as a psychic…. as a GrandMother I would hope that my Grand Daughter ~ Ariel is secure and confident enough to truly ENJOY the dating experience in itself, when she is old enough,…. and take her time, when she feels ready , in finding the right partner to walk thru life with.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Before any of you respond to this….stop and think how you would or might respond if you had daughters and grand daughters old enough to date and marry…..
Great article! I’m not pro marriage or pro single. I’m pro honesty with self. Get to really know yourself and your truth. Achieve your goals. Find your spiritual path. You can only give yourself to someone when you are someone. Like attracts like. Miss Rights attract Mr Rights. Miss GoodEnoughs attracts Mr GoodEnoughs.
Namaste
Ivy x5198
I agree…100% Gina Rose…And don’t you think for those gals who are not independent at the time, they could be or grow and find it in them later?? thanks…You have seen too much over the decades with your work…You know this does not work……..And as the world goes on, us gals will get more liberties…Just as we have in the last 40 years..It is never good to settle. Women have come a long way!! Miss Krystal
PS let me please be more specific about “getting them out of the house”-I would look to see what your options are…Either way, we could figure something out, or set a plan of action in order to get on with your new life! Once again, there is no need to stay in something that makes you unhappy. Every situation is unique and different…But a psychic can help!!
Miss Krystal
Hi Fran,
LOL…..honestly…could you see me settling for that cattle/horse Auctioneer , or ” Motor Mouth “, ( as you refer to him ) ?????
LOL !!!!!!!!!!!
They would find him, probably after only one day…well…he might make it to a full week,…..tied to a tree in my yard with duct tape over his mouth !!!!!!
LOL….way too funny!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hi Maryanne,
LOL…..yes I would agree with you.
I would like to think that we get better with age…..like a fine wine, or an aged mellow whiskey.
This article makes us sound like cars that depreciate in value. I value myself too much to ever settle for a Mr. GoodEnough.
Besides that,”settling” is not walking your Karmic path…..it’s not being true to yourself ,or the other person. And I would never want any guy to just ” settle ” for me as well.
You raised some very good points.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
I would rather be alone, have my freedom and do what I want to do, until I have found someone that feels “right” to me. I suggest it.
I am almost 41, and I was single in my early 30’s to mid thirty’s-I had fun. Sure I wanted a partner, but settling was not for me. I learned not to worry about what people thought….
Finally, I met someone that floated my boat lol but I never doubted that would happen. I always knew it would arrive someday…And I was willing to wait. I knew how to entertain myself-I had peace about being alone….I have been with my partner for over four years. Nothing has been perfect, but I am glad I waited. Believe me, you just know…But he keeps a smile on my face and I adore the guy….Even though I have to clean the house more lol
Two things are very important-friendship and chemistry…If you have those two, you have two important key ingredients…It may not cover everything, but it is a good base…
If you believe in the universe, and yourself, you have nothing to worry about. And that is what is so great about a reading….We can guide you so you can “find” the major mutual love connection.
Do not settle! PLEASE
If you have, I can help you get out of it…You want to get them out of the house? No problem…I will show you how to do it…lol I am serious…Do you want to be the one that leaves? That is even easier…My point? It’s never too late to sever the settlement…You still have choices!!
Miss Krystal
I also agree that settling is not for me. I sometimes wonder if I am being a bit too selective but if I dont feel physical attraction I am not the least bit interested in anything other than friendship. And even with physical attraction being present, if a certain level of passion is missing, I lose interest quickly also. I certainly dont want to end up in a long term relationship where I look at my partner and think “Gee, isnt there anything else to this?”
I was told a few times to marry my best friend but I dont agree with that. I do agree that you have to be friends and have mutual respect and admiration for each other but lets face it. We all have that primal need and drive that has to be satisfied and the physical aspect when love is present is the most wonderful part of a relationship. You can make a household with just about anyone that works along with you but I dont want a room mate, I want that person that I cant wait to see walk in the door. I want to feel the love for my partner when I look at him. I only had that once. Thought he had it for me too. But now we are apart and both of us alone, or I am anyway. Who knows what he is up to these days?
But no, I wont settle for Mr. Good Enough. I need more than that and wont let myself be unhappy like I was in my marriage and wondering if this is all there is. I have come to the decision that it is truly better to be alone than with someone you dont truly love and adore.
Kudos, Maryanne!
We DO have a lot to bring to the table, no matter our age!
And I wonder how many of those elderly couples walking along the shore have found love “the second time around.” I’m sure the only thing they “settled” for was love.
HUGS,
Fran
I have to agree with Gina Rose to disagree.
I “settled” when I was 24. Twenty-two years later, I am NOT happy. Marriage is not a business. It is not a THING. It is the committed relationship between two married people. But settling for something just so you won’t be alone will make you miserable in the long run. I’m sorry, but I believe that passion IS a necessary ingredient in any marriage, whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for 30 years. Sure, you may not make love quite as often as you did in the beginning, but you still need to feel that want, that desire for your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together or how few and far between your lovemaking is. If you don’t have that, shouldn’t you be allowed to move on so that you can find it again?
My mother always likes to quote an old Italian saying….”better to be alone than in bad company.”
We all make choices for our own reasons. Right or wrong. I choose to be happy, even if it means making an uncomfortable choice.
~Fran
Hi,
I do agree that we are more responsible for our own happiness than we generally know or want to admit. Finding someone else to “make me happy” is definitely abdicating our responsibility for ourselves and overloading someone else’s responsibility to make us happy.
Some of this “settling” sounds like old-fashioned, frontier, mail order bride thinking, when people had to marry in order to survive financially or to produce a family with not much expectation of love or happiness. Of course, as the paragraph above mentions, expecting too much of a relationship partner is out of line, too. So I feel the balance is, as usual, somewhere in the middle.
I am a little surprised at the mention of “my marriage value was at its peak”. Excuse me, I think I have value as a partner no matter which birthday I have celebrated.
My favorites, since I live very near a beach, are the elderly couples walking at sunset who are holding hands and still looking at each other like “I can’t believe I won her (or him)”.
Best wishes to all,
Maryanne
Ext. 9146
Well…..I think I disagree with this
• “Settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year.”
I never met or read for anybody in the last 44 years of my career that ” settled ” and was happy.
AND…….
• “Having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.”
Personally speaking…..not for me !
I’d rather stay free, happy and single rather than settle for Mr GoodEnough. No Mr GoddEnoughs’ for me !
But I assume it’s different for everybody.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500